Deadpool: Agent of chaos Friendship is cannon fodder
by D-Piddy8256
Summary: Now that Jump City is nuttier than elephant crap on a tavern floor, Eris decides to take send him to a more challenging location, Equestria. That's not all, she decides to bronify him ...wait , that sounded dirty. Anyway , if you haven't read the first story that's cool. I left a brief summery so you can start off on this one if need be, but why would you want to miss the fun
1. Chapter 5: My little DP

Okay, first off. I don't own the rights to MLP friendship is magic, Marvel Comics, Steven Lynch, or the movies or shows that I poke fun at. I'm a graduate student/cosplayer to my money is nonexistent.

Also for new time readers

*** these by themselves means one of Deadpools personalities is talking. If you see them in the dialogue then it just represents an action taking place

( ) these are the second personality's markers for their dialogue.

Chapter 5

**My Little Deadpool.**

When we last left our mercenary, he was being arrested by the Teen Titans while facing Slade, a mercenary who framed him for the murder of a soldier. Taking down Slade gave Deadpool a chance to explain his situation to Robin, but he still left a city dumbfounded and paranoid after the public learned of his exploits. Eris transported him back to her kingdom of Tarterus before Robin had a chance to cuff him. She thanked him for reminding Jump City that anyone can be a victim of chaos , heroes and villains alike. Not a moment after, Eris sent Deadpool back to work, ironically in the same circumstances , falling from a portal and ending up in the care of the new worlds harmonious beings( the main characters, READ A DICIONARY AND PISS OFF). This time however he lost the face that Raven had given him after healing all of his scars, and ended up in a whole new pony…..errrr…body. He ended up in Ponyville Hospital where we left him having a nervous breakdown.

Deadpool: " Give it to straight doc, how bad is it?"

Dr Stable: " Umm, I'm not sure what you mean * Checks charts* from what I can see …all you suffered from was a case of vertigo when you fell."

*We tested positive for Vertigo, but we didn't pee in a cup.*

( Maybe we wet ourselves)

*? Who collects pee like that?*

Deadpool:" I could care less if I tested positive for SUPER CANCER. At least I'd know what the heck is wrong with me. "

Applejack : " Hey Mr. What he's sayin is that yur just peachy keen. *pulls a mirror out* Take a gander."

The mirror's image revealed that Deadpool ,the once great mercenary with a silver tongue, was now a four legged red and black pony. His suit was even anatomically fitted to his new shape.

Deadpool: " …..I look like the gay version of Shadowmare from Skyrim…now it's why i'm suddenly attracted to Shadowmare. "

Applejack: " What in duh name Equestria is uh Skyrim"

Rarity: " Good sir, you must relax. Aside from your questionable attire, you're in perfect health."

*We turned into Mr. Ed's special cousin*

(Correction, a pony, the comic relief in a midget cowboy western)

Deadpool was at a loss for words. It's one thing to be sent to a dimension where the locals get a 65% on the " Humanoid" exam, but the local somatotype in Equestria is foreign to Deadpool. His progress would be slightly hinder due to the encumbering task of learning how to do simple task , such as pick up his katana. The worst was that his trigger finger is now replaced with a hoof…..bummer.

That realization alone made the legendary merc go into a mild panic attack right in front of the mare 6. Best course of action would be to collect yourself, assess the situation, and plan accordingly…..that's not going to happen. Deadpool's penchant is improvisation.

Deadpool:"Ladies….err mares?...ummm not sure what to call female ponies"

*CHECK THE UNDERCARRIAGE *rimshot* *

( We've established they're female, it's a matter of semantics now)

*Semantics, you kiss my ass with that mouth?*

Deadpool:" I need to be alone for a bit, I can't even remember what I ate before I got here….*HMM* but I'll find out soon enough *HMMM covers mouth*"

Rarity:" Oh dear " * heads for the door*

Applejack: " ya'll allright hun?"

Deadpool:" I just need to collect my thoughts"

Pinkie Pie: " Really, where did they go? What do they look like? I can find my thoughts in two shakes of a mares tail, although my thoughts usually contain frosting so I may have eaten them …BUT DON'T YOU WORRY SIR * pulls out Sherlock cap* I'll find those pesky thoughts , the game is on….and it's a scavenger hunt* dashes out of the room*

Just outside of the hospital door, Pinkie Pie went into blood hound mode. In addition to the cap, she draped a small barrel with a rope around her neck and labeled "glucose." Then her super sniffer went on full blast as she cased the entire hospital floor, like a pink Kirby vacuum…the irony was picture worthy.

Twilight Sparkle: " Pay no mind to her. She has a working theory that there're are physical manifestations of thoughts and memories."

Rainbow Dash: " Losing your marbles, that was the idea she pitched to Twilight. Thanks for nerding it up Egghead"

*Losing marbles theory, I like the pink one*

Fluttershy: *walks over to Deadpool's bedside* " Umm sir, I completely understand what you're going through. I can't imagine what it would be like to fall from such a high altitude"

Rarity: " Darling you have wings"

Fluttershy: " Well..I remember one time when I was just learning to fly, I was being bullied in Cloudsdale when I was pushed off my cloud.

Rainbow: "1. The butterflies saved you 2. You know I would've saved you from an impending doom"

Flutter: " very true, and i'm glad those vocabulary lessons are paying off Rainbow dash"

Rainbow Dash: " Thanks, hey what….I KNOW WHAT IMPENDING MEANS. :P"

Deadpool: " OK, this has been a wonderful trip through embarrassing moments, speaking of which, I'm about to disrobe and do the Me. Elephant dance in front of the audience of urinals , so if you wouldn't mind I'd like to rehearse"

Not wanting to e spectators, the rest of the mare 6 exited his room. Dr. Stable took this time to ask a couple of routine questions.

Dr Stable: " Could I trouble you for a name son, I can't put down "John mare"

*did he just call us John Mayer?*

( We do have a new "Baaahhdaaaay ")

Deadpool: " Later Doc, ummm refresh my drink .. I mean memory. My ummm stuff that I came with , those were collectables."

*good save*

Dr. Stable: " That's actually the current "Elephant in the Room" I'd like to address."

*how does he know about the Mr Elephant dance?*

( Maybe he's a fan and wants a preview)

Dr Stable: " A couple of items caught are attention"

*CRAP*

( We're dead)

*I refuse to die in a Hospital where the nurses aren't even hot, IMPROVE !*

Deadpool:" That reminds , can I just point something out"

Dr. Stable : " Of course"

Deadpool: " you have a fistdo on your chin"

Dr Stable: " What's a fistdo?"

*this one is for you Beastboy*

Deadpool: " *POW* Knock you out"

*Hooves hit harder than knuckles, huh, who knew)

(Perhaps we can liberate someone legs and make hoof gloves. )

*Or brass hooves*

Dr, Stable went down after a quick right hook across his chin, making time for Deadpool to find his gear, although it didn't take him long. They were placed in a bag in his hospital room closet , guess security is pretty lax.

Deadpool: " Alright, time to unleash the MacGyver inside all of us and find a way out of here *Checks the window* okay,uhhhhh, I think I found where happiness, rainbows, and airport gift shops come from."

Deadpool could see a good portion of Ponyville from the window.

Deadpool: " Fantastic, look at the towns folk, I'm still in my suit so naturally I'll stick out like somebodies sore thumb I broke."

*A thumb would be an improvement right now*

(or at least an erect spine)

*HAH….you said spine*

Deadpool:" *bonks head* Silence your mouth tubes you two. Hmm think, think , THINK, AH BRAIN-EXPLOSION."

*Jimmy Neutron , Really?*

Deadpool:" I said explosion…PPfft, anyway this place must have a supply closet.

( It's called a pharmacy, and the last thing we need to do is get high)

Deadpool:" I meant a supply closet for the maintenance and janitorial staff, just be on the lookout for Mexicans cowering in a door. "

Closing the door with his mouth, which was his first new learned skill, Deadpool marched his way through the hospital crowd, He came up to a door that said "Personal Only"

Deadpool : " Jackpot" *opens door, then locks from the inside*

Deadpool started to salivate at the sight in front of him, shelves of chemicals and tools from wall to wall.

Deadpool:" Wah Wah Wah, it's the spice rack of my wet dreams.*WEEN* where the hell did that come from ?

*The ween, IDK, but on another note, when did we have wet dreams about spice racks?*

( That stripper in New Orleans during mardi gras, her name was cinnamon, with a big "rack")

It was your typical chemical store room. Blue metal framed shelves, organized from disinfectants, virucides , fungicides, bactericides, emergency first aid, etc.

Deadpool:" hmm, let's see what we have to work with * scans* fertilizer CHECk …

Authors note, lets just assume anytime Deadpool grabs something , it's with his mouth or bear hugs it from now on.

Deadpool:" ….Ooo, *grabs road flare* Hello my old friend. "

After getting a few other items, Deadpool saw a rack of clean uniforms from the other staff. One stood out, a double breasted chefs coat and a white toque. Donning his new disguise, as best as he could with the new body, Deadpool takes all off is "ingredients" in his new bag ( jeez, redundant much writer?) Anyway, Deadpool heads towards the kitchen and begins cooking.

Deadpool grabs a bucket and pokes holes at the bottom with a apple core blade, pours the fertilizer into the bucket, when an unsuspecting earth pony starts rubber necking and makes his way towards the mercenary

Hors D'oeuvre:" My word, do you plan on serving that to our patients or the worms in their pottered tulips?

Deadpool:" oh this, it's a prank I'm pulling on Dr. Stable. I'll fill all the bedpans with this stuff and tell the Doc that he's on "Dooty" tonight."

Hors D'oeuvre: *chuckle* Oh what a novel idea sir, I can't wait to see the look on his face, carry on."

Deadpool:" Note to self: remember this prank if we're ever admitted to Mercy General hospital. "

*NOTED!*

From then on, hot water was past through the fertilizer and drained through the hole onto a skillet, heated until simmering. He then added 1 cup of sugar and 3 packs of gelatin, stirring until the granules dissolved. After letting it cool down sawdust was added until it became a hard paste . Deapool used a mortar and pestle to gently grind together the contents of the road flare, sulfur, powdered milk, and potassium chlorate. Using string he had found in the closet, Deadpool soaked it in the gelatin mixture before everything else, and reached into his bag to one of his pouches to retrieve a shotgun shell. He emptied it out over the string until it was saturated. Combining all the ingredients in a coffee can( I won't tell you how, that would be dangerous in case anyone is stupid enough to make this in their own :P).

Security:" *intercom* Attention Hospital staff, be on the lookout for a patient in a red and black suit. He's considered violent so contact any patrolling officers."

Deadpool: " The fuzz has gotten furrier, I guess they found the Doc. "

Hors D'oeuvre: " IT IS YOU , SECURITY!"

*Awwman , I wanted to take a picture with it*

(we didn't even get a chance to taste it)

Deadpool turned up the gas oven and lit the fuse on the flames, then tossing it out the kitchen doors. From there, a blinding red light came from the can with a cloud of black smoke covering all areas of the hospitals. Every pony was coughing and nearly blind, giving Deadpool a chance to head for the emergency exit, but not before dipping his hooves in sterno fluid and painting something on the floor. He then bolted to the exit door since the smoke was about to come in the kitchen as well. From there Deadpool ran out with his bag on his back, and a huge grin on his face.

*hmm we're not really running, so are we trotting?*

( Nope , we're running)

Deadpool was heading towards an alley way in the middle of town, but not before yelling ….

Deadpool: " HIGH HO MEEE AWAAAAAAAAYYYYY!"

_Back at the hospital_

Twilight Sparkle: *uses her horn to cast a dispersion spell, driving the smoke out of the windows*

Applejack: " *couch* unless ya'll ur charbroilin caramelized apple slices that stink of rotten eggs, somethin fishy is goin on. "

Rarity: " Your penchant for making food analogies is spot in Applejack."

Rainbow Dash:" WOAH, how did this happen?

Pinkie Pie:" AAHHH Twilight, why did you that , I almost had those pesky thought right where I wanted them?"

Dr Stable: *runs over* "Oh thank Celestia Twilight, that stallion we just treated escaped. "

Twilight: " Wait…Pinkie you may not be far off, that smoke screen spell must have come from him"

Pinkie Pie: " Well DUH… I figured out that there's no way he could've have lost his marbles, his belt had pouches on poaches on top of pouches to hole all of his marbles, so I thought of the only possible solution, COLORED SMOKE! I may use that for my next fire safety party, although that may send the wrong message."

Rainbow Dash: " Can it Pinkie, apparently we have a fugitive on the loose, and it's time for Equestria favorite hero to swoop in and catch the culprit."

Dr Stable: " Yes , call Mare Do Well"

Rainbow Dash: " WHAT? I was talking about me…

Pinkie Pie: " I'll GET THE MARE SIGNAL!"

Flutter Shy: " umm excuse me"

Rainbow Dash: " You do know that's Mare Do Well wasn't real right, it was a lame plot to get me off the "pedestal" I apparently put myself on, but I'm too awesome to let pride get the way my epicness. "

Fluttershy: " Ummm, I think that"

Rarity:" A lot of good that did everyone darling, we shan't be needing anything until I can get the repugnant smell off my pelt. "

Flutter Shy: " look, we don't actually"

Applejack:" Come on fussbudget, wait just a gosh darn minute, a stallion just dang near turned this place into smoke house and all you can think of is

Flutter Shy: " *STARE* "

Everpony gasps

Applejack: *nervous* Did ya'll have something to say sugar cube , floors all yours"

Flutter Shy: " Thank you, Doctor do you know why he did this, I don't think he would do this on purpose without good reason"

Dr. Stable:" girls what I forgot to mention was that his attire included numerous weapons that I'd never seen before, I was confronting him when I sucker punched me. "

Twilight Sparkle: " Hmm, Pinkie Pie stop sniffing for thoughts,marbles, or whatever"

Pinkie Pie:" Something smells funky *sniff* I know that smell. It reminds me of the time we did the Chocolate Fondue fundraiser at Sugarcube Corner ..Ooops"

Pinkie Pie's tail knocked over a hot skillet from the stove. As it fell, you could see a faint trace of blue and yellow light. When the pan hit the kitchen floor, flames started to coil around like a serpent. It stopped spreading once it cover all of the concentrated fluid. The flames weren't big enough to start a huge fire, and would go out in a few minutes since the sterno fluid was thinned out, but it was there long enough for the mare 6 to raise an eyebrow. The flames were actually letters, with a message

"YOU'VE JUST BEEN POOLED"

While everpony was contemplating the reasoning behind Deadpool's elaborate escape plan, a familiar voice burst through the hospital doors.

Spike: " TWILIGHT *running* *pant pant pant*

Spike was out of breath and reeked of smoke, Rarity took notice of the pungent odor and ran towards Spike cupping his head in her hooves 

Rarity : " MY POOR SPIKEY WIKEY, you must have been engulfed in those horrid smoke clouds"

Spike: *blushing*" ahh, nothing I couldn't handle my lady, I needed to get to Twilight ASAP to *BURP*

A scroll suddenly appeared from Spike's emerald green flames, falling in front to the group. Twilight immediately used her magic to open the letter and read.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle

I'm afraid I come with dire news. I sensed a great power looming towards Ponyville. When I heard back from one of my envoys I sent to investigate , he reported seeing a portal. A powerful portal that apparently brought an unknown guest. The portal in question felt like the one in our castle , the one you bravely stepped through to retrieve your crown. However, only dark magic could conjure such a spell. I'm unaware of any pony powerful enough to accomplish this. At this point I can't be sure who conjured it, or the intentions of our new guest. I need you to bring this traveler to me. I must inquire to its intentions, but I fear the dark magic behind this might bring danger to Equestria. Good luck princess, and to the rest of my little ponies

Princess Celestia

Twilight could already tell this was going to get ugly. Already this pony escaped a hospital using unknown magic to avoid his artillery from being discovered.

Twilight Sparkle: " Okay everypony , I have an order to apprehend this menace and bring him to Princess Celestia. I know this is asking a lot since he may be dangerous and unpredictable. I don't want anypony to put themselves at risk…

Applejack: " Hold on there, don't get all protective of us Twi. I don't give a hoot if Princess Celestia gave you the green light to this. If you're going , we're going.

Rainbow Dash: " That's right I'm not letting my friends go hunting for a fugitive without me. Right girls?"

Rarity: " This is just another lesson in friendship darling, Princess Celestia may have the authority and outfit to match it, but I follow you deary. "

Fluttershy: " Of course, besides, it couldn't be a humongous fire breathing , treasure hoarding dragon , in disguise..that would be just silly…unless it was …*gulp* but even so, I'm too"

Pinkie Pie: " Oh yeah, hey , this would be like a gift for the princess, maybe we should wrap him up in streamers , ribbons, bows, so he'd looks like a present. Then we can have a party in celebration for his capture, but would that mean he'd be invited to . Oh of course he would. Who am I to deny anyone a party….who would I be…..wow that would be like not me, who wouldn't make parties , or dress ponies up in gift wrap who can't …

AppleJack: " Let's just start hoofin it to Ponyville before this varmint has a arty of his own"

Pinkie Pie : " AHHH no fair , he's having one without us? "

Twilight Sparkle: "*sniff * thank everpony. I believe with the power f our friendship, we can take down this malevolent creature from another world."

_Ponyville main streets_

Deadpool: " ACHOOOO, FRIKIN ERIS, I'M ALLERGIC TO FUR"

*or it could be that other thing*

(the Anime rule if someone is talking about you, how apropos)

Deadpool , figured he had time to kill before word got out about how he turned the Hospital into a steam room for Demons and people making jerky. Getting his bearing around ponyville would be the first priority. Luckily he mastered his new body in terms of mobility. He walked through Ponyville as if he was a Travel channel host making color commentary about every thing that rubbed him the wrong way in the wrong spot *pfft , virgins* First he made his way to a couple of the stores. When in Rome after all.

_ Carousel Boutique._-

Deadpool: " Okay I think I got, they have a marry go round on top , so they can put kids on it, crank up the speed, since it's at a high altitude, they'll fling the kids across town and hit buildings during times of economic war. "

*Or they might be statues of the dame that lives here*

( No one would be that conceited about their work to make statues of themselves and put them on top of their place of business, this isn't Gargoyles the animated series. )

_Ponyville Day Spa_

Deadpool:" I've never seen a spa design by circus Gypsies. Creepy"

*What would Gypsies need a spa for*

( Steam room chambers for Nazis)

_ Sugarcube Corner_

Deadpool:" I'm getting diabetes just from looking at this place. When do they have time to decorate a firkin ginger bread house, during Christmas Season or Cabbage night?"

*ok Christmas I can wrap my hoove around , great now they got me doing it, but why cabbage night*

( Give the local trouble makers icing bags and "TP" The building with "RI" , Royal icing for those of you getting ideas in the real world.)

_Market place_

Deadpool:" So what's are next move?"

*we need to talk to Eris and get our body back *

( Walking like this makes me feel submissive….and I'm starting to like it)

Deadpool was also scouting potential threats. So far, everyone was smiling, being polite, everyone seems know one another, and they didn't even notice the merc walking down to the fountain.

*So what do you think DP?*

Deadpool: " Terrorist cell, just like cats. Always plotting right out in the open regardless of how cute they look. I mean, have you seen their tattoos.

*Umm , kind of sending the wrong message*

Deadpool:" Then what are they trying to get across?

(They figured out how to make a tramp stamp look tasteful, who knew it was by putting it on both side of the barn)

Deadpool:" The barn, really, that's how we talk now…Brilliant!

Twilight Sparkle: " Don't take another step, by orders of Princess Celestia , ruler of Equestria, I'm here to take you Canterlot to be placed under the supervision of her majesty for threat evaluation and confinement for crimes against Ponyville. "

Pinkie Pie : " YEAH WHAT SHE SAID , THAT'S SOME TRUTH YO WITH SOME FROSTING ON IT!

Deadpool: " Really now, here I am minding my own business peeping at the local ink , while the local purple fuzz is trying to get me in hand c…hoof cuf…okay this is going to get at me all day, what do you use on criminals to keep them from escap…AHHHH

Deadpool was encased in a purple force field

Twilight Sparkle: " That's how we roll in PV yo"

Rainbow Dash:" *FaceHoof* you just became 20% less cooler Twi. Just stick with being the upstanding book work we all love before you become the poser we send to a shrink, I mean come in that's something that I would do"

Twilight Sparkle: " Sry"

Deadpool:" Perfect, HAHAHA, all you need is some glasses and a guitar riff, Because, when you act like someone you're not, we might be looking as a case of *puts sun glasses on* Miss-Taken- Identity *THE WHO GUITAR RIFF WITH SCREAM*"

AppleJack:" Oh for the love of fritters, are you completely of your rocker?"

Deadpool: " TOTALLY!"

Rainbow:" Hey, you just blew up a hospital, and you're cracking jokes, make one more and I'll bring you to Celestia my airmail you poor excuse for a clown. "

Deadpool:" Hey , do I look like Patch Adams, all I wanted to do was get out , it's not my fault the Doctors chin was so close to my fist…or hoof. I didn't know if he was trying to ask me questions or check my prostate. I don't mind if parks his car in the rear entrance with a rubber glove and some lit candles, but with that hoof, pfft, you'd need a crane and a priest for that job."

*Yeah, a crane to lower you on it*

( And the priest to operate the crane, at least he'll be merciful , unless he was doing it)

Deadpool:" Yup, I must insist on fingers, then he can use one and maybe two."

*The second one is actually not that bad*

(yup, in case you need a second opinion)

Deadpool:" But then again…

Applejack :" STOP IIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.

Pinkie pie at this point was that one not talking, just listening, but laughing her tail off.

This was going nowhere fast, so Fluttershy had to step in. She walked towards the violet colored force field Twilight had raised( SHIELDS). She found her center and took a deep breath. This was her first time interacting with someone that had the potential to be extremely violent, that wasn't an animal. She was indeed out of her comfort zone, but the strength of her friendship with Twilight and her loyalty to Princess Celestia gave her the drive she needed. Plus she was about the give Deadpool something that she only gave to Discord , Kindness to someone who needed it, because they never really experienced such a wonder.

FlutterShy:" Excuse me sir, I'm sorry but I don't even know your name, I would hate to disrespect you by calling you something you're not comfortable with. "

Deadpool:" Uh huh, you first. *face to face* because I want to know what to put on your name tag after I go Sweeny Todd on all of you, cause I want your loved ones to at least be able to spot you out in the ditch I'm going to leave you in because they might think you're a wounded dog that was mangled when someone tossed his favorite chew toy filled with razor blades in a box of steak knives, salt, and diluted rat poison"

The townsfolk were shocked. To say something like that to Flutter Shy. Not only did that image sink in, but Deadpool knew she would probably imagine an actual dog being mangled by those methods. The last bit of laughter from Pinkie Pie quickly vanished. The rest of the mare 6 were ready to take him down if he made good on hits threat. All Twilight Sparkle could think of was how to get her friend out of that situation…until

FlutterShy:" *shy voice* my….name…is fluttershy…

Deadpool: " I'm sorry what?

Fluttershy:" *clears throught* My name is…fluttershy.

Deadpool:" *Little John Impersonation* HU-WHAT-TAH!

Fluttershy:" My name is Fluttershy."

Deadpool:" FlutterShy, HAH! You guys remind me of Little John from Robin hood"

*Wait, wasn;t he Andre The Giant big?"

( Strike that , reverse it mo-fo)

Flutter Shy: " Possibly , I'm not sure who you're referring too, but I'm sure it's accurate.

Deadpool:" Thank you Fluttershy, you deserve a gift basket of assorted jams, preserves and rubber dicks to put them on, but anyway, My name is Wade Wilson. "

FlutterShy:" Well it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now, I understand that you may be upset by putting you in a cage I wouldn't leave my bunnies, but we have good intentions for doing."

Deadpool:" Yeah, Hitler had good intentions when he turned jews into slaves by day and cookie dough by night. You wouldn't want to make a cookie out me, it'd be like biting into a dog biscuit designed to make an anorexic poodles vomit and then abstain from biscuits all together, do you own a dog.

Flutter Shy: " Why yes I do"

Deadpool:" ? you like animals?"

Flutter Shy:" Nothing brings me more happiness then spending time wih my furry friends. "

Deadpool:" Wonderfull, I just through up in my mouth"

FlutterShy: " Oh I'm sorry. If you're sick then I'm sure they're plenty of medical supplies at Princess Celestia's castle. Come with us and I can make sure you are treated with the upmost respect. "

Deadpool:" Under one condition. Don't use magic to bind me while we go. I have a thing about people "all up in my grills yo, dey has beef all up in dhere and I don't want dat touching my chicken"

Rainbow Dash: " WHAT, do you think we're that stupid?"

Deadpool:" only 20% of you"

Rainbow Dash: *GRRR*

AppleJack: " Flutter shy, ya'll thinking this pony can be trusted"

FlutterShy:" Ladies, all this stallion has done is escape from someone he's not familiar with , in a slightly violent way, all because of the items he wears. For all we know, he could be a soldier, but you wrote him off without considering his feelings. If I was in the same situation , I'd want to leave ASAP. He's tired, hungry , and lost, trapping him and the threats are not helping. "

Rarity:" Oh dear, I guess we jump to conclusions. I'm sorry Fluttershy."

Fluttershy: " *cough* Ahem *point to the floating Deadpool*

Rarity:" Why yes of course, Wade please except my sincerest apologies for assuming were an deranged criminal "

AppleJack:" Me too partner,

Pinkie Pie:" Hmm, Answer me this , cupcakes or muffins?

Deadpool:" Trick question, both. Use a muffin top to sandwich the frosting with the bottom portion of the cupcake. " I call it the "muff-diver"

Pinkie Pie: " GENUIES , REALEASE THIS MAN NOW!

Twilight was contemplating her options as she walked toward the force field. With her friends valid points and the fact he didn't really put anyone in danger, made her decision trifling. She stared right at the merc, letting him know what was about to go down.

Twlight Sparkle:" First, a few rules. Spike , take a note. Title it " Transporting a cooperative person of interest". 1. Hooves must be bound to the chains , but only to hinder the chances of escaping, more will be needed if the subject is uncooperative. 2. Any acts committed by said person of interest that could be interpreted as hostile will be subject to further confinement. 3. Personal items will be processed before departure and after arrival. 4. Walking distance will be designated by first commanding authority pony…...Wade do you understand the bylaws that I've just given you and that any violation of said laws is punishable to further investigation and possible prison time?"

Deadpool:" ….What, sry I was watching a balloon go by, it took every oz. of strength not to pop it. That's their destiny folks, the suffering needed to stop."

Twilight Sparkle: *Teeth grinding* do you agree not to do anything that Fluttershy would consider bad."

Deadpool: " Yup, Sweet. You'll be my interpreter .

Fluttershy:" It would be a pleasure. "

Deadpool: " but first I have a request, first let me out of here. "

Twilight Sparkle quickly dispelled her force field. Leaving Deadpool free as a doobie on 4/20.

Deadpool:" ok , this has been eating at my mind brain….yes those exist …..what's with the kindergarten tribal tattoos on your ba donk a donks?"

Rainbow Dash:" What's it too ya blank flank."

Deadpool" Did you just insult me, Fluttershy"

Fluttershy:" Sardonically, yes"

Deadpool" Well, I was going to ask what they're for, but thanks to Rainbow Bright's future source of colored glue , I've got something to Say"

Who wouldn't want a big musical finish? After being let out of the magical barrier, Deadpool agreed to be escorted to Princess Celestia's Castle for his "interrogation," but not before committing his first chaotic act. Stirring the pot so to speak before returning to see what kind he's dealing with. A chef always screws up the first time he/she cooks something unheard of. To Deadpool, regardless of the turnout , would come back for seconds.

_Musical Interlude _

Deadpool Jump was doing a little bit of a jig. A mix of styles depending on who he was heading towards. But now let's listen to the docent sound of Deadpools first song in a Equestria . Just imagine Deadpool Dancing in pony form all around Ponyville like Aladdin in Agrabah and giving a little twist on the great American past time of tattoo art.

Deadpool:"

"Violet stars, Butterflies, Rainbow Bolts going down your thighs.

Queer tattoo, those are queer tattoos"

" Party Balloons , Violet Jewels, Apples to apples , not the game card rules,

But it's a queer tattoo, they're still got a queer tattoos. "

" You got candy heart and an apple slice, best to give you some free advice,

Those are queer tattoos, some very queer tattoos"

"Ya think that Silver Spoon means nobility , or style and class….filly please,

It's a queer tattoo, a pretentiously queer tattoo. "

"Any food tattoo is really queer, it might as well say

"unload condiments here"

That's a tramp tattoo , an anorexic tramp tattoo."

"The barbell tat on your quadriceps, you got from squatting 1000reps

That's a sweet tattoo, Bro that's a sick tattoo."

"You got the 1/4th of a slice, he scored the rest of the wedge, you must of rolled the dice, when you made that pledge,

For the queerest tattoo, the lesser of the queer tattoos."

"A Treble Cleff helps you read a song, but sporting a cello makes it so damn wrong, weren't you watching when they put that on?

You got the wrong tattoo, but the Bass cleff's still a queer tattoo."

"You love your smiling flowers tat, but that's just them laughing at

Your queer tattoos, so many laughing tattoos"

"I guess you got that spiral sun, from the tribal talisman

Of queer tattoos, the tribe of queer tattoos."

"You've got snails and scissors all over the place, it used to mean boys , but that's not the case.

They're just queer tattoos, some rowdily queer tattoos."

"And by queer , I just mean bad, it wouldn't mean gay unless you had,

A PINK TRIANGLE ON A RAINBOW FLAG WITH A BEAR WEARING LEATHER AND A RED BALL GAG…that's queer tattoo

A literally queer tattoo."

The carriage from Canterlot had just arrived after Deadpools musical number. He stepped off the fountain to hop in, but not before hearing some feedback, especially from the ponies he was directing the lyrics at.

How will they respond? What does the Princess have in store for Deadpool? Id Discord off somewhere watching and laughing his horns off? What of Deadpool's plans to wreak some havoc? All will be answered in the next chapter.

P.S.

If anyone can guess all of the ponies I referenced in that song, they can suggest the next world I'll be sending Deadpool to.

Again, If you read this, please send some non flame feedback. I want to know if I'm at least causing some chuckles from you. I love to entertain people, I do it at cons as Deadpool all the time, but I need to know if I'm on the right track.

Thank you for reading everyone.

Twilight Sparkle: " Hmm, Dr. Stable, could you give us a minute."

Dr. Stable: "Of course. I'll draw up the discharge papers and you'll be out of here in two shakes of a ponies tail"

On that note , the doctor left the room, giving the floor to Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle: " You aren't from Equestria are you?"

*Ok get it together buddy, we new this was going to happen. I bet Eris changed you. To kind of get grass roots experience if we ended up in a Universe with non humanoids. I say we play innocent until we find more about this place, find it's weak point , then poke the weak spot until it bleeds*

(Then poke it some more to see if it's dead, and cause it makes me giggle)

Deadpool: " If Equestria means a place where I wouldn't be caught dead drunk on a bet, then yeah. "

Pinkie Pie: " I thought so, I know every pony in Ponyville and I'd think I'd notice a pony in a red and black superhero outfit, unless your secret identity is one of the ponies I know and you haven't introduced your because you busy fighting crime. "

Deadpool " …I'm a pony?"

Rainbow Dash:" Dude do you have amneisia or something?"

Deadpool: " You're asking me if I have amnesia…..that's like asking someone if they have something on their eyesocket, but for you I'll check…"

You couldn't have painted a better picture, Deadpool rolled his eyes to the back of his head. What he was checking for..is anyones guess.

Pinkie Pie: " Oooh Ohh me next! "

Pinkie followed Deadpools example and rolled her eyes as well.

Pinkie Pie: " I can see my head from up here *WEEN*"

Rarity: " Charming as ever Pinkie darling *hint of sarcasm,* what I think what Twilight and Rainbow Dash were insinuating was that you're not from this world. So where are you from then if you don't mind me asking."

*That's it earn their trust, then just play it cool until we can at least get our gear*

( Hopefully our pouches didn't follow suit and get turned into a saddle)

Deadpool: " Ya know , I'd be able to explain it better if I had my pouches …..and my swords….right now"

Twilight Sparkle:" Sure, I don't see why not."

Twilights horn glowed as she was able to summon Deadpool's gear. Deadpool jump out of the Hospital bed and let her help him put them on.

Deadpool: " Heh, you some kind of telepath or something?"

Twilight Sparkle: " Of course not, that was just basic levitation magic."

Deadpool:" Magic….you mean you're not a mutant."

Rarity:" Good heavens! A mutant how dare you!"

Deadpool: " Easy there Joann Rivers wannabe, mutants are as common as red heads in an Irish bar where I come from…*stomach rumble*, I guess I missed my breakfast beer, *Irish accent* could ya be a lass and tell me where the nearest pub is?"

Apple Jack:" What the hey is a pub?"

Deadpool:" You guys don't have pubs, it's holy place where mircles can happen. A beer in one hand and a beef pie in the other. Breakfast of mercenaries."

Apple Jack:" Ah shoot sugar cube. I reckon you're as hungry as a squirrel in a bird feeder. Let's get you some grub and we can talk."

Deadpool: " Wonderfull, but no beer?"

Apple Jack: " Beg pardon?"

Deadpool:" *sigh* Nevermind, guess I'll be sober for the next 3 chapters."

On that note, everypony exited the hostpital as soon as Deadpool figured out how to walk on all fours. A daunting task, but as Deadpool would put it " When in Rome, do the Romans." Upon exiting the hospital, Deadpool nearly was blinded by the sight of Ponyville. As if the planet was an entire palette of bright colors, every building , food stand, and statue stood out. The ponies decided to take Deadpool to one of their favorite eateries, Sugarcube Corner.

Twilight Sparkle:" So what do think if of the town"

Deadpool: " I think I found where all air fresheners , gingerbread houses, and rainbows come from."

*Oh good, we can fart all day and no one would be pointing fingers at us*

( *sigh* Breathtaking , literally)

Pinkie Pie: "


	2. CHAPTER 6: Red and Black equals insane!

I haven't done spell check on this so I apologize, but I just needed to get this up.

Again I don't own ANYTHING in terms of Hasbro and Marvel Comics

Please read and review, no flames.

Don't forget to PM me about what show/movie/anime/video game/ cartoon ..World you want Deadpool to raise some hell in

Thank you , D-Piddy 8256

Inside Deadpool's head

CHAPTER 6: A red and black crazy Marvel character we all forgot Deadpool kind of looks like( I know , weird title but you'll get it)

Inside Tartarus (well, Tartarus inside Deadpool's head)

No one in their right mind( no pun intended) would even attempt to get inside Deadpool's head. Even if they wanted to, they wouldn't be able to read his mind. With being tortured, cancer, and healing factor, Deadpool reached a knew level of insanity, which makes him impervious telepaths and all mind readers alike, but a goddess, well that's a whole new kind of crazy.

Deadpool" WHA…*looks around* Oh come *pout*

Without a doubt, Deadpool knew he had been summoned by Eris. He was now in Tartarus, a veritable realm of chaos. However , Deadpool wasn't summoned. In fact the last thing Deadpool remembered was blacking out after his musical rant about Cutie Marks.

Eris :" Don't worry Wade, your body is still in Equestria, I just decided to take a little trip inside your head, just to say hi and…."

Deadpool." YOU FRIKIN SMURF FART! A FRIKIN PONY! 

Eris: " Oh good you noticed *checkle*"

Deadpool:" OOHHH YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I was in a Hostpital where a "Candy Striper" just might be someponies name, and I looked down to notice that my fingers were replaced by hooves and I was being stared at by 6 mares and one only wearing a cowboy hat…..I mean come on….this was the worst porno setting. I mean combining themes has always been the key to variety , but this is over kill….sounds like you wanted to please everyone (no pun intdended) so you through in beastiality, dr/patiet role play, exhibitionism , group , andro, what kind of adudience would ….

Eris: " Let me stop you right there, take a look"

Deadpool looked down and notices he was standing , with finger , arms , legs ….he was back to his old self.

Deadpool:" Oh thumb and index finger , I've missed you so much. Oh I'm gonna have fun with you two, we'll go the fireing range, shoot a bear, and poke at it's corpse for like an hour"

Eris: " As much as I'd like to see that, I'm afraid you're still a pony. Remember we're in your head. Anyway, I seem to recall you not being pleased with the new body I gave you *tsk tsk tsk* and you look so cute in it.

Deadpool:" Killing people with cuteness is not in my arsenak, but I since you took my trigger happy trigger finger and gave me hooves , I hope you brought a Hilights magazine because it turns out that healking my healing factor back in jump city was only temerpary. My cuteness level is nilch.

Eris:" Did you think I did that to torure you?"

Deadpool:"Yeah, cause I cut odd a chronic masterbater's hands off, and the irony made me laughed so hard my lungs punched my stomach in the head."

Eris:"Be that as it may, your job doesn't entail you to stand out like a sore thumb , oops I guess you can't even get sore thumbs now"

Deadpool:" I can if I chop off the next humanoid in Ponyville thumbs while still in pony mode"

Eris:" Sorry dear , just a mystical creatues"

Deadpool" Then suck IT!

Eris:" SILENCE!

In the starry sky in herthrone room , Eris;s horoscope minion Scorpio wrap it's tale around Deadpool, with the stinger inches away from his face.

Deadpol: *cough* *struggle* You know….scorpions can't to this is real …..*choke* life.

Eris turned into her gasous form right in in front of Scorpio

Eris :" The idea here is to plant the seeds of chaos into this world, what better way to do that if the source is one of their own? That's why I tunred you into a pony *chuckle* my little pony.

Deadpool:" Ok , but how am I going to do that when I just leaned how to walk with no hands and a tail. I may have instilled jealously to a firkin newborn, but not chaos."

Eris:" You'll figure it out, anyway, time for you to wake up….by the way… everyone in Ponyville won't be singing your praises anytime soon"

With that , Deadpool snapped back into reality . this time he was in the middle of Carousel Boutique. The mare 6 had to drag Deadpool away from the mob of angry ponies. They lost them a while back, and had to use Twlights teleportation spell to get them to the boutique until things settled down. That's not happeneing anytime soon.

Twilights Sparkle : " WHAT IN THE NAME OF STARSWIRL THE BEARDED WERE YOU THINKING?"

Deadpool:" ABSOLUTLY NOTHING …HAH!"

Rarity: " This is even worse than the smoke bomb incident, did you intend on making everyone hate you?

Deadpool:" Sweet cheeks, I could care less of what you all thought of me, besides empathy is a gateway emotion, next thing ya know I'll start crying ."

Rainbow Dash:" You made that pretty clear when you eyeballed every cutie mark in Ponyville."

*Cutie Mark? I guess that sounds better than tramp stamp*

(it's not really a tramp stamp, that would entail it's only one tattoo, so in this case it's on both sides)

*So they treat their tattoos here like butter and toast, put it on both sides and hope the toast isn't burnt*

(When do we not think of everything as a food item?)

Deadpool:" Cutie Mark, really? So what everyone in town decided to go to the tattoo parlor and say " Good sir give me a design a 4th grader would be impressed by." HAH!"

Apple Jack: " Hey, cutie marks ain't some kind a fancy artwork,"

Deadpool:" You're telling me *chuckle*"

Apple Jack:" Ya earn em in due time, they represent your…uh….Rarity ya'll wanna help me out her?"

Rarity:" They represent that certain, Je nais se quoi, all of us possess, and don't bother explaining it to Wade Apple Jack, a Neanderthal like him wouldn't be able to understand it let alone spell it. "

Deadpool:" Hey I can spell , I'm just lucky the writer has spell check."

*Dude, we're losing them. What if this Celestia chick finds out we work for Eris? We only have Fluttershy on our side. Score some points or we won't have a fall back*

Deadpool:" *sigh* Look, you ladies saved me from drowning , I can't heal from that so I'm thankful. Let's start from scratch."

Everyone:" Agreed!"

Deadpool:" Sweet, so who is this Celestia chick?"

Twilight Sparkle:" She is the ruler of all of Equestria, responsible for the rise of the sun and former handler of the Elements of Harmony. Plus she's my mentor so…

Deadpool had been relaxing on one of Rarity's couches, soaking up most of the pleasant atmosphere despite the angry mob chasing him.

Twilight Spaprkle: " No *poke* Funny *poke* Buisness …are we clear?

*Did she mean us?*

(Nope, just playing hard to get)

Deadpool:" Crystal Meth clear,"

Pinkie Pie: " *pops out from behind the couch*Then make a Pinkie Promise"

Deadpool:" Wait what the heck is…..oh yeah"

He just reminded himself of the blatant absence of fingers, so she probably meant her instead of the ever popular Pinkie Swear.

Pinkie Pie:" So repeat after me*holds up hoof*"

Deadpool:" After me"

Pinkie Pie: " *laughs* finally someone who gets that set up. You're the first to literally say "after me" after I said "repeat after me" after the fact"

Deadpool:" AFTER…this is over hopefully by this AFTERnoon , we should hang out"

Pinkie:" Cool, and bring your two friends, well you kind of have to since they're in your head"

*0.o Oh…*

(o.0 crap)

Deadpool:" Lets just get the promise thing over with"

Pinkie Pie:" Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye*pokes eye*"

Deadpool:" Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye ..can't really poke myself through the mask…but whatever…I loves me a good cupcake."

Twilight Sparkle:" Good, then we can move on. I've already have a carriage set up to the train station where we'll take the 3:15 straight to Canterlot, Rarity can you find something for him to wear?"

Rarity:" Way ahead of you darling, I honestly don't know how you could galavant all over town in that ridiculous outfit."

Fluttershy:" Rarity , what did we say about not jumping to conclusions"

Rarity:" *cringes * I mean….that suit looks very dapper and dashing *under breath* for a prisoner *clears throat* anyway, what will it take for me to get you out of those clothes?"

Deadpool:" *in a southern belle voice* Well a gentleman would buy me dinner first , cause I'm a classy broad !"

Rarity:" Oh for Celestia's sake ,Literally , at least let me take off that mask"

Rarities horn started to glow and a beam of blue light was heading for Deadpool. He remembered that Raven's healing spell had worn off when he crossed worlds , so he was back to his heavily scarred figure. Finding out that he was a mutate would only begin the intrusive questionare, after that he might as well tell them the whole plot. Plus , Deadpool never liked it when he took his mask for people he didn't know, those would lead to questions he was too familiar with that brought up memories that Eris will eventual blur out. With that in mind, Deadpool held on to his mask with both hooves, tucked and rolled off the couch and sprung right on top of Rarity, and in a familiar fashion, reached for his katana that he couldn't grab. So know he found himself in an awkward position. With every pony wondering what happened, Deadpool finally spoke.

Deadpool:" New rule…no one….touches my mask and I keep the suit on in front anybody…In fact ..treat me like Don Juan FRIKIN DEMARCO ..and just respect the fact that I don't like to show my face in public.."

Everyone was speechless. Especially Rarity even when Deadpool helped her up and apologized. After that , they all went outside to get into their carriage. It was suitable for all seven to fit in, but not comfortable enough for a long journey. So Twilight told the two stallions attached to the carriage to "step on it." Then they made their way to the Ponyville trainstation ..in complete silence….until..

Pinkie Pie:" So what's up with the mask?"

The girls gasped and waited for Deadpool to maul Pinkie Pie.

Deadpool:" Eh, old scars from my previous occupation, not something I like to show women, but sometimes chicks dig the scars after a few beers and a made up story about saving 13 jewish babies from a burning building that was started by a Nazi. "

Then came the face palms, or hooves.

Rainbow Dash:" What the heck?"

Apple Jack:" Ya'll nearly trampled Rarity and Pinkie gets the scoop just by askin?"

Deadpool:" She didn't try to take the mask off"

Twilight Sparkle:" *still a little surprised* This going to give me headaches."

Rarity:" This is going to give me wrinkles"

Fluttershy" …*fetal position*

Deadpool:" Relax Fluttershy, so far you and Pinkie are my favorites."

Fluttershy was starting to understand Deadpool, if anything this brought back memories of when she reformed Discord. After all of this was over , she thought she could get Deadpool to open up and who knows…maybe even friendship.

The carriage finally made it to the station. Twilight tipped the stallions and waited for everyone to get off.

Twilight Sparkle:" Only one bag Rarity, is the apocalypse coming?"

*Seriously , can she get in our head or what?*

Rarity: " After that little rumble I just wanted to get this over with, so I told Spike to unpack everything I planned to bring. Trust me it wasn't an easy decision"

Deadpool:" Just be glad you were between me and the floor. If you weren't I might've gone to town on your carpet…Umm…strike that…I'll that to your pussy cat ….jeez I just can't seemed to win fighting my innuendos. *steps on the platform* why fight them, it's just a losing battle."

Rarity:" Twilight , what did all that mean? I'm starting to worry that he comes from a place of nothing but double, triple, or quadruple entendre. "

Twilight Sparkle:" Your guess is as good as mine, but we'll learn more when the Princess gets a hold of him*steps on platform*."

_Canterlot_Royal Castle_

No greater a scene to cast the rulers of Equestria , than a perfect sunset. A cascade of orange rays with a shades darkness, slowly covering all of canterlot as if it was a mothers blanket tucking her children to sleep. For Princess Celestia this was the perfect time to converse with her sister , Princess Luna. Celestia's mind was starting to writher in condradictions cascading with worry and uncertainty. When Princess Luna entered her throne room, she walked towards her sister, in utter worry. She behested the guards to vacate the Throne Room so she my converse, not just as co-rulers, but as sisters.

Princess Luna:" My dear sister doth thou still hold worry for your champions of harmony?"

*sigh* Celestia stood and moved towards her little sister. Their eyes met, from there Luna knew her questioned was answered.

Luna:" I'm privy to your circumstances , I do beseech you, let me …

Celestia :"* chuckle* you don't have to be so formal with your own sister."

Luna :" Oh yes, very well *clears throat* I'm just concerned about you. As soon as that horrid portal opened over Ponyville, I can't imagine how worried you must be for them."

Celestia:"*shakes head no* I know those girls can take care of themselves. The power of their friendship is a force to be reckoned with, and If I know Twilight….she would never let anything happen to them or Equestria, however.."

Luna:" Yes sister?"

Celestia:" *sigh* It's not what went through the portal that concerns me, it's the creature's magic that was able to summon such magic. I felt the same presence when Spike and Twilight went through the mirror to retieve her crown. For someone to create a gateway like that , without some sort of conduit is what I'm really worried about. Hopefully our new guest will enlighten us.

Luna:" With my past discresions with your former pupil can tell me only one thing.."

Celestia:" Yes?"

Luna:" That creature better like books…..

Both:*laugh*

Celestia:" Thank you sister, I needed that. I'm sure Twilight can entertain our guest by some means."

_Ponyville-Canterlot_Train_

Twilight had figured that everyone should be at least cordial during the long ride in terms of Deadpool. They had learned nothing of his intentions, background, place of birth, or anything else for that matter. Just a name, body suit, and enough weapons to make Charlton Heston look like a child holding his first gun at the 4-H Club. This was her chance for everyone to pitch in and get some heart to heart time with Deadpool. They all knew at the very least he was away from home, away from friends, but the worst part was that Twilight had deduced that maybe Deadpool didn't have any. Being stuck in a forign land, without friends by your side, or even to look forward going back to, must have been painfull for him. She decided that they receive a private coach. Wall to wall pearl light colors, with sky blue curtain around the coach windows with yellow frills. Ceramic tile flooring, round tables fitted with cushioned seats ( The ones at Dennies :P) a bar that could serve drinks and a full stocked kitchen. Everypony marveled at their accommodations. Rarity let out so many "oohs, aahs, and MY WORD" Pinkie Pie and Applejack (sitting at the bar) invented a game where they'd take a sip of their cider if Rarity had uttered one of the aforementioned words I believed she called it "Marvel".

Pinkie Pie:" Ooh another word!"

AppleJack: " *gulp* beg pardon*

Rarity: " Ohh my how Marvelous!"

Pinkie Pie:" That two sips*gulp* YUUMMY!"

Any way, Fluttershy marveled

Pinkie pie:" ANOTHER!"

facepalm* as I was saying Fluttershy was kept herself to the window, watching the creatures that were running on the side of the train from the Everfree Forest. When the animals couldn't keep up she kept staring waiting for more…..

Rainbow Dash:"*face against screen* BOOGAH BOOGAH!"

Flutthershy:" AHH*fetal positions"

I guess Rainbow Dashed preferred her own style. She was matching speeds with the train. Normally it would be slower , but since there were only to car and the engine room it went along faster, Raonbow Dash excepted the challenge with the added bonus of spooking Fluttershy.

Twilight saw all of this and was gratefull she had met everyone of them. Deadpool however, was sitting alone at the table, apparently reading something. I guess he does like books. Twilight decided that this would be the time for Deadpool to open up and let him know there was nothing to worry about. She took a lesson from Fluttershy , and despite his attitude, she was going to extend him a little kindness, so which she instructed everpony to do, as long as Deadpool was receptive. She walked over to him…..and realized that she was about to receive a form of torture everyone from Deadpool's universe knew too well…..Deadpool and what he does when he's bored.

Twilight: " *cough* ummm, hey their stranger….

Deadpool:"…

Twlight:" Did I not say that correctly…

Twilight used her magic to grab a book she had brought with her " How to talk to anyone, even if don't want to." After flipping a few pages she got to the " Greeting" chapter and skimmed a few selections.

Twilight:" *ahhum cough* Yo, sup my brohan….*no response* …broba fett…*slince*…my brony ,,"

Deadpool:" HOLD IT!...where I come from, that word will get you tarred, feather, then de-feathered, battered, deepfried and on my plate. "

Twilight:" Oh , *nervous laugh* I'm sorry I was just trying to engage in a conversation , I guess my book doesn't cover everpony. "

Deadpool:" A+ for effort though, so what's up. Come to grill me again, Isn't that what the train ride is for?"

Twilight :" Wade, I don't know why your being to defensive, Equestria is a land of peace, nothing will come ill of you. If anything you might enjoy yourself and make some new friends"

Deadpool:" Don't hold your breath sister…..unless you want to, cause I really want to see what color you'd turn into, my money is on fuchsia."

*How do we know that?*

( The only time he ever pulled out color swatches was when we got the Web Head drunk)

*oh yeah, had to find the right colored elephant right*

(to tattoo on his armpit, it'll be great when he starts to pose nude in the mirror)

*Does he need to be drunk to do that*

(That's the funny part…NOOPPPEE!)

Twilight:" Ok.. sooo*tosses book , Pinkie Pie catches it and says "Heh, it's the first book I ever wrote"* What are you reading?"

Deadpool:" You really sure you wanna ride this "train"?"

Twilight:" Metaphorically , Of course"

Deadpool: " Sweet , it's been like ShawShank in here. Check this out *pulls her into the seat* Spike lent me one of his Comics and I can't get over it. Power Ponies .. Don't get me wrong I'm not crapping on. Spike told me how you guys actually got to be in the world of a comic book *sigh* that must be awesome. "

*Did we lay the sarcasm on to thick?*

(not thick enough)

Deadpool:" Thing is we have the same stuff in my world *looks through * HAHHAHHH, "The Maniac," fell in a tank of shampoo, *chuckle* If that happened to the Joker and it was Herbal Essences brand , he'd wouldn't be able to walk two steps without moaning let alone fight crime heeheheheh they'd have to call him "THE URGE." I mean come on, you've got some philly sportin two Marvel characters , the style of a cartoon character , that took that style from the previous Marvel Character..to look like a DC character, HAHAH! I haven't seen this kind of inbreeding since Ultimate X-men. Oooh which one were you? Who knew you had to have your way with your sisters, daddy's ,Uncle to make a DC character?

*We did*

( Duh)

Twilight:" Oh, I was the Masked Matter-Horn with the…..

Deadpool:" With the powers of ol one eye from his master Professor Optomitrist HAH!

Pinkie Pie had overheard some laughter and saw it was coming from the table Deadpool was sitting. She couldn't three things, having a good laugh, making new friends in the process , and breaking the fourth wall. She hopped over to the table and joined in.

*It's Pinkie Pie*

( It's about to go DOWN)

^you know it^

*WHA….*

Deadpool:" *chuckle while flipping the page* ok , who's this *points to Fili-Second's*?"

Twlight:" That was Pinkie Pie's character, for the first time her mouth matched her speed"

Deadpool and Pinkie's eyes popped out

Twilight:" Oh my, did I say something to insult you Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie:" Your first one liner…*HUG* I'm so HAPPY"

Deadpool:" HOOF BUMP "

Both Pinkie and Deadpool Exchanged hoof bumps

Deadpool:" Blow it Up "

Then Pinkie made that blow up sound, Deadpool looked confused.

Deadpool:" Oh yeah, usually I'm palming a grenade when I do that joke to people, eh well. So what was your power?"

Pinkie Pie: " OOOOhh, I was this really really fast pony call Fili-Second who went really fast , like this one time when we first landed through this GIANORMOUS PORTAL.

*sounds familiar *

( Eris you little(

_Tartarus _After being in DP'S head_

Eris :" Ah AHH AHHHHCHOOO..*snif*

_Back to the Train _

Pinkie Pie:"….I was all zoom zoom zoom zoom , I even made the zoom sound because I was going really fast , I'm talking Really REALLY really fast. "

ALL:" WE GET IT"

Deadpool:" *snicker* so you'd be the only vehicle THE FLASH could ride in…..and it's a Pink Pony, HAHAHAH! No Flash mobile for that douche…..

Twilight, Deadpool, and Pinkie Pie couldn't help but laugh. Deadpool was talking about comic heroes from his world ( as comic book characters, cause that'd explain a lot about where he's from) AppleJack stopped playing Pinkie's game when she changed the rules and let the secret word be laughing , so naturally she had to go( to the bathroom first) to the table.

Apple Jack:" Watcha all gawking and howlerin bout?"

Deadpool pickes up the comic and turns the page , holding it right in front of Apple Jack.

Deadpool:" Oh this had to be you!"

Apple Jack:" Ah shucks. Yup that was me , Mistress Mare-velous. Sep my only power was lassoin meh self to a pole on the first go round. "

Deadpool:" Hmm, so Wonder Women had her thing with Batman , snuck out of bed, and took his utility belt, then suddenly became a pony …..BRILLIANT!"

Rainbow Dash:" Hey , lets not forget the coolest Power Pony. "

*Oh no, did they make her US?!*

( They made every other version, how would this be different?)

*Deviant Art*

(Touche good sir)

Apple Jack:" Dash, we nearly had ourselves our own rodeo starrin your tornado"

Rainbow Dash:" And….HOW COOL WAS THAT. Oh come on , two earth ponies and a unicorn flying through a tornado, you guys we're like 20% cooler then."

Apple Jack:" Pardon? What are we now"

Rainbow Dash: " Umm safe?

Apple Jack:" After I hog tied it.

Deadpool :" Let me guess, you were the spawn on Storm and Thor?"

*Who knew Thor had jungle fever?*

( *sigh* everybody, including THE HUB now)

Rainbow:" Say what now?"

Deadpool points to the black spandexed pony with the lightning bolt necklace.

Rainbow Dash:" Oh yeah, I gotta tell you , that costume was awesome , I should have Rarity make me one."

*We should tell Thor that Hammers are so yesterday and melt down his hammer into some bling*

Rarity:" Make you what darling?"

Rainbow Dash:" That costume I had when I was ZAP in the comic world"

Rarity:" Hmm, that might actually be a goof idea, I could make a whole new fashion line of costumes from comic books, that's sounds absolutely Marvel-ous. "

*and that's how cosplay was born in Equestria*

(can't wait for Brony-con)

Deadpool:" and who were you sweet cheeks? Let me guess , an alternate version of Squirrel Girl, not good enough to fight, but can still use her cheeks to store my nuts for the winter."

Pinkie Pie:" *RIMSHOT*

Rarity:" Your puns are starting to become white noise to me dear, but starred as the extravagant "Radiance" in that fairy tale."

Deadpool:" Radiance? Ok, there are too many super heroes using radiations as a super power, could you be more specific pl—p—ple-plea—se! "

*harder than it sounds huh*

(Good thing we never say that for sex)

*Or consent *

(Exac…..WHAT!)

Rarity:" Well…..hmm.. if only Spikey Wikey were here he could explain it with greater detail , basically my powers were in my gems. I could create anything using my imagination. "

Deadpol:" WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA ..WHOA….WHOA…Spikiy Wikey..*snicker* he's gonna get an ear full of this if I see hime again, but yeah Green Lanterns groupies …NEXT!"

Fluttershy stood near the bar ordering vegetable juice. She really did want to join in the fun, but she was a little too embarrassed of what Deadpool might think of her in terms of what character the comic book world assigned to her, but this was her chance let Deadpool know that he's safe in this world and that he didn't have to worry so much. After finishing her juice she walked over to the table, where apparently everyone tool a seat. She sat next to Pinkie Pie, which made her seem at a distance from Deadpool.

Fluttershy: " Well, I must say that ut wasn't my first choice of super powers, or my second choice ….or third….i didn't really want them."

Deadpool was flipping through comic book at "paper cut " speed (if only he had skin) to find the remaining character.

Deadpool:" Come on who were you, wait…were you the Squirrel Girl in this? Cause …in this context that would be FRIKIN ON THE BALL, or nut…what ever . So spill it ya borderline vegan. AND HEY, I want her to say this come from her mouth, the buildup alone will be worth it."

Fluttershy:" I was ummm, ya see…..it wasn't my decision, but I was saddle… rager…"

Deadpool:" Not this again, WHAT?"

Fluttershy:" .. saddle ..rager.

Deadpool:" Last chance before I ask one of the girls , and chances are that the one I pick won't be too flattering."

Rainbow dash folded her hooves and nodded

Fluttershy:" *sigh* I was Saddle Rager.

The black portion of Deadpools eyes were nearly gone, replaced with the white iris like lenses in his mask.

Deadpool:" *looks at comic* Nooooo *looks at Fluttershy* Noooo. *looks at poster that said "No Littering" * NOOOO FRIKIN WAY. YOU WERE THE HULK.

Fluttershy:" I wouldn't put it in the words, that makes me sound like a …"

Deadpool:" AWESOME, okay hooves down..

*we're getting used to the new vernacular here "

Deadpool:" ..Best hero. Be proud of that one. These gals couldn't take that kind of role, not even through a Facebook test.

Fluttershy: " A what?"

Deadpool:" umm, forget it. That's just some magic spell that makes kids lazy , paranoid, self conscious, and kicks their self esteem in the Bejewles . "

Deadpool actually enjoying himself, with other individuals, and ponies of all things. I think in his mind, they all have characteristics everyone used to have when people were young and naïve. The things he put them through only scratched the surface with what he's capable of. He held back , in more ways than one, so he didn't give away too much about himself. Usually that would get Deadpool thrown off of a plain, shot, stabbed , impailed , shot again this time by himself. This happened to him everywhere he went. For the love of Celestia ( now they got me doing it) He was exiled from Burger King, McDonalds, and Pizza Hut when he shot the King and Ronald McDonald outside of a Pizza Hut. This may be the start of something new for Deadpool's adventures in Equestria.

Deadpool:" I'm gonna go grab a drink *heads towards the bar* YO, I'll have a scotch on the rocks and make the rocks pills…uppers this time."

Barpony:" I'm sorry sir , but what?"

Deadpool:" This is gonna sound harsh , but you Mr Bartender , are a buzz kill. While you shame yourself over the irony of your profession can you get me a beer."

Barpony:" Sir your're confusing me a bit. What are you asking for."

Deadpool:" Jeezum crow, A-L-C-O-H-O-L , ethanol, ethyl alcohol, CH3-CH2-OH."

Barpony:" I'm sorry sir, I've been tending bars for years and I never heard of something like that before."

Or Not. While Deadpool was finding the quickest way to turn this guy over to Mel Brook's Mongo, his common sense was tingling.

Twilight:" you know, I think we finally got through to him.

Apple:" Toughest nut I've had to crack"

Rarity:" *used magic to get a fan and wave herself* that was over time darling"

*heh, they really tried hard to connect with us, PFFT HAH*

Twilight:" let's just hope Princess Celestia likes him."

Fluttershy:" Oh I'm sure she will. Honestly I think he's wonderful , a bit eccentric, but I think that's how he copes from his past. I think he just hides behind the tears of a clown so no one will get close to him.

*Tears of a clown , wasn't that form an Eminem Album*

(When did the butterfly hippie become Ellen DeGeneres?)

Deadpool just sat at the bar giving the death glare to the already pissed scared bartender, just so he could keep listening.

*Anything to comment on….Hello*

( Guess he really needs a drink)

*yeah I guess but, what why is it so wet in the mask, the AC is crank, I'm surpised the girls walk around bare flanked*

( Yeah…ok someone peed in our mask or ….no firkin why)

*Oh no, give ya three guesses what are Merc is doing and the first two don't count.*

Rainbow Dash:" But what about the hole portal thing and him all geared up like a ninja?"

Pinkie Pie:" He couldn't be a ninja, the red makes him stick out too much. Come back to my closet and I'll show you the art of invisibility "

*Phrasing*

Twlight:" You do have a point Rainbow Dash. Discord was the same way and he tricked everyone. He even tricked Princess Celestia."

Rarity:" Hmf, It's a façade if you ask me, do you think the Princess will turn Deadpool into stone like she did discord?"

Apple Jack :" Oh come on now…well maybe not for eternity , but just until we knew Equestria is safe."

*DUDE, Discord , that was the god Eris told us about. THE Princess turned a god into stone for eternity!*

(And we plan on giving our half $$ story to her?)

*And those guys don't sound like they might be in our cheering corner…..heh….how did it get so warm in here…actually feels nice, like a mineral sauna*

( I think he just figured something out and Beast Mode has been turned on)

*we still need to get that T-Shirt*

Deadpool:" Hey could you guys excuse me for a sec, I've got some pressing issues to deal with."

Twilight:" Hey, I thought you said you were going to Canterlot without a fuss."

Deadpool" Dude, I just need to know where the bathroom is. Like I said , I have "pressing issues" *Dash to bathroom * *Lock*.

Twilight:" Oh…..

_30 minutes later _

Twilight:" Hey Dash, could you go check on Wade?"

Rainbow Dash: " Hopefully he didn't fall in, HAH"

Apple Jack: " Cause you sure as white on a sugar cube can't swim"

Rainbow Dash: *Grumble* * heads towards the wash room* *KNOCK KNOCK* HEY WADE, YOU OK IN THERE? *silence* DON'T MAKE ME COME IN! Hey I got nothing "

Twilight: " *Sigh* Fluttershy , check the window and see how far we're away from Canterlot. "

Fluttershy:" ummm, oh my . you may want to take a look at this"

Pinkie Pie:*dashes to the window* Hmm, HEY TWILIGHT!"

Twilight :" WHAT IS IT PINKIE?"

Pinkie pie: " What kind of pressing issues are in the Everfree Forest?"

Twilight:" You mean besides utter magical creature and plant life….I don't know why"

Pinkie Pie:" Oh good, Mr. Wade will find out for us."

Twilight:" Good , I can add that to my next letter to …WHAT?!"

_Everfree Forest_

Watching Deadpool move through the huge thicket of terror that is the Everfree forest is nothing short of amazing. Improvisation no matter what the context was Deadpool's forte. In this case he was using parkour techniques to hop from branch to branch of every creepy redwood he happened across, dropping while grabbing branches to vault over long distances to avoid making tracks, using flips to gain momentum over logs through treacherous waters , and hip flexor jumps to bounce from boulder to higher boulder like Q-bert( Google it!). He left no trace after covering himself in nice thick coat of generic mud. No traces to be followed.. well…with one exception.

*Double crossing glorified piñatas*

( That was some Sesame Street, Camel Joe manipulation right there)

Deadpool:" Tell me about it, they were about to feed me to the all-knowing Princess Cockatric that'll use Petrify and without any Gold Needles in sight.

Jump

Jump

Hoovespring

back to branch balancing

*A what using what and know what the*

(Which one shoule he answer first )

Deadpool:" Come on guys, Final Fantasy , Chicken like creature, turns you into stone, Gold Needle in Item Select.

*Only useful if we end up in the Final Fantasy universe*

( Nice, we can sword block Sephiroth and stab the flower girl)

SMACK

*did that come from ..*

(NOPE)

POW

-350 HP

Deadpool gets hit with something he couldn't see. Must be something on the ground since he was in the trees most of the time.

*The heck*

(since when do branches go POW)

Deadpool:" They don't , but they do"

In front of Deadpool, were the creatures that managed to hit Deadpool midair. Everfree Forest own Timber wolves, 5 of them to be exact. An earth comparison would be to a grey wolf, except 7 times taller comprised of twigs and logs for limbs and the head, sharpened ones for claws and leaves to make them look bad- $$, the green were a nice touch as well. With Deadpool on the ground, the circled around him, snarling , slowly pacing, waiting for the right time to pounce on our Merc.

*have we figured out how to use any of our weapon yet?*

( Everything requires fingers, especially the katanas)

*Great , killed by Smokey the Bear's guard dogs, highly flammable, *smack* oh wait, we would need to set the timers on the C4*

( We could just throw it at them and shoot *smack * no trigger finger)

*we're not getting out of this in one piece are we*

( Not even close to One Pi….ece)

All Three *GRIN*

*And people think watching anime is for adults*

( Come dude say, it)

*Say it*

Deadpool's talking light bulbs finally went off. Adult Swim final became useful besides looking for Boobies. The Timberwolves kept getting closer. The perimeter they made was slowly closing around them. Deadpool stands to defend himself , but snaps a twig, causing a chian reaction of all five Timber wolves to pounce. Our Merc just smiles, looks behind him, and grabs one of his katanas with his mouth and utters ..

Deadpool:" Kiki Kyutoryu…..

And just as the Timber wolves are about to tare him a new ….everything.

Deadpool:" ASURA!

If you were a spectator watching this from a broken log on the ground , you could of sworn you just saw 9 swords, surrounding Deadpool when he jumps up, and cuts the heads and paws of every Timber Wolf. Each dropped to the ground, with Deadpool landing right on top of his prey.

*DUDE , THAT WAS AWESOME*

( And correct use of the terminology)

*Yeah, if you used the Santoyru technique , that would mean you used 3 swords, but you made it look like 9, with only ONE*

Celebration time would have to wait, little did Deadpool know that the Everfree Forest was filled to the brim with powerful magic. The "corpses" that were under Deadpool started to shake , and then levitate. Like many small Lego sets your idiot Older Brother use to kick down, they reassembled and turned into a bigger , more harder to break version of it's self. The Timber Wolf this time was about the size of …..any monster from Final Fantasy that would kill the party in one hit (That's why they call it fiction folks, look it up and use your imagination for a reference FF monster)

*Hmm it regenerates *

(so do we)

Deadpool Stands

Deadpool: I think it's time I indulged myself in my one of my favorite aspects of Chaos…

ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR

Deadpool:" Carnage!


	3. Chapter7:Cockatrice,and no golden needle

Bettie Mengele: Home For Disadvantage Children

A manor once owned by the wealthy, was now an institute for the poor. Children to be specific. The three stories building housed orphans, runaways, but the real profit came from keeping juvenile delinquents. Just imagine shoving prepubescent sociopaths in a dark hallway where a line of bunk beds could be seen on both sides. The first one to sleep was the first to be tortured.

Brad: " Hey wade."

Wade:" huh?"

Brad sat at the edge of Wade's bed, disrupting him from his book.

Brad: " Look, I'm sorry. I've been really mean to you."

Wade just gave a slight nod. In the past, any conversation with Brad meant that he was going to get hurt, so he learned to respond to him in with the least amount of effort, just so it couldn't be open to interpretation as an act of defiance.

Brad:" I was beaten up a lot in foster care, and I was taking it out on you"

Again, wade gave a slight nod , still hiding his face behind his book.

Brad: " I want to make it up to you"

Brad extends his hand out to Wade, while a thousand thoughts passed through his head about what was going to happen to him. However , he was sick of being scared and decided to take a leap of faith.

Brad: " Friends?"

Wade: "F-friends."

Brad: " Great*shakes*, let's celebrate. "

Wade: " umm, ok. What do friends usually do?"

Brad: " Follow me"

They put on their shoes and headed towards a corner store that sold liquor. At this time at night the store was closed, but that didn't stop Brad from dragging Wade to the back entrance.

Brad: " Ok, I need you to pick the lock on the door."

Wade: " Wh-what? I don't know how to do that"

Brad: " Hey, don't start lying to your friend Wade, I remember that crazy "mother" of yours taught you how."

Wade: " But that was just for fun, I don't want to get caught"

Brad: " Come on, it's only a little booze. Besides the place is empty and the alarm is broken. I thought we we're friends now."

Not wanting to disappoint his new "friend" , Wade grabbed some paper clips he used as book marks and bent them to pick the lock. Next thing you know , Brad was like a kid in a candy store. He grabbed every bottle of alcohol that looked like it was designed for kids. Whip cream , gummi fish, etc. Wade was actually having a good time. It was like a bonding experience. Then Brad decided to make a withdrawl form the cash rgister. He hopped over the counter and pushed the "no sale" button, that's when the alarm tripped. This register needed a passcode that only employees had. A red light illuminated the store, and woke up the owner who slept in the back.

Brad: " DAMMIT !"

Shop Owner:" Who in da hell dumb enough to get in here"

Next thing you know, a twelve gauge shotgun with buckshot was pointed right at Brad. Luckily for him, Wade was right next to him. Wade made a good shield.

*BANG*

Wade:" GAHHH!"

_Everfree Forest_

Deadpool:" AAAHHHHH"

*Dude , about time*

Deadpool:" what….happened"

(After you went Anime Style Zoro on the Timber Wolf, it tried to regenerate again, but gave up halfway. So you basically had a stack of wood drop on your head and knocked you out)

Deadpool :" So how long was I out"

*A few minutes*

Deadpool looked around and saw that the Timber Wolfs remains covered him like a blanket.

Deadpool:" Heh..Morning wood."

*So , what's next bossman?*

( Hope that magical marionette of a wolf doesn't turn into a real boy?)

Deadpool:" We head back to that train station. I gurenttee that they'll be coming for us, but they might think we'd head someplace familiar, but I say we do a little improv."

* FINALLY!*

( I thought you we're going native there for a second)

Deadpool: " you mean civilian?"

(I've heard it both ways)

All three Chuckle

Deadpool:" Let's just get to the task at hand and start raising some hell"

*It was kind of nice though*

(What?)

*When was the last time we actually had fun with people that didn't involve us being on the job?*

(It's not like we can casually work in coffee talk with someone we usually end up killing)

Deadpool: " Hmm, you have a point….

Here comes the sarcasm folks

Deadpool: " We could've had a tea party, braided each others hair while talking about stallions, maybe throw in a pint of ice cream and spoon by the fire like some teen drama where we all end up best buddies…, but then we can discuss all the stuff we could've done while they turned us to stone. I mean don't get me wrong I love you guys

*Dude , L-word*

( Have that on DVR as we speak)

Deadpool: " But I'm not spending an eternity talking with you guys knowing we got conned by a bunch of tramp stamp wearing ponies working us over"

*That sounds like something we would do*

Deadpool: " Exactly, so let's take off the kid gloves and go nuts."

( Still, they were pretty nice to us )

Deadpool: " And how would that play out once that Princess….umm Molestia or whatever her name is…fingered me as a mercenary working for the Goddess of Discord? It's not like they liked us in the first place…and even if they did they'd sell us out as soon as we acted suspicious with, that's what people do. Take anything or anyone that's different and cast them out, no trial , no jury , just take care of the problem so they can get back to being "safe" even if it wasn't a threat to begin with "

*Jeez, this hits home for you doesn't it*

Deadpool: " Let's just say there's a reason why I have you two. Eris was right. When things get too safe and predictable, something will eventually set them off no matter how small of an inconvenience, so it might as well be us. "

( Usually I love a good rant, but something coming)

In the distance, Deadpool heard a familiar sound. It reminded him of every Zelda game where you could beat the chickens sensless and they'd call a heard to kick your butt.

Deadpool: " Chickens , really. At least it's something we're used too"

*ummm, maybe if we were playing Final Fantasy and not Zelda*

The rare , and all powerful monster that haunted any gamer who spent hours lvling up , and ran into this beast without saving. The Cockatrice! A whole flock of them ran towards Deadpool , Knowing down every tree in their path.

Deadpool:" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? "

Then an idea popped into his head.

Deadpool:" Those B (CHES!

*Right, we still can't swear*

( Yet….)

The Cockatrice made their way way past the trees, boulders, debris and locked their eyes on Deadpool. A couple took to the air and dove right at him.

*Ok, while he's busy with the cock…atrice*

(Loophole)

*you said hole *giggle**

(Anyway, we thougt we could tell you what is happeing)

*A behind the scenes Deadpool Fight commentary*

( And…..THEY'RE OFF)

*Two cockatrice coming in from above, Deadpool grabs his katana with his teeth and leaps in the air*

( Such finesse , like a male ballierina leaping while trying to hide his junk)

*Agreed, the cockatrice dive bomb towards Deadpool, looking Right AT HIM!*

(But Deadpool is NOT EFFECTED, )

*HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?*

(WE are just THAT AWESOME)

*With the cockatrice dumfounded, Deadpool turns his head , then jerks it around, SLICING OFF ONE OF THE COCKATRICE WINGS!*

(The other looks back and is STUNNED, OH THE IRONY!)

*While being dirtracted by the one winged cockatrice *snicker* plummenting to the forrest, Deadpool STIKES FROM ABOVE, bashing the cockatrice in the skull*

( The cockatrice is knocked out, and whats this , DEADPOOL IS RIDING THE COCKTRICE, well, FALLING!)

*Riding his back towards the …..What forrst is this, Oh right. Only the writer knows.*

( *cough* and so. While riding the cockatrice back down, the remaining cockatrice gather in anticipation)

*But Deadpool takes the wings and starts gliding back down*

( He circles above the other cockatrice , keeping their attention completely on him)

*SO MUCH ATTENTION, he;s gotta be loving that*

( I'm sure of it. Deadpool is descending slowly , and …..HE'S GLIDING RIGHT AT THE GROUP OF COCKATRICE)

*I love that word COCKATRICE!*

(Deadpool is now gliding towards the unsuspecting cockatrice, WHILE ON THE BACK OF ANOTHER)

*AAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDD*

BOOM!

*THERE IT IS FOLKS , LIKE BOWLING PINS , THE COCKATRICE GROUP HAVE BEEN KNOWCKED DOWN*

(Deadpool jumped off at the last minute sending the unconcouis glorified chicken on a collision course of …..GLORY)

*DING DING DING, AND THE WINNER IS …*

( AND ALWAYS WILL BE )

BOTH: DEADPOOL!

Deadpool: "Thank you, *bow* *bow* thank you , no applause just throw cash, or whatever currency they use here."

Writer: That would be Bits, and you're in the Everfree Forrest guys.

*When were you planning on telling us this*

Writer : NEVER!

Deadpool: "IMPOV BABY!"

*Not that I mind, but how come we didn't get turned to stone*

(Yeah, unless we had Golden pricks)

*Wait What? You mean needles *

(Loophole)

*HAAA, but yeah , why aren't we stone now , being put on display going wee wee in a fountain?*

Deadpool:" Reflective Lenses in the mask."

*Ohhh*

(Why did you put those in there?)

Deadpool: "So people can see the look on their faces when I do something that makes them wish they never met me."

*True dat yo*

Deadpool: " So, I guess our gal pals decided to forgo the evaluation and just send a hit squad after us."

*Was that what they meant by turning us into stone*

(A firing squad of ccockatrice, clever girls)

Deadpool:" Guess that means they think we're a security risk."

*DUH!*

( So we might as well act like it)

Deadpool: " Act?"

*Good Point*

(Where to know?)

_Ponyville Train station_

Deadpool:" Hey Ticket dude, what's the biggest city in umm…WIRTER ..LINE PLEASE"

Writer:" Equestria"

Ticket Vender:" What was that"

Deadpool:" Ignore that, anyway..Biggest city in Equestria?"

Ticket Vender:" That would be Manehattan sir."

*What*

(Oh no)

Deadpool:" Wait, MANE-hattan, that's a real city?"

Ticket Vendor:" *looking confused* Why yes sir it is, did you want to book a ticket? The next train leaves in an hour."

Deadpool: " Oh yes I would, also can I get a map for *giggle* Manehattan, and for Equestria."

Ticket: " No problem, That'll be 75 bits sir"

Deadpool:" Cool, *gives money*

*How did we get money?*

(The money we earned after the battle)

*I thought that was supposed to be gil in Final Fantasy*

(I guess the rule applies anywhere)

*Makes perfect sense*

While waiting for the next train, Deadpool decides to lay down on one of the benches and read his recently purchased map of Equestria.

*Why did you get that map anyway, it's not like we need to hit everycity?*

Deadpool:" I just had to check ….HAAAA!...The Fillypines…*CHUCKLE* DETROT CITY, HAAAAHH!"

*I'm noticing a pattern *

( Oh this is just to good)

The entire hour was of Deadpool cracking jokes of the towns he once knew, were now converted to horse and pony puns. Everypony at the station just moved away and let him have his fun.

Deadpool:" HAH! Whinnypeg, home of the legal weed and healthcare…. Neigh Orleans, I just hope they don't property below sea level *rimshot*…. PRANCESYLVANIA..I bet the Dracula there must be sparkle from a Be-Dazzled cape."

*Ladies will be disappointed, he doesn't want them*

(He wants their brother *wink* *wink*)

_Back on the train to Canterlot_

Twilight Sparkle: " I should've seen this coming, the pony had no regard for common courtesy or rules"

Pinkie Pie:" I don't know, I thought he was funny"

Rarity:" Pinkie dear, you do realize that he broke the pinkie promise."

Pinkie Pie:" Nope, he found a loophole"

Applejack:" *sigh* guess it's my fault fur startin them in the first place."

Rainbow Dash:" Hey, can we focus here. How did do this"

Pinkie Pie:" Found it, he made a hole through the window in the bathroom, guess he did find a loophole"

Twilight Sparkle:" *grrr* OK, Rarity, you and Apple Jack get on the next train to Ponyville. He's going to go somewhere he's knows and Ponyville is the place it could be. Rainbow Dash and Flutter Shy, check the Everfree Forest and see if he's still there. Or at least see what kind of damage he's done already.

Flutter Shy:" Can we not assume that he's doing something bad, I mean….

Rainbow Dash:" Nope, that's it. You've cut this guy too much slack and know we have to go fishing."

Pinkie Pie:" For Rainbow trout…sry , couldn't help it"

Flutter Shy:" but I .."

Rainbow Dash:" Forget it, he had his chance and he blew it:

Twilight Sparkle:" Pinkie Pie, go with them so Rainbow Dash doesn't do something to Flutter Shy."

Pinkie Pie: " Can do "

Twilight Sparkle:" I'll give a full report to the Princess. We still need to bring him in for an evaluation , but now I would consider him a risk. Good luck girls."

_Everfree Forest_

Rainbow Dash, Flutter Shy, and Pinkie Pie made their way through the Everfree Forrest once they told the Conductor what happened. He stopped the train and made sure they got off alright.

Rainbow Dash:" I don't know why you keep standing up for this guy, he's been nothing but a pain in my wing the whole time."

Flutter Shy:" Well.. I just feel that even though he's a bit eccentric, we shouldn't be quick to judge."

Pinkie Pie:" Yeah , he could be a secret agent , oooh , or a spy ….OOOH, or a secret agent spy."

Rainbow Dash:" Or .. a killer."

Flutter Shy:" OH NO!"

The girls finally made their way to the Timber wolfs. All of them had split and tried to get back to their original and individual shape, but progress had been slow because of their injuries. Flutter Shy flew to the nearest one and asked him what happened.

Timber Wolf: *roar*

Flutter Shy:" Oh my..how could he?"

Rainbow Dash:" Care to fill us in?"

Fluttershy:" He said they were attacked by a stallion in red and black with swords on his back, and he kept talking to himself. "

Timber wolf : *roar, roar-roar*

Flutter Shy:" What , you attacked him? But why?"

Rainbow Dash:" He probably started it, the guy talks to himself and has …

Flutter Shy:" SHH, he said they didn't know why they attacked him. That it felt like someone was in their heads telling them to attack."

Rainbow Dash:" Great , so he's a nutcase and can get mainipulate minds. It's always the crazy ones."

Pinkie Pie:" Then why didn't do that with us, I know if I had psychic power I'd use them right away. First I'd find out the secret ingridiants uses, then I'd get Gummy's and see if wants a new set of teeth…"

Rainbow Dash:" We get it Pinkie. Fine, so he maybe, possibly used self defense in this case. How did he mangae to take out a pack of Timber wolves all by himself."

Flutter Shy: " What, he defeated a flock of cockatrice too?"

Timber Wolf:" *roar*"

Flutter Shy:" Oh, and apparently he called himself something, was it Wade?"

Timber Wolf:" *roar-roar*

Flutter Shy:" He called himself….Deadpool."

Rainbow Dash:" Probably a codename. You might be right about the whole secret agent spy thing Pinkie."

Pinkie Pie:" Told ta so."

Fluttershy:" I can't just leave them all here. Go on without me and I'll see if I can find out something else. "

Rainbow Dash:" Good thinking , come on Pinkie ."

Pinkie Pie:" Oky doky loki."

From a distance , an ominous figure was looking down on the current events of the forest.

Eris:" Go ahead ladies, chase Deadpool. Get ready to face one of the strongest fighters you will ever see. He doesn't really like it when someone send assassins to take him out though. So don't be surprised if he gets a little crazy..HHAHAHAHAH. I'm do apologize Deadpool ..well not really …but I can't have you going native on me. Friendship turns the strongest fighter into self sacrificing idiots. "


	4. Chapter 8: Flim Flam Man In Manehattan

Again, I don't own Marvel, Hasbro , What Are Records? Label, or any references to movies shows etc that I mention. This is just my fun little hobby.

**Hospital, Unknown location **

After the blow from the shotgun aimed right at Wade, his world took a turn in his perception. Is this how friends are? Does having friends make you vulnerable mentally and physically? When am I supposed to feel happy? Is this the only amount of happiness that comes from being friends with me?

These questions and more raced through Wade's head as he tries to make sense of what happened back at the liquor store. Obviously Brad pulled him in front of the blast to protect himself, but that wasn't Wade's concern. As he laid in a semi conscious state , he could only re-evaluate his stance on having friends. Being tortured regardless of friendship status, then being shot after obtaining one friend. The latter had an enormous effect on Wade. More so then the prognosis the Doctor was reading next to his hospital bed, but he was telling this to a women. Someone he'd never met, but who knew. He was still groggy from the anesthesia. Still, he did his best to listen.

Doctor: " To be frank , he's lucky to still have a face. The buck shots main points of entry were to his cranium which explains the multiple cerebral lacerations to the pia-arachnoid membranes, however they are no cause for concern *flips page* the locaizations seems to be around the thorax…*flips ,flips* ah, he did suffer hemothorax from the shot penetrating the pericardium leasing to cardiac tamponade. Luckily we managed to suck out the fluid buildup and healed the bruised ribs. The physical damage I can say has a good prognosis, psychologically…well that's pony of a differnet color."

?:" Thank you Doctor, is he conscious yet?"

Doctor:" I get wake him up for just a bit"

The Doctor stopped his moriphine drip, and gave hit a slight stimulant to reveive wade, if he wasn't already conscious. He just like the attention.

?:" Give a moment would you doctor."

Doctor: " Of course."

And so as the Doctor left , the lady in question approached little Wade's bed and had a seat in chair place for guests.

?:" Hellp Wade"

Wade:" Hmm ukkk"

?:" Don't bother speaking, in fact, let me speak for the both of us"

Wade:" *nod*"

?:" My name is Althea, but most people cal me blind Al"

"Al" wore the attire of a G-man , Black pants suit with a light blue undershirt. Her Jet black hair had matched, even with her sunglasses. However Wade smiled a bit when he looked at the black pompadourish style the Blind Al bore on her dome.

Blind Al:" To be honest, I've been watching you ever since you escaped from the clutches of your so called "mother." Don't be frightened I'm not with her, but I know her methods when it comes to training soldiers. This is where I come in. I run a special program for people like yourself. Trained in numerous fields , but don't have the stones to put it in good use. I'd like you to join us Wade. Good food, a warm bed, you won't have to piss yourself every time you come home. Would you like to join us?"

Wade:" *nod* Ukkkk"

Blind Al: " Very well, but like most secret ops groups, you need to prove your loyalty to the orginasation and what we stand for. Liberty , Justice, the American way of living . "

Al reached into her duffle bag that she brought into the room and opened it up to reveal it's contents. She showed it to Wade…and he didn't even flinch

Blind Al:" This is an M-16 semi automatic gas powered assualt rifle. This is the test. Take this with you to the orphanage , and dispense some justice."

_Canterlot_

Twilight Sparkle made a sprinters dash from the train that stopped, to meet Princess Celestia in her castle.

Apple Jack: " Twilight, ya'll be *ZOOOM* careful. *sigh* Guess we better mosy on back to Ponyville. So you honestly think that Wade would head back?"

Rarity:" It seems logical, if I were in his shoes…ur..boots, oh forget it, I wouldn't be causght dead in that outfit. '

Apple Jack:" Umm beg pardon"

Rarity:" Sorry darling , I was trying to say that going somewhere else wouldn't be the wisest decision. Then again I'm not sure if he's entirely "there."

Apple Jack:" Darn tootin , guys a few apples short of a full bushel, but he wasn't that bad to me. He was like Pinkie Pie mixed with Cheese Sandwich. "

Rarity:" Like one of Pinkies creations, that….Chimi Cherry"

Apple Jack : " Or cherry changa."

Rarity:" I try not to think about it deary, let'sjust return home. I need a day at the spa. Hopefully Lotus Blossom and Aloe can fix little Wade."

Apple Jack:" Ya'll named somethin after him, I can only guess which part"

Rarity:" If you're referring to how I feel about the creaton you are sorely mistaken, he would never hold a place in my heart, mind or soul."

Apple Jack:" I was just wonderin if ya named yur headache after him, I call mine Pinkies , but very interesting insight to ya'lls feeling sugar cube."

Rarity:" I…Well I never…. Lets just get on the train before you start calling your bruises a RARITY!"

_Canterlot Palace_

Twilight managed to make it to the throne room in record time. After her coronation , the castle guards just bowed and let her pass by. The final staircase led her to Princess Celestia's throne room. Hestitant at first since she bore bad news, she inevitabley knocked.

"Come in Twlight"

She opened the gates and walked along the embroidered rug , while marveling at the stained glass that depicted herself, the mane 6, and their numerous accomplshments in the name of Equestria. She had finally reached the throne where Princess Celestia stood. She bowed her head in respect and was ready to deliver the news.

Twlight Sparkle:" Princess Celestia, I regret to inform you that the pony we were supoosed to deliver to you..has escaped. I take full responsibility for my lack of judgment."

Celestia:" Twilight, know this and remember. No matter how sure we are, no matter how much control we think we may have, there will always be that one random act that throws everything out of balance. Don't blame yourself. I had a feeling that this one would've escaped regardless of the restraints you could have used"

Twilight Sparkle:" If you don't mind me asking, why would you think that your majesty?"

Celestia:" Whoever this pony is, someone used a great amount of magic to get him to Equestria. If he were confined to the castle, I would imagine the same forces would act again to help him escape. "

Twilight Sparkle: " I see , who could be behind this."

Celestia:" It's hard to say, this person appeared from a world similar to the world you went to when trying to find your crown when Sunset Shimmer stole it. The kind of magic that could send someone through worlds is shrouded in darkness so I can't be sure who the conjurer is , but luckily we have somone who might."

Twilight pondered to who that might be, Princess Luna wouldn't have created the portal, Starswirl the bearded ….couldn;t be, Trixie….."I'll chuckle at that later." Then it hit her.

Twilight:" Oh no, you don't mean …

Discord:" (Squiggy's voice from Lavern and Shirley) Hello"

Twilight:" Grrr, Discord"

Discord:" Oh Twilight it's been ages *HUG* to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Teleports on the Throne. 

Discord:" Hope you don't mind I make myself comfortable Princess."

Celestia:" Actually…I'm going to let you two talk . *back away towards the gate* Twilight, inform Discord about our situation and see if he has any knowledge of interdimensional transportation *looks outside* Oh would you look at the sun, I have some urgent business *ZOOOM*

Twilight Sparkle:" BUT YOU CONTROL THE SUN….Grr"

Teleports behind twilight with the Law and Order DUN DUN sound.

Discord:" I'd imagine that she's summoned me here because you are in some sort of magical cunnundrum , tsk tsk poor Twilight. This must be a doosy. *snaps fingers*

Twilight suddenly appears to be in front of a podium with a game show background.

Discord:" *in a black Kenneth Cole brand suit* Surveyed 100 magic users top 3 answeres on the board : name entities capable of opening interstellar transport portals."

Twilght:" *sigh * Wait , how did you know I was going to ask that?" 

Fake Audience :" Good answer."

Discord:" SHOW ME "Wait , how did you know I was going to ask that?"

X*Beep*

Discord : " Ouch, Twilight. Tell you what, that's a freebie( There's my only freebie for the century), you get three more tries. "

Twilight:" Why are we doing this WAIT, THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER. Just let me ask why we're doing this?"

Discord: * sigh* Fine Buzz Mckillington. As far as I know , there are 3 categaries of magical beings capable of such tasks, I'm simply trying to ease you mind and have a little fun. Shall we press on."

Twilight:" Fine…..Alicorns "

Discord:" Show me ALICORNS"

Then a picture of princess Luna appears in a sudective pose on Discords screen when the answer flipped.

XXX *BEEP*

Discord:" Oh my , don't know where that came from , but that was the 3 most selesctied answer so you're well on your way, don't mind the beep and triple X, that's supposed to be a pun.

Twilight:" Ok….(*inside twilights head* hmm it can't be a magical creature, this took some forethought…..hmm, The princess would be able to detect the source if it was in Equestria, so it's not here…) It wouldn't happen to be YOU would it?

Discord:" SHOW ME DISCORD"

Another picture , except it was Discord ..and ….you don't want to know.

XXX*BEEP*

Discord:" tsk tsk , I'm reformed remember. Besides , why would I want to bring anyone here when I have such good friends to horse around with *rimshot*. But hey, I just gave you a hint.

Twilight Sparkle:" so.. you're saying you can, but you didn't…so … A HAH, it's aother Diety"

*DING DING DING*

Discord:" We have a WINNAH!"

Just then , a carrier pigeon landed on Twilights shoulder. Chances are that it was from Fluttershy. She opened it with magic from her horn and started to read. Then Discord teleported behind her.

Discorded:" Is that from my good friend Flutter shy? Tell her I'll be a little late to our backgammon game."

Twilight:" Actually it does mention you , she's asking if you've ever come across someone in your travels. This is the person we're trying to find. He said his name was Wade, but from what Fluttershy was able to find out…..she says his "codename" *written in crayon*( thank pinkie) anyway , his codename is Deadpool. "

Discord:" WHAT…?!

_Manehattan_

Manehattan , a metropolis of ponies on the go. Home to some of the finest fashion stores, eateries, and high class functions. Building as tall as mountains, attractions that would takes weeks to see, and here, are merc with the mouth stopped by what he thought was a hot dog stand, boy was he wrong.

Deadpool:" Seriously , a falafel on pita bread?

Vendor Pony:" Yes sir, made from chick peas in the Whoofsconsin farms."

*Too easy*

(Too late, I'm starting to notice a pattern with the food on this planet)

Deadpool takes a seat on one of the Umbrella tables , sitting and looking at his falafel in pita bread as if it just Finger #) * his dog. Although he is right, one factor that he has noticed at every meal, breakfast , lunch , dinner, after joint smoke munches, one pattern stood out.

Deadpoool:" NO MEAT!"

*I know, I mean come on, they have cows staring everypony in the face*

(That's just creepy)

Deadpool:" I know righ *munch* all they do is give milk ..and stare..waiting…plotting "

*There's something in the milk isn't there?"

(Probably soy considering how vegan-esque everypony's diet)

Deadpool:" It's bad enough I stick out like a sore ….DAMMIT

*We know body, we miss righty and left too*

(Especially lefty, then again when it comes to "that" activity we can improvise)

Deadpool: " I've eaten so much soy I'm surprised I haven't grown lady parts on my forehead"

*A boob for a horn ?*

( with the power ti hypnotize males)

Deadpool stands up without finishing his meal, and decides to dance through the street as if the roads we're paved with soap baxes for the incoming song, get ready folks. 

-Philly living, so healthy and clean,

So much brown rice, so many mung beans.

-And no meat , not one bite of meat , juicy meat, succulent meat-

Instead I get, GLLLUUUTEEEEN and sea weed stew

Rice milk and lentils and fuckin tofu.

I've expect every creature burned into chow.

I'd blow a goat for some bacon right now

Yeah I'd blow a goat for some bacon, right now

You eat your southern fried tempeh

And I'll just have fruit.

How's that blood orange salad?

No really, it's cool

I'll just chew on this turnip root

With a couple chick peas

Kill me please

I'm tired of HUUUMMMUUUSS and bulgur wheat

Tofurkey tof* K yourself I want some meat

I expect every creature can be roasted with ease

Well I'd eat the crap out some Whopper with cheese

Prime rib, and filet mignon

Baby back ribs that fall off the bone

For one bite of brisket brought from down south

I'd let Spiderman shoot webbing in my mouth

Alfalfa sprouts and a red bean

A handful of trail mix, Mmm what a treat

How about some soy yogurt served in a bowl?

I'd rather eat a hobo's $$ hole

*That was beautiful dude*

( Now I have the sudden urge to punch a brisket Rocky style(

Deadpool:" Hmm, my mind brain just came up with an idea"

*Mind Brain? What in the name of ground beef is that?*

(Can we stop talking about meat please?)

Deadpool:" Oh there will be meat in Manehattan.

Vendor Pony: " Umm sir, as much as I appreciate the singing and dancing , do you think you can stop now?"

*This is what got us caught in the first place*

( I think we've milked this soy tit long enough)

Deadpool:" not yet ^*clears throat* there's one we must pay homage to

Vendor pony:" O-ka-y?"

Deadpool:" Beef chalupas, with salsa verde,

stuck in this hell hole chewing on hay.

Just one Chimichanga served with chips,

I'd let William Stryker sew up my lips.

Vendor Pony:" *Clop clop clop* that was actually good sir, you should be in a movie"

Deadpool:" ARE YOU TALKING TRASH GARBAGE MAN? Marvel will get their act together, MARK MY WORDS BOY."

Deadpool just walks away , jilted by the fact his movie chances are going down the toilet faster than a virgins tissue when his dad asks if he's "okay in there."

*Still mad about the film?*

(Ya think, 20 bits says we won't even get cast)

Deadpool:" Well, if and when it does happen, screw Ryan Reynolds, cast me with Thomas Jane. He's got nut job written all over his face, plus he like to show his dong on camera.

While contemplating possible cast members for his movie that might not happen, Deadpool couldn't help but look around the city. It was just like the Manhattan he frequented on jobs…okay to bug Spiderman…but still. The last few days he's eaten nothing, but what we would consider the "paleo diet" minus the meat. Target practice on Spiderman wasn't the same without a visit to the shawarma stand. gyros, hotdogs, croquette, etc. He just wasn't feeling like himself. No matter where in the world his job took him to, street vendors and local stores selling meaty goodness was his comfort food. Then it hit him.

Deadpool:" *DING* guys, I'm gonna need to find an IV drip of glucose and amino acids electrolytes."

*How many ?*

( Really, "Why" wasn't the first question)

Deadpool:" All in good time boys. "

Princess Luna had just raised the moon. The rays were cascading over downtown Manehatttan to showcase all the activity that usually accompanies bug city living, but Deadpool decided to stay indoors…mainly at Manehattan General Hospital after faking an allergic reaction to the falafel he ate. Instead of faking to be an employee, he took it a step further. He snuck into one of the gurneys.

Deadpool:" Sorry buddy , I'm not playing the little spoon in this scenario like they did in Bad Boys 2"

*Again with the movies*

(Two sterotypuical African American actors playing themselves get a sequeal and we can even get a frikin script on paper"

Deadpool:" Spript? Pffft, "

The pony Deadpool had removed from the gurney was set to be taken to the ICU, but instead was sent down the laundry chute after being shot up with enough morphine to make him limp enough to fit in and tumble a but without waking up. Then Deadpool did the unthinkable, he removed his suit, mask , utility belt and katanas and placed them in a duffle bag. He didn't mind so much , because he could have fun with his chart.

Deadpool:" Let's see *grabs chart and erases all the other pony's information, then starts writing*

Name: Richard Hertz

Diagnosis: The lawnmower won.

Treatment: TLC( the remaining band members to make a wheat bread and mayonnaise sandwich)

Danger Level: Kenny Loggins

Medication: See attached list

Psychological profile: See attached list

Prognosis: Better than your chances of surviving cancer, bub.

PERFECT"

A doctor final came around and wheeled him to the ICU, with Deadpool laying under the covers wondering if the Doctor chuckled a bit at his chart. During this time of the night though, only interns and a few nurses were on staff. So when Deadpool heard the doctor talking to himself , he knew that they might be alone. Sure enough, they were in an elevator. When the doors closed, Deadpool reached out with his hoof, and hit the emergency stop button. The Doctor stumbled a bit and felt puzzled, until a hoof punch to the solar plexus brought him back to the present.

Doctor ?: *COUGH* what the .."

Deadpool:" SHH, we only have a minute before security get on the intercom so let'smake the intro short."

*Cough * Helicopter scene , *cough* less the 5 minutes airtime*

(HEY, that's all we needed. Sharpen blades and puns. Mr. perfectionist)

Doctor:" Wha- What's going on?"

Deadpool:" All I need you to do is get me to the morgue , and tell whoever's on the graveyard shift

*Morgue, Graveyard Shift , do you even need us anymore for snappy comebacks?*

Deadpool:" … just tell them you'll cover for them the rest of the night, they're already dead, they really don't need someone to watch over them."

*What about the angels watching over them?*

( Probably laughing , with the TV-Y setting they probably died from a cake overdose or getting mauled by a butterfly )

Deadpool:" What's your name Doc?"

Doctor ?: " Doctor Shep, Shep –Herder

Deadpool:" Ok Shepherd , I'll need at least all the IV's you can get , glucose, Amino Acid Complex, Iron shots, and electrolytes. Plus one tourniquet, then you get to hang with me for the next 10 hours in the morgue so get a blanket if you plan on sleeping, which I doubt it, amphetamines to stay up, highly recommend and maybe some pain killers."

Doctor Herder:" Are you in pain?"

Deadpool:" Oh I will be, but they won't be for me, those are for you. You'll want to be high with what you're going to see. Anyway, just do what I say and you'll go home pretending to be Patrick Dempsey all you want."

Docter Herd:" Look, I'm not judging you and Im not looking for trouble , but just by looking at you , I can tell you've been through a lot. This however will not help. If you'll let me.."

Deadpool:" The last time a Doctor touched me couldn't talk for a week because I cut out his tongue then killed himself a week later."

*This was before Doctor Stable folks"

Deadpool:" So just get me down there and we can chat all we want while you watch."

Security made sure the Doctor was okay, he pushed the emergency switch on again. They elevator headed down to the morgue where Doctor Shep-herder gave some of the best acting skills Deadpool ever seen.

*He should be in the movie*

(You mean play the sexy Doctor that all the ladies fall for, don't we have too many of those on television already)

*Doctor Doom, Dr. Octopus, Dr. Conners , trust me. In comics, Doctors have no sex appeal.*

After grabbing everything Deadpool asked for , he set him up on one of the tables that drained fluids with an IV stand next him.

Deadpool:" Doc, the hose for the draining tube, add a needle to it and stick it in my subclavian vein. Set the pressure just enough to pump it slowly in my body, this will take a while and I've got all night."

Deadpool then sticks the Mineral , Amino acid, and Glucose IV in his brachial veinand pulls his duffle bag on the table with him. Picking up the tourniquet gave the Doctor the shiver, because he knew what he was going to do next. The fluids that would be draining would be his own blood, and he wanted pumped back in.

Doctor :" What do you plan on doing ?"

Deadpool:" *tightening the tourniquet around his left quadricep. * Just leave the freezer door open , you know the one with the bodies right next to the frozen peas and carrots."

The doctor did what he was told and sat down. Being a doctor usiually means curiosity will keep you driven and motivated, he only wished he became a vet when Deadpool grabbed one of his katanas with his mouth and sliced his leg below the tourniquet. Deadpool didn't even flinch , he just watched the blood go down the drain, into the hose, and pump right back into him. Using his other leg, he kick the severed one in the freezer.

About a minute went by until the Doctor started screaming like a little girl. He watched a pony slice his own leg off, then watched it grow back. This went on for hours and hours until he cut off about 52 legs and set them in the freezer.

Deadpool:" *gasp* *huff * *puff* I just can't keep these legging from coming off, next time I'll where a garter belt…nothing….guess I haven't regenerated enough blood…..AHHH jeez that hurt. Doc?"

He removed all the tubes and decided to test out leg number 53. He trotted over to the Doctor to see if he was still sane.

Deadpool:" Doc *slap* Doc *slap*.

Doctor Shep-herder saw the whole thing. He was white as a ghost with the shocked expression to match. Deadpool still slapped him until he at least showed that he was still alive.

Deadpool:" WAKE UP *Slap* Grab a brush and put a little, makeup *Slap*Hide the scars to fade away the, shakeup *Slap*."

Doctor: I'm UP FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA!"

Deadpool:" Oh good, I don't know the rest of the lyrics anyway"

*I don't even think the System of a Down lead singer does either*

( He sings like an auctioneer getting a prostate exam by static shock)

Deadpool:" I know that you have some questions and just so happen to have answers so…*Points* HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER IT'S A DISTRACTION!"

Doctor:" *turns head * A what *BONK.*

Deadpool:" Sweet, on to plan B."

*Are you planning on ?*

Deadpool:"Yup, I need to make a call to the Flim Flam Brothers."

_Two days later_

Downtown Manehattan was booming with ponies of all sorts. A large contraption was parked in the center of where most of the food vendors get their business. This section was reserved for a specific reason though. It appears the Flim Flam Brothers have gotten out of the apple product trade and moved to something a bit more profitable. They fixed up their The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to make a new product using ingredients they had procured as well as a hefty donation from an unknown source. Flam and Flam just figured he was giving it to them because he needed someone to sell a new product. With his "product" and the brother's penchant for adding their own ingredients to it and calling it something completely different, it was a match made in Manehattan, but don't let me try an explain, let's hear it from "The Brother's Scam." I mean Flim and Flam.

Flim:" Well, lookie what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town

Ponies with skinny legs, non robust , and waists a too skinny, rotund, or round

Maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair"

Flam:" Well seeing is believing, a guarantee we're not belying, see for yourselves I swear. "

Both:" Because!"

Flam:" He's Flim"

Flam:" He's Flam"

Both:" We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers . Traveling salesponies"

Flim:" Our mode of transportation in now the sight of motivation , for it contains the recipe to your success."

Flam" We've searched high and low, and to and fro, for the finest ingredients, what's inside , take a guess."

Both: "Phytomedicine from over seas , herbal extracts sure to please, concentrated for YOUR potential.

Flim:" Some we can not mention for the key to our invention is a family confidential. "

Flam:" But you can rest assure, all the Doctors will concur , that our product not just good it's essential."

Flim:" You know what brother, I don't think everypony came here to listen to us prattle."

Flam:" Of course not. Prittle prattle and idle babble won't even scratch the surface to describe our new supplemental powder."

Flim: Right as always, Folks today we are at the culmination of potential to what medicine can do for you. In fact *Holds up plastic jug* What I have here is a collection of extracts from super herbs , vegetables, and plants that need a English teacher to pronounce. It's filled with more vitamins than 3 meals put together with only 25% the calories.

Flam:" That's not all, it has proteins from 5 different sources, containing all essesntial amino acids to turn any hard working pony into a mountain of muscle. Plus the minerals and nutrients alone makes it a meal replacement for ponies on the go or ones that just want to feel 110% every day.

Both:" Behold "Flam and Flams Genie in a Jar"

Flim:" Whether training for the Equestrian games, or losing a few extra pony pounds."

Flam:" Whatever your wish is for your health"

Both: "Genie in a Jar will grant it."

Flim: "But words are nothing more than a fancy way to make anything sound too good to be true."

Flam:" Tis true brother, but I think they need a demonstration."

From behind their stand and monolith contraption , two ponies emerge that looked to be complete polar opposites. One had "biceps to spare" and the other couldn't spare change. Bulk Biceps and Feather Weight walked up next to Flim and Flam to show what this product can do.

Flim:" Wow, what is your name big fella?"

Bulk Biceps:" BULK BICEPS !YEAH!"

Flim:" Sry I was talking to the other one"

*Laughter , applause*

Featherweight:" Featherweight sir "

Flim:" Featherweight Sir? Sounds exotic."

Flam:" But we'll need one more from the audience to prove that this isn't a way to get these gentleman to do a little song and dance for us ,"

BB and FW: Ummm

Flam:" I'm just kidding boys, we'll save that for act 2" 

*Laughter*

Flam:" You sir in the tight spandex, care to give our product a try?"

The pony from the audience nods and steps on stage in between Bulk Biceps and Featherweight.

Flim:" What's your name son?"

?: " Daniel Way"

*Dude, this is sweet enough to give us diabetes*

( Give it a couple of days, that's when they'll get the punch line)

Flim takes a scoop of the powder from their new product and puts one in 3 glasses of milk and has the boys drink it. Then Flam comes from the side with a crane, dropping three barbells filled with weighted plates at each end. Flim rolls them in front of the boys, with the audience members putting the pieces together on what was about to happen next.

Flim:" Gentleman in front of you is a barbell with 200lbs of weight added to it. With the exception of Bulk Biceps , these are well over your total body weight, possible combined for one bell. On the count of three, all of you will lift the barbells with your hooves and hold them above your heads. Now Bulk Biceps I'm assuming your adept at weight training."

Bulk Biceps :" YEAH!"

Flam:" A man of man of few words, but those words have power in them , however. Daniel Way, Feather weight, what about you two."

Both just nod their heads no.

Flim:" Well let's see if we can change that , three , TWO , ONE *WHISTLE*"

Of course Bulk Biceps was expected to do it with no problems, the funny part was that "Daniel " and Featherweight managed to lift the weights over their heads faster that Bulk Biceps. The audience gasped and cheered loud enough for the whole city to hear it.

Flim:" AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS! Guess those extra muscles on you Mr. Biceps weighed you down.:

Flam:" Lift smart and the weight shall follow, as long as you keep a steady diet of our GENIE IN A JAR, It's an instant wish , just add water."

After the demonstration everypony reached into their pouches and started grabbing bits by the hoof full. That's when they saw their new machine at work. Every ingredient they had mentioned and not mentioned was being fed through, process , dried and filled in a container fast enough to meet the demand. While the herd of prospective buyers grew larger , it was minus one. "Daniel " decided to hide in an alley way , just far enough for a little conversation with himself.

Deadpool:" HAHHHHHHHHHH, that was easier than explaining the plot to Wolverine: Origins"

*You're still bitter about that *

( How is explaining an origin story easy?)

Deadpool:" I can do it in 4 sentences *imitating Wolverine* " I'm drunk, bub. I'm a mutant bub. I'm Got PointYthings bub. I forgot my name bub." And that's it. If anyone is reading this who has never seen the movie, I just saved you two hours. You're welcome.

*Right, good job changing the subject CANNIBAL*

( The Incredible , edible , Wade)

Deadpool:" Pfft, well in about three days, at least my wish will come true. "

*I forget , won't they notice the slight taste of cancer ridden $$ the second they take a sip?*

( Only if they've dined on Deadpool before. Cancer riddled meat isn't exactly a known flavor)

Deadpool:" Or meat for that matter, but this will give us enough time to work on are next project."

Then from out of nowhere

AppleJack:" Beg Pardon?"


	5. Chapter 10: Betrayal?

I don't Own Blah Blah Blah Blah Of BLAH. Do I really have to keep writing this just so I don't get sued?

Young lovers have it easy. They haven't been tainted by the amorphous and blurred lines of what people call "reality." The atypical perception of what everyone considered normal, was deviating from set standards by the mores and folklores of a subculture. It's a cliché, but Romeo and Juliet is a frighteningly apropos comparison. Love was blinding them from the harsh reality that the chances of them staying together , were next to nothing. Then again, love has a way of making us choose rational decisions as well. The only problem is that it doesn't work out for everyone. Choosing not to be together with your lover, to forego any further suffering from either side , is actually noble. Like cancer, it's better to sever all ties , then to let it spread.

Boston Massachusetts

-A small brown stone apartment.

Vanessa:" Wade…please ..you're not thinking straight. "

Wade: " Ness, this is how it's got to be…we can't keep doing this. It's better if I just fade out before this thing gets too serious."

Vanessa get's up from her couch to comfort her lover.

Vanessa: " I need you , just want you to hold me..*sniff* and we can fight this together."

Wade grabs her arms and pushes her back on the couch. Vanessa bounced for a bit, her red hair getting in her eyes. It didn't help that strands were stuck to her tears. She brushes her hair away so Wade can see what she was doing to her. Vanessa was crying for the first time years.

Wade: " I'M DONE FIGHTING, I HAD THIS COMING VANESSA!."

Vanessa:" NO ONE DESERVES TO DIE!"

Wade: " Really Ness, look at me. I'm a mercenary , a step under a Hitman, but just above a street thug."

Vanessa: " I ..*sniff* know, but I never judged you. You're a soldier Wade , this is what you do, and your great at it. "

Wade: " Don't do this Ness, you think I haven't tried to rationalize what I do? As soon as I was comfortable being just a low life killer , I get cancer. There, I deserve it. THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS GREAT GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING."

Vanessa: " God wouldn't do this to you. *sniff* Wade, I know you . Behind that mask you keep putting on is a good hearted man. That's why I love you Wade. ..I…"

Wade: " We're done, this was never real. Every time blow into Boston we have some fun and that's IT!"

Vanessa: " DON'T YOU SAY THAT, you can't tell me that what we have isn't love."

Wade: " I just did."

Vanessa:" Then why do you keep calling me Ness, no one does that but you. You're just trying to make me hate your guts, I can see past that."

Wade grabbed his duffle bag , and headed towards the door.

Vanessa: " WADE WAIT, WE CAN FIGHT THIS….

Without hesitation, Wade pulls a pistol out, and stick it in between her eyes.

Wade: " No more fighting, no more chemo, no more pills, no…more US!"

*SLAM* Wade had left , making his declaration to die alone. He left Vanessa in that small apartment to live here life. If he had stayed, he knew it would be a daily reminder of the pain, and that he was going to make both of them suffer. Even a good man has the power to hurt someone, so would it be fair to say that a bad man can feel nothing about his decisions? Can being bad numb the pain of life's morbid sense of humor called "chance?"

Wade: " Eeeeyup!"

_Downtown Manehattan_

Apple Jack: " You've got sumsplaining ta do."

Deadpool:" LUCY, I'm glad you're home….cause now I'm gonna play Babalu with your empty SKULL AS A BONGO."

Deadpool draws his Katana with his mouth. The fight with the Timber wolves and Cockatrice has sharpened his skills with a sword in his mouth.

Applejack: " What in tarnation does that mean? "

Deadpool doesn't even acknowlde Apple Jack lack of knowledge on quality classic cable television. He just walks towards her, blade at the ready. Now AppleJack is concerned. All she could do was back up further into the alley.

Apple:" Yur lookin for a fight or something? Don't start what you can't finish buddy."

Too bad that Deadpool wore a mask. If Applejack could see the glimmer of revenge and death in his eyes, she'd think twice about going hoof to katana with Deadpool. It's come to the point where the alley ends. That's when Deadpool sprints towards Applejack. However , Applejack wasn't Deadpool usually prey.

Applejack:" I guess ya'll are just seein red, well meet the bull with some mighty big horns."

*Wait, that doesn't even make sense*

(Strike that , reverse it)

Before his thoughts finished their…..thoughts. Applejack spot a nearby dumpster and bucks it at Deadpool's direction. It was too late for him to jump out of the way. The dumpster ends up giving our merc a Hulk like punch into the side wall. From Applejack's view he was pinned to the wall. Applejack heads to the street to find Rarity. Hopefully her magic can subdue Deadpool without any further confrontation.

Applejack: " Dag nabbit where's that prissy…*Spots a purple haired pony with flawless hooves* RARITY *shouting tone* I FOUND HIM."

Rarity was in the crowed that Flim and Flam had gathered. She ran towards the shouts, eventually running into Applejack at the alley opening.

Rarity:" Darling did you see Featherweight lift that barbell. It was absoluty magnificent. I may have to try that protein powder…"

Applejack:" I wouldn't do that sugarcube, apparently Wade aka Deadpool gave Flim and Flam some kind a ingredient that might not agree with everypony."

Rarity:" He, poisoned everyone?"

Applejack: " Not by the looks of it, he said somethin bout three days, but come on, I need yur magic to hogtie his kiester back to Canterlot.

They both ran towards the dumpster, expecting to find an unconscious Deadpool on the other side.

Rarity: "My word Applejack. You flattened him with a dumpster! Is he going to be alright?"

Applejack: " I reckon he can take it…why do care all of a sudden?"

Rarity: " I …uh… well …

Applejack: " Oh for Celestia's sake just get the varmint"

Suddenly, the dumpster was slice in half, with each piece getting bucked. Except this time it had a new target, well targets. One half nailed Applejack on her side, sending her straight to the wall. Rarity used her magic to stop the other half, but didn't notice Deadpool hopped on that half and rode it life a surfing board . They end up staring right at each other, until Deadpool broke the silence.

Deadpool: " Hey sweet cheeks, how about a little off the top."

With the sword in his mouth again and a quick twist of the torso, Deadpool had cut off Rarity's horn, sending an enormous amount of magical energy back at him. Rarity couldn't help but scream in pain, and now she had no means to direct her magic. So the blast sent Deadpool flying across the alley while breaking his katana in the process.

Deadpool: " OOOWWWW, what the heck Gandalf the Fabulous? "

Rarity:" My ..*sniff* my horn…how could you…

Before she could finish expressing how hurt she was , Deadpool pinned her to the ground.

Deadpool: " We have got to stop meeting like this. Oh wait , how about you stop GETTING ON MY FRIKIN NERVES WOMEN?!"

Rarity was back to staring at Deadpool. Only this time his face was so close that she could see his eyes through the jersey like material. She was reminded that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. All she could see in Deadpool's eyes was the soul of a tortured pony who never knew true happiness. A soul that hid behind the mask of humor to numb the pain of his past. It was no coincidence that Rarity became a fashion designer. He had a remarkable eye for detail, even outside the realm of her boutique. The thoughts of her severed horn diminished when she was trying to make sense of the situation.

Rarity: " I…I..I don't understand, why are doing all of this, I was..we we're all starting to get along and then.."

Deadpool: " Then I realized why making friends was like a psychic telling me that I'll I'm going to" live a long, happy life filled with puppies and a drop dead women" and then ending up getting a Wolverine , a crazy ex who wants ME dead and a big ol head of cancer…."

Rarity: " *lips quivering* I ..uh don't quite get the analogy dear."

Her politeness was wasted.

Deadpool: " It all backfires when thing become clear."

Rarity:" I still don't understand , I thought we were trying to clear you of being a threat to Equestria. "

Deadpool:" *chuckle* don't play innocent with me, that only works when I play Phoenix Wright and do a little dance when I hear "not guilty." You we're buttering me up when you saved me, then when I pulled a smoke bomb from the "not so usual or ironic place" to get out of the Hostpital, you all thought I was a threat. Little did I know I was about to spend a lifetime of getting stoned, and not the good kind with cotton mouth and Fruity Pebbles for dinner."

Rarity: " Wait , you thought we we're going to turn you to stone? Darling , the only reason why I mentioned that was because of what Discord had done to Equestria in the past. I admit you reminded me of how random he was, but he was turned to stone when he ruled Equestria through chaos and fear. You have done nothing even close to arouse suspicion that you'd be even a 10th of what Discord was.

Deadpool: " Riiiggght, so you send a pack of regenerating Lincoln Logs to wear me out, then finish the job by sending glorified chickens that Colonel Sanders wouldn't even put in his "food" to turn me into a lawn ornament, just because you made a boo boo?"

Rarity: " What, you mean the Timber Wolves and Cockatrice, when Fluttershy found out that they attacked you , she sent a messenger bird to inform us. We we're actually worried dear."

Deadpool: " A hit team of creatures that can do what you just so happen to mention on the train just attacked me for no good reason? Now I'm starting to think this is a Final Fantasy plot."

Applejack: " It's …ugh…it's true."

Applejack regained consciousness just in time to chime in.

Applejack: " I don't lie , there's a reason why I got the Element of Harmony for honesty."

Deadpool:" You lied on your application for Avatar: The Last Airbender for bending the truth ?"

Applejack: " NO! I reckon you don't make a lick a sense sometimes, but we didn't think ill of you. "

Deadpool: " You know what I'm done, I've had a rough couple of days of making my own protein drink, again, not in the fun way, and I've a schedule to keep."

Before Applejack could get back up, a huge burst of black smoke came out of Deadpools mouth.

Applejack:" *cough cough* How the *cough* where are ya?

Once the smoke cleared Deadpool was no where to be seen. Rarity laid on the street by herself, relieved that nothing worst happened , but at the same time there was a feeling of guilt nipping at her conscience. She tried to make sense of everthying that happened in the Everfree forest and why Deadpool suddenly turned into vindictive mad pony. Sadly Applejack and Rarity had a bigger problem. During their altercation with Deadpool Flim and Flam sold all of their stock. Their satirical mode of transport had moved on, probably to the nearest town to sell more of Deadpool's concoction. With that thought in mind, Rarity and Applejack hailed a cab to catch up to them. Little did they know that Deadpool ….

Deadpool:" *COUGH* GET ON WITH IT WRITER, I CAN ONLY HOLD MY BREATH FOR SO FRIKIN LONG!

*sigh* hid in the garbage that was in the dumpster that nailed Applejack.

Deadpool: " Thank you, I've had a half a thrown out banana getting too friendly in there."

*Who throws out half of a banana*

(Who put a banana in the refrigerator? Some questions best left unanswered)

*I miss that show, did the readers get that reference

Deadpool: " I doubt it , *cough* *spit* You guys take a moment to google that and we'll wait, I've got to get the taste of phosphorus out of my mouth."

_5 mintues later_

Deadpool:" *gargle* *Spit* …"

*o.O*

(O.o)

Deadpool:" What?"

*you washed your mouth out with …..you*

(You still have that stuff?)

Deadpool:" Turns out I'm not that bad."

*Tell that to the ponies who'll be pounding your meat post workout*

(Are we still saying "Phrasing")

Deadpool: " Eh whatever , they can all eat me"

*Remember the zombie nurses that ate you?*

(You'd be the only surving character on "The Walking Dead")

Deadpool:" THEY HAD NO TASTE BUDS, HOW CAN THEY SAY I TASTE LIKE ROTTEN MEAT SOAKED IN RUBBING ALCOHOL AND BABY VOMIT? That is way too specific. Besides the dudes in the barbershop quartet get ups added a bunch of fruits and stuff in it"

*Well I'd like to not be here when the secret ingredient kicks in*

(Too bad they don't have alcohol, could've rinsed with that)

*That's only if dude kisses you*

(How would you know)

Deadpool: " Even the dude love the Deadpool, but whiskey….you just gave me an idea."

Deadpool made it to the side streets while picking off the garbage on his person. He heads to the nearest street corner and whistles.

Deadpool: " TAXI!"

A taxi pony trotted up beside Deadpool.

Cabby Pony: " Where to bub?"

*I'm starting to miss being called bub*

Deadpool: " Take me to the nearest bakery."

Deadpool hopped in the "carriage" like contraption and took off.

Deadpool:" You know what's funny, ponies are the norm on this planet, but they still have carriages pulled by ponies. Isn't that a little ironic? I mean I've been to China and rode a rickshaw, but they weren't strapped to a harness. I mean that's short distance, but come on. What if like , they rich ponies were so pretensoius that they whipped the ponies to go faster in their carrages , then the ponies getting whipped would be all like "SLAVE DAYS ARE OVER YO," but I haven't seen any stereotypical black versions of ponies. It's like a deluxe crayon box of colors and stickers so how could you tell…..?

Cabby pony: " Hey chief , could you button your lip I'm trying to concentrate?"

Deadpool: " Nuts to you lowly cabby, you guys don't have that plastic screen that blocks me from giving Human cabbies a wet willy , so I can do what I ever the .*SCREECH* *Smack* OOOUCH!

Cabby: "And I can stop mid trot to make ya hit your head"

Deadpool" touche cabby, is this it?"

Cabby Pony:" Yup , "Sweet Confection" try their cannoli's, best in the city."

Deadpool: " Sure *drops bits in his pouch* "

Deadpool opens the door to find a large clear case display of pastries, cakes, truffles, and candied….everything. The floors were black and white checkered and walled decorated with framed photos of what looked like the owners with famous ponies eating pastries. Deadpool was starting to head towards the counter when he saw that there was a line from the door and lead across the counter to the register.

Deadpool:" Must be really good cannolis,"

?: " That's what I'm hoping for mate."

Deadpool:" A British accent, they have a Great Britain in Equestria,*chuckle* where are you from "Coltchester."

?: " Nowhere special, I was just wondering about heard about this little shop from the locals, I love little shops."

Deadpool: " Fascinating, what number are you ?

?: " Well there we're nine others before me, oh you mean in line. I'm number ten so I guess that'd make eleven, although you don't have the chin for it."

Deadpool:" Say what?"

*What's with this dude, who is he *

(Who indeed, check the mark)

Deadpool takes a peak at the pony's flank.

Deadpool:" An hourglass , hey Mr. Timey Wimey, I'm kind of in a hurry so can I cut ya."

*Cut him*

( DO IT)

?:" I got plenty of time, go on then, but blimey mate take a bath."

The mystery pony walked out the door letting Deadpool take his spot.

*Huh, you'd think with on hourglass on his but he'd have a better figure*

(Hmm, then you'd have to wash your eyes out with whiskey)

.Eventually Deadpool had made it to the front on the line. Ponies started making quick decisions after the wind blew in and gave off Deadpool's dumpster smell.

Mrs. Sweet." *holding her nose* welcome sir, what can I get for you today?"

Deadpool: "Fifty of your finest yeast cubes *pulls out a huge bag of bits* to go"

Mrs Sweet:" I'm sorry sir , but we use those for baking and can't really sell them to the public, we use an especially strong species of yeast and it would take a while to make more"

Deadpool: " Fine , *gets another bag filled with bits* double it , I'll even throw in a bonus of me not staying long enough for the smell to stick around the shop making your pastries smell like coffee grounds and wet farts."

Mrs Sweet: " Deal,!"

With that , Deadpool is set up with 50 yeast cakes in a sealed crate( you ever smell yeast?) He ended up back at the train station with the crate in packed in with other pieces of luggage. Deadpool boarded the train as the conductor shouted.

Conductor: ALL ABOARD , NEXT STOP PONYVILLE.

The train started up, and once again Deadpool was on his way to Ponyville. While sitting in a booth towards the back he started a conversation, well not him but his other "selves"

*Are we gonna talk about how you escaped the odd couple back there?*

Deadpool:" hmm, oh yeah. Remember the smoke bomb I made at the Hospital , I put some in a ping pong ball and sealed it. I put a couple of pieces of flint in there so all I had to do was add pressure and POOF."

*okay*

( Where did you get all of that money?)

Deadpool:" Some of the profits I pilfered from the Flim Flam goons"

(So what's in the 2 bags they have now?)

Deadpool:" Filled em with farts"

*Harsh*

( What are we going to do with the yeast?)

Deadpool:" What is this a %$&!ing inquisition?"

As the train left the station to Ponyvilles , Deadpool thoughts were getting bored. For the First time Deadpool wanted some silence to think. Sadly his thoughts hung around annoying the hell out of him like an unpaid bill.

*That pony we met at the shop, was a little off don't you think?*

Deadpool: " Totally off his meds , he needs a refill"

( What are we making with all that yeast)

Deadpool: " Something awesome now hush"

*If the Pillsbury Dough Boy got a yeast infection , how would you know*

Deadpool: " I don't know , ummm, bake him like a Jew at The Culinary Institute of Nazi's "

( Yeast is a funny word)

Deadpool: " Hilarious, I'll have the writer make a joke about it in the next chapter"

*How many lick does it take to get to the center of a Lolipop made from Planter's nuts*

Deadpool: " Enough to bust the nut"

( Exactly)

Deadpool: " You guys aren't gonna stop till I tell you what my plan is?"

*We ask the questions bub*

(uh not anymore , he finally cracked)

*Oh yeah*

Deadpool:" Fine, remember that one time in Denver when we finally got that cat out of that tree"

*You mean when the low point of our career started *

( Who names a cat "whiskers" after treating our junk like a scratching post )

*Scratchy's copyrighted*

Deadpool:" Anyway, remember when we stopped at that liquor store"

*Yeeup*

(Nope)

Deadpool:" and I bought a bottle that was shaped like an apple"

*Yeeup*

(Nope)

Deadpool: " Because it was 80 proof apple Brandy"

*Yeeup*

(Nope*

Deadpool:" *sigh* and the name of the store was "Applejacks fine wine and liquor"

*Yeeup*

(Nope)

Deadpool:" Jeez #2 you're a frikin light weight"

( N…..Yeeup)

*So we're going to ….No…NO way…..REALLY*

( I think his got it)

Deadpool: "Yeeup"


	6. FWI

This is for anyone who wants to thicken the plot a bit, a new chapter has been posted in the first saga of my Deadpool: agent of chaos story. Just to give you some "closure" and a hint of things to come. Again , please read , review and send me ideas of new places to send Deadpool, and places to send someone else *hint* *hint* *wink*. Thanks for reading

D-Piddy826


	7. Chapter 11: Drunk as a Pony?

I don't own Hasbro, Marvel, or any of the songs I might have parodied.

_Canterlot_3 days prior _

_Princess Celestia's castle _

Discord: " Deadpool…he was sent here?"

Twlight Sparkle: " That's apparently what he calls himself. I got a letter via messenger bird from Flutttershy. He only refered to himself as Wade Wilson. At the time I had my suspicions since it sounded so foreign, but now it sounds like it was an alias."

Discord: " He doesn't need to make an alias Twlight , because he honestly doesn't know his own origins.

Princess Celsestia: " You know more than you're letting on, don't you discord?"

Discord: " *sigh* To be blunt, let him do what he came here to do, and forget about the entire ordeal, take up a hobby in the mean time. I chose to knit

An enourmous ball of yarn appearded on Twlights back, large enough to tower over Princess Celestia. Twilight was struggling to keep it up. Her legs were shaking to the point that her hoofs were chattering like teeth, a sound Discord paid no mind as he donned an outfit to rival Red Riding hoods Grandmother, pre wolf consumption.

Discord : " Would you hold that for me Twilight, I've been trying to knit a sweater for myself , but well *chuckle* you can imgine with my various apendages how hard it must be."

Princess Luna: " Disord, this is no time to indulge in one of your asinine hobbies. Answer my sister's questions and tell us about this Deadpool and whether or not we should be concerned. "

Discord: " Fine, *snaps fingers*"

The ball of yarn disappeared as well as Discord's garment. Twilight was relieved.

Twilight: " *gasp* "

Discord: " In a nutshell….Deadpool is a nut….

_Sweet Apple Acres 4 days prior _

It was that time of year again. Sweet apple acres was as busy as a June bug in May. Everypony was getting ready for cider season, sadly with one pony short ( Applejack ) Granny Smith had to call in some help. Braeburn managed to come in from Appleoosa, and they managed to find someone who knew how to brew apple cider Ponyville. Big Mac and Braeburn were given the task of apple bucking , Apple Bloom was gathering what fell and putting them on a wooden cart, which was delivered to the barn for quality control lead by Granny Smith, and the new cook who apparently was given the "Applejack Seal of approval."

?: "ACHOO," *sniff*

Braeburn: " Ya'll okay there compadres?"

?: " Peachy keen buckbean, fer some reason I been sneezin out a no-were"

Braeburn: " Alright, I'll leave ya to it then, Y'all ok on yer end Granny."

Granny Smith : " Just keep bringing me the Gala apples, and the Yellow Delicious sweety. I got Big mac bringin Golden Delicious so pay them no mind. "

Braeburn: " Sure will Granny"

With that, Braeburn left leaving Granny Smith with the new guy.

Granny Smith: " And you, next time I hear the sniffles out a you, ya'll be wearin a mask!"

?: " Way a head of you Mrs Smith."

Granny: " Ya'll can just call me Granny, keep up the good work uhh, what was yer name again sonny."

?: " Leeroy Jenkins ma'am, er uh , Granny."

_Back in Canterlot ._

Twilight Sparkle: " Nuts? Could you elaborate?"

Discord: " Let me start from the beginning. That deity that I was talking about, just so happens to be an acquaintance of mine. Her name is Eris, and as much as I hate to admit it, is rightfully called the Goddess of Chaos."

Princess Celestia: " Goddess of Chaos, is that how she's related to you."

Discord: " Not really, let's just say that while I'm a Master of Chaos…

Discord uses his magic to change the scenery from Pricess Celestia's thrine room , to a high school setting . His attire transformed to a Graduates black cap and gown .Luna, Celestia, and Twilight were fixed with a desk, some paper and pencils, with the finishing touch of a "Dunce" cap on Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle : "*looks up* HEY!"

Discord: " Just working with what you give me. Anyway , while I hold the Master's well let's just say she has a PhD in Chaos."

Luna: " She has more power than you?"

Discord: " She has the potential for more power. I have a great amount of magic at my disposal, but it's fixed. Eris however can accumulate more if there is more chaos in the universe. At this point I can only assume she sent Deadpool here for two reasons. "

A chalk board appears in front of everyone with Discord writing the reasons on them. In addition to supplying himself with some chalk, he started pressing so hard on them that they strated to screech. It was loud enough that even the Guards on the other side of the door to the throne room were twitching.

Discord: " 1. She doesn't have enough power or "Chaotic Influence " to travel between worlds and cause it herself, which leads to number 2. She sends mortals out to do her dirty work for her. Usually with a promise or wish that the mortal couldn't say no to at the time."

Twilight Sparkle: " Which is why she sent Deadpool here."

Discord." …you learn fast*snaps fingers*

The "Dunce" cap is removed from Twilights head, only to be replaced with a gold star Discord slaps on her forehead.

Princess Celestia: " What I can't understand is why she chose Equestria. I can't remember a time when we had any quarrel with her. "

Discord: " Tell that to the Trojans. She was so spiteful after not being invited to a wedding, she caused the Prince of Troy to doom his city…now that I think about it, the Trojan Horse alone has certain smell of Irony for sending Deadpool here. She is good."

Princess Luna: " I beg your pardon."

Discord: " Never mind. As I was saying your majesty, I can only guess that events within the last couple of years provoked her to target Equestria, with the following list."

Again , the chalk does it's damage. This time the sound expanded to all of Canterlot.

_Canterlot Train Station_

AppleJack: " What the hay was that?"

Rarity: " My word, it's as if two giant cats were fighting on a glass floor."

_Back to the Castle_

Discord: " 1. The re awakening of the Elements of Harmony, 2. Princess Luna return from her "Nightmare Moon Phase" *chuckle* 3. The Return of the Crystal Empire and King Sombra's Defeat 4. And the final nail in the coffin, my reform. Equestria has been the epitome of harmony for a while now, so answer me this class. Why hasn't she sent anyone here sooner?"

Despite Discord's bombastic presentation , he did make a good point. The balance has shifted toward harmony in Equestria.

Discord: " Now, back to Deadpool…..Literally "

_Sweet Apple Acres 4 days later_

Leeroy Jenkins: " ACHOO!"

Apple Bloom: " Hey Mr. Ya'll got a cold er somthin?"

Leeroy Jenkins: " Naw, I'm fine. I guess it's mah new environment. I haven't been outside of ummm Manehattan in a dogs age. "

Apple Bloom: "MANEHATTAN, what's a country pony like you doin in a town like that, you famous?"

Leeroy Jenkins: " Guess you can say that I've made quite an impression on them city folks."

Leeroy Jenkins , was something of a mystery to the everyone at Sweet Apple Acres. Dressed up in a yellow jumpsuit, a black fedora, and black sunglasses….he did stand out. However he brought enough equipment with him to start his own lab. The inside f the barn was fixed up with flasks and beakers hooked up to funnels, hoses and filters. Basically everything you need to brew a top quality batch of Cider.

Leeroy Jenkins: " Wanna see what I'm doin here?"

Apple Bloom: " Sure do!"

Leeroy Jenkins: " The key to a good cider is the combination of different breeds of apples. Granny sure is a genius."

Granny Smith: "* Blush* aww schucks sonny."

Leeroy Smith: " First we slice the apples and remove the skins."

*SLICE , SLICE , SNIKT, SNIKT*

Apple Bloom: " Wow , ya'll er good with a knife."

Leeroy Jenkins: " Thank you, the skin makes a bitter flavor, so once we toss em aside, we smash em up."

They both turn their heads to a giant half barrel with the sliced apples inside and a certain pony stomping the heck out of them.

Granny Smith: " Havin fun Derpy?"

Derpy: " WOO HOOO, I didn't know making cider was this much FUN!"

Leeroy Jenkins: " Is she all right?"

Apple Bloom: " That's just Derpy bein Derpy."

Leeroy Jenkins: " Gotcha….so when the apples are smashed up, * Points to the spigot on the bottom of the barrels* It drains through there into cheese cloth to remove any sediments, and goes in that glass jar over the burner. Can we that cloth change by the by?"

Cheese Sandwich: *dressed in the same jump suit* " Roger that, *switched out the cloth with a new one*"

Leeroy Jenkins: " Much obliged, Cheese. Can you mix in a 1 cup of honey and brown sugar to that?"

Cheese Sandwich: " Sweet. *stirs in the honey and brown sugar* Hey Derpy!"

Derpy: *still bouncing* Yup?"

Cheese Sandwich: " DARE TO BE STUPID!"

Derpy: What? * slips and crushes more apples with a loud thud*

Cheese Sandwich: " HAH HAH! Works every time."

Leeroy Jenkins: " Nice, *Hoofbump*. Once the temperature gets to simmerin the juice, it goes through a long line of glass tubes to cool down where it get's poured down into that beaker set at a lower temperature of 100 degrees where I add my secret ingredient."

Apple Bloom: " What might that be?"

*OH, COME ON. It wouldn't be a secret than little miss country bumpkin blank flank*

( SHHH , we're supposed to be incognito )

*IN-YOUR-COGNITO!*

Leeory Jenkins: *shakes head* "Nothin , just a preservative. In about 45 minutes we add that to an oak barrel and send it to the cellar where the cold will keep it nice and fresh. With the preservative, it'll taste twice as nice."

Applebloom: " Why all the fancy equipment and techniques?"

Granny Smith: " Just 'n' case dem two Flim Flam borthers mosey on back to Ponyville, I brought Mr. Jenkins to sweeten up my recipe with dem fancy city folk gear to knock out the competition."

Leerot Jenkins: " Oh I'm sure they'll be busy."

_Back to Canterlot_-

Discord: " He's something of a living cliché of the old adage "what doesn't kill you , makes you stronger." You see, he's not from Equestria, in fact he's not even from this universe. He's actually from a race you encountered from that Mirror World chasing after Sunset Shimmer."

Twilight Sparkle: " That explains why you sensed that familiar trail of magic Princess Celestia."

Discord: " NO TALKING DURING MY LECTURE* Snap*."

The "Dunce" Cap returned to Twilights Head.

Twilight Sparkle: *Slightly irritated* "grrrrr"!

Princess Celestia: *whispers* "I know it's difficult Twilight, but just humor Discord until we can establish our next course of action."

Discord: " Do I hear whispering?"

The room was silent.

Discord: *Takes out one eye and throws it at Princess Celestia* "I'm watching you. Back to Deadpool, he was indeed a soldier, but he fell ill with a disease that would have been fatal if not for the same origination that recruited him. They offered to cure his illness with an experimental vaccine. However, the "vaccine" was actually a well-planned experiment to combine his genetic material , with another's genetic material. The aforementioned individual had …..well let's just say it was a type of magical healing power. It wasn't for his benefit though. He was to create a living weapon. His world is filled with nations at each other's throats , so they cooked up this plan to make the perfect soldier. Sadly it failed. It did indeed cur his illness, but at the same time, the "healing magic" he was forced to incorporate into his body, regenerated and degenerated the illness to the point where he was in constant pain. They dubbed him a "failure" and sent him to another facility, only to be tortured for days, just to see where they went wrong. Eventually he fell into a coma, but that kicked started his healing magic again, except his body tolerated the pain thanks to his tolerance. He escaped and now lives his days as an on again off again mercenary that is hated by everyone due to the current state of his mind being regenerated and degenerated. Can you imagine what it must be luck in his head? Insanity doesn't even come close to being accurate. Constantly being reminded that you are revered by everyone, causing chaos everywhere you go , while getting paid for it. To me it's a dream true , I guess if you're desperate enough to say "yes" to experience that disaster, he must had nothing to lose in the first place. No friends, no family, hated and feared, not knowing what might be reality or an altered state of perception , and having such a terrible life at the beginning must fill him with such rage and sadness , why I would think revenge would be his means of releasing some frustration, but what do I know *chuckle*.

As Discord turned around from his chalkboard he saw the three princess with blank expressions.

Discord: " Okay I guess I went off on a depressing tangent."

Twilight Sparkle: *sniff* "You think!? *sniff, holding back tears.*"

Princess Luna: " One last question…How did you managed to get all of the information on Deadpool when he's from another universe?"

Discord sent his school room environment away and reverted the area back to the throne room. He could tell there was too many emotions going on so he was getting ready to leave after answering this last question.

Discord: " Comic books."

Princess Luna: "Comic books?"

Discord: " Yes, well…..you see you wouldn't understand because you all are not true believers in chaos, but a select group like myself have the ability to go beyond normal comprehension. There's a certain "wall " we can "break" at our leisure and use it to expand our influence. I choose to get these fascinating graphic novels that tell tales of so many different worlds, Deadpool on the other hand just uses it to annoy people like you *points to the screen,* it's something we can talk about directly though. It's kind of like Fight Club, we can talk about it, but at the same time, we're not talking about "it" per say."

Twilight Sparkle: " I'm confused, what do you mean breaking a wall?"

Discord: " I've said too much already, if you don't mind, I really don't want to get involved in this matter further. Meddling in Eris's affairs can be messy. I'll leave this in your capable hoofs * A comic book appears in front of Discord * HAH, Brian Posehn you are a genius!"

On that note Discord left , leaving the three princesses to decide on the right course of action. Princess Celestia though had already made her choice.

Princess Celestia: " Twlight, I want you and the girls to find Deadpool, but take the elements of harmony with you. As soon as you see him….turn him into stone and bring him back to the castle. "

Twilight Sparkle: " but...I ….shouldn't we do something about Eris first? She's the one behind all of this and Deadpool …he's …regardless of what he might do, he seems innocent to me. I'm sure if we just explained everything , he might just stop and…."

Princess Celestia: " I've made my decision. Regardless of being Eris's tool of chaos, I want him brought back here."

Twilight Sparkle: " …..I see. I will your majesty ."

Twilight's horn glowed a bright purple as she used her magic to teleport herself outside the castle. Meanwhile Princess Luna was about to have words with her sister.

Princess Luna: " It has not even been a week and you're condemning him to a lifetime of imprisonment. After what Discord and I have done to Equestria, this Deadpool gets the same treatment as we have? It took years to do the amount of damage. I doubt that Deadpool is capable of such destruction after only a few days. I can't believe you…"

Princess Luna had to pause, for she had seen a slight smirk on Princess Celestia's face.

Princess Luna: " …Oh..I see. You have a plan, and didn't bother to tell Twilight? "

Princess Celestia: " Let's just say I know his type, hopefully Deadpool won't see this coming."

_Appleoosa 2 weeks later , after Twilghts discussion with the Princess Celestia_

The Town of Appleoosa would be best described as the closest thing to the wild west, next to Dodge Junction of course. This was a town of settlers , built in no less than a year. It is home to Braeburn's apple orchids, but that's not where our time skip brings us. There was a blacksmith that was is a dispute by an unruly red and black suited pony .

Deadpool : "ACHOO, *sniff* Are ya keeping up with us readers? It's been about a week and a half since I started here in Equestria and I'm not dead yet. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS FRIKIN SNEEZE?"

*Either the old anime adage is true and someone is talking about us*

(Or we snorted a line of cayenne pepper on a dare, again)

*I thought we'd agreed that we needed to get paid if we got that dare again*

Deadpool: * Feels around in one of his pouches* *jingle* " I guess we did, sweet!"

Blacksmith pony: " Stranger, who are you talkin to ?"

Deadpool: " Your mothers ghost."

Blacksmith pony: "My mama is over there alive and kickin."

Deadpool: " Good to know , cause now I can threaten you without having to disable you from doing what I asked."

Blacksmith pony: " Like I said, what yer asking for sounds like a weapon, and I don't make weapons fer civilians unless you gots a permit from one of the Princesses."

Deadpool: " This is not Rocket Surgery dude, I pay money and you make me a long piece of iron that just happens to have an edge. "

*Rocket Surgery?*

( To remove the rocket that apparently has been buried in this ponies A….)

*Dude , rated Y, Remember*

( I was gonna say adipose tissue from his mammary glands )

*Does he look like a chick?*

(No…..fine you caught me, I'm surprised you knew what a mammary gland is)

*Duh, have we not been staring at Domino's for the last few years?*

Blacksmith pony: " and that my friend is a weapon, you can't out smart me."

Deadpool: " Why, cause you're a MORON?!"

Blacksmith pony: " That's rig….HEY!"

Deadpool: " It's just farm equipment, I work at Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville."

Blacksmith pony: " Yeah right, boy you come straight out of a comic book."

Deadpool: *Grabs the blacksmiths apron*" WHO TOLD YOU?"

Blacksmith Pony: " Calm down I was just…..

Braeburn: " Hey Leeroy!"

*What?*

(Who is that?)

DeadPool looks back to see an old co-worker waving at him from the Salt Block Saloon across from the Blacksmith's shop.

*Oh crap , not this apple loving fruit*

( That, I think that was a redundant statement )

*What?*

(Apple and fruit, you're using them both as synonyms)

*Speak English, and you , out on the southern drawl or we're doomed*

Deadpool: " Well howdy Braeburn."

Braeburn: " Ain't you a sight for sore eyes. What'cha doing in ol APPPLEELOOOS?!"

*That was a bit much*

Deadpool: " Just talkin with this here blacksmith bout makin me a new piece a farmin gear I invented."

Braeburn: " Well ain't that somthin? "

Blacksmith pony: " The way he talks about it, sounds more like a weapon."

Braeburn: " *chuckle* Than ya'll better call the sheriff and lock up my kin with myself. Most farmin gear is sharp as the brain on this fella."

*Did ya hear that, he totally wants us*

(I'd rather play Farm Heroes drunk while driving tractor through downhill the Appleloosa mountains)

Braeburn: " Besides , this pony is practically family *hugs Deadpool*."

(Didn't know that kind of marriage was legal here)

Blacksmith pony: *sigh* "if you say so Braeburn."

Braeburn: " Hey, when yer done here , how bout I show you round this great town of APPLLLLELOOOOOSAA!?"

*Dude, we're already here. Stop trying to sell something that's already been sold*

(I know, it's kind of sad. It's like watching people dance when you already ordered a burger with a ketchup smiley face at Johnny Rockets.

Deadpool: " That sounds mighty *gulp* friendly of you, I'll catch up to ya later on."

Braeburn: " That would be the bee's knees. Catch ya'll later."

With Braeburns approval the blacksmith pulled out a note pad and pen.

Blacksmith pony: " So how you want it?"

Deadpool: " Really?"

Blacksmith pony: "If Braeburn says you're ok, then I can let this one slide, maybe even make a couple more for the farm. "

Deadpool: " Wow, just like that huh. Alright, I need a 23 in long of folded steel, cover the spine in clay, quench it till it curves and leave the edge exposed. Sharpened and Wrapped at the end with something soft so it'll be easier on my teeth."

Blacksmith: " That'll total up to…um 1,100 bits."

Deadpool:" WHAT, are you trying to rob me?"

Blacksmith pony: "As much as I'd like to, pure steal is expensive round these parts."

Deadpool: *Frustrated* Fine, make it 500 bits, with 50% steel."

Blacksmith pony: " 750 at 35%. "

Deadpool: " 500 , 20% for the spine."

Blacksmith pony: " 650 and I'll throw in a hat."

*You butt puppet*

( Take him down)

Deadpool: " 550, 20% on the spine, 40% on the edge, and I'll throw in the courtesy of not giving you an oat burger fart!"

Blacksmith pony: " JEEZUM BOY! Fine , it's a deal. Pick it up in about a week."

Deadpool: " Oh no, I feel sick and bloated. I forgot I'm allergic to Oats*rumble* this one is gonna stink!"

Blacksmith: " STOP, I'LL HAVE IT FOR YA BY THE END OF THE DAY."

Deadpool: " Perfect, adios compadres."

Blacksmith Pony: " Not even a thank you."

Deadpool: " I had to eat an oat burger before I came here. Trust me you don't want to make me angrier."

Deadpool made his way into the Saloon , but not with hearing…..

Blacksmith Pony: " What in tarnation got into him?"

Deadpool: " AN OAT BURGER! KEEP TALKING SMACK AND I'LL SEND IT YOUR WAY FROM HERE , IT'LL BE JUST AS STRONG, BUT IT'LL SAVE ME THE WALK OVER!

After the verbal quarrel Deadpool managed to find a seat by the bar. Exhausted and full of hot air *HEY* , pun intended I'm the writer bitch!

Deadpool: " Don't fight with him or we'll never get out of this one horse town"

*More like one horse that's got a thing for you *

(I think "Buck-back Mountain" likes you)

Deadpool: " Dude , chances are the all of the Apple family probably "like each other." It's a self-descriptive re-telling of the "Aristocrat" joke for kids while the message goes over their heads and the adults covering their kid's ears."

*Sick*

( Disgusting )

Deadpool: "Eeyp."

Braeburn: " Well hay there."

*DAMMIT*

(DAMMIT)

Deadpool: "Hey Braeburn."

Braeburn pulls up a stool and joins Deadpool, much to his dismay.

Braeburn: " Barkeep , give us the strongest thang you got."

*If I see Bulk Biceps in a banana hammock I'll punch his teeth out*

(Get in line)

The bartender pulls out a couple shot glasses of black coarse sea salt and passes it over to the two "gents."

Deadpool: " Great, a blood clot."

*We ordered a Dick Cheney*

(We ordered Dick Cheney's blood blot by the looks of it)

Braeburn: " So, how's everybody at Sweet Apple Acres?"

Deadpool:" Just fine, I guess."

Braeburn: " Did ya stay in Ponyville long enough to make some friends?"

*HAH, He doesn't know*

( Please tell him)

Deadpool: " Of course, I uh.. "

_ 1 week ago, Ponyville_

It was finally time for the Cider Season to begin. Thanks to "Leeroy Jenkins", and every other pony who helped out Granny Smith, they managed to start on time. Granny thanked everypony for their efforts and told them that they'd receive a cut of the profits when the season was done. "Leeroy Jenkins" decided to stay despite the disagreement he had in his head. Yes folks if you didn't get it then , Leeroy Jenkins was none other than….

"DEADPOOOL!"

The shout was form eveypony in Ponyville that had partaken in his version of the Cider. It was just like clockwork. The best part was Granny Smith having a party in her barn to celebrate with Applebloom and the rest of the Cutie Mar Crusaders manning the cider stand out front. At this time , like I said clockwork, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie made it back to Ponyville after giving their report to AppleJack and Twilight Sparkle thank to Fluttershy's skills with talking to animals, in this case birds.

Rainbow Dash: " I'm SOOO TIRED. I thought you knew the way back to the train station Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie Pie: " I did , you didn't say which train station."

Rainbow Dash: " Obviously I wanted the closest train station, I assumed you meant the one back in Canterlot , not PONYVILLE!"

Pinkie Pie: " Come on silly how would I know that? I've only been to Canterlot a couple of times and I know Ponyville like the back of my hoof…*stops to check hoof* hmm, well that's new."

Rainbow Dash starts to cry as they'll all made their way through town. They noticed that the Ponyville seemed deserted at the time, but they were all too tired to care.

Fluttershy: " Well I know something that may cheer you up."

Rainbow: " The only thing that would cheer me up at this point is Deadpool hog tied on a rotisserie over a fire."

Pinkie Pie: " Why, does he know magic , because I'd pay a lot to see him escape from that."

Rainbow Pie:" I'd pay more to have him stay on it."

Fluttershy: " *chuckle* but then you wouldn't have enough for Granny Smith's famous Cider."

That fact alone brought Rainbow Dash out of her depression and into full on happy mode complete with bug eyes and a smile.

Rainbow Dash: " WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT , LET'S GO BEFORE THEY RUN OUT."

*ZIP* *BOOM*

Pinkie Pie: " Was she trying to do a Sonic Rain-boom , on without her wings. Challenge accepted!"

*Zip* *BOOM*

Fluttershy: " Oh my"

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made it to Sweet Apple Acres in just in time. They we're greeted by Scootaloo with enthusiasm.

Scootaloo: "RAINBOW DASH, YOU MADE IT"

Rainbow Dash: " Of course I did, I'll take the biggest size cider ya got. "

Sweetie Belle: " One Pinkie Pie coming up"

Rainbow Dash: " Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie Pie:" Eeyup, I knew you'd like it, I ordered a new size of tankard especially for today."

Sweetie Belle dispersed cider into two enormous tankards. While they were waiting , Rainbow Dash heard something from the barn.

Rainbow Dash: " Say uh, what's going on in the barn."

Apple Bloom: " Granny's havin a party. She invited everpony who bought cider inside. Everypony is there, even Mr. Jenkins."

Rainbow Dash: " Mr. Jenkins?"

Apple Bloom: Eeyup, he's amazing. He shows up ought of the blue as if Princess Celestia answered our prayers. We were short staffed and he offered to help out with a new recipe."

Rainbow Dash: " Wait , Granny Smith wouldn't let anyone touch her recipe. Something fishy is going on."

Pinkie Pie: Really , *hiccup* cause it sure *hiccup* taste like cider to me *snicker* fish….you're so funny Rainbow Dash…You, you…you should do *hiccup* stand-up Comedy…sit down…on a chair….comedy..HAH I don't know. "

Rainbow Dash: " Oh no, Sweetie Belle, give me that. "

Sweetie Belle: " 20 bits please."

Rainbow Dash: " TAKE IT, * sniff* *gasp* there are two thing I know: Daring Do trivia , and Granny Smiths Cider, This does not come close. "

Scootaloo: " I though Flying was was the 1st thing you knew."

Rainbow Dash: " That's a given Scootaloo don't be crazy. *dips hoof in tankard and licks it * This cider has been tainted with *licks again* something odd. What does this Mr. Jenkins look like?"

Apple Bloom: " Well, when I saw em, he was dressed up in a yella jump suit , but Mr. Cheese was wearin the same thing. "

Pinkie Pie: " *hiccup* Cheese Grinder is here?!"

Sweetie Belle: " Right inside the barn, he helped plan the party."

Pinkie Pie: " Well of course he did…*hiccup* PARTYYYYYYYYY"

Rainbow Dash: " PINKIE WAIT…too late. Apple Bloom, did he talk to himself a lot?"

Apple Bloom: "Well, I plum reckon he wasn't talkin, it was kinda odd. What was weirder was the red and black mask he wore under the hat and sunglasses. I think it was cause he kept sneezing, but he never got out of it when he stopped."

Rainbow Dash: " NUFF SAID, DEADPOOL YOU CREEP . DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT HOW THE CIDER FELT WHEN YOU RUINED IT."

Like a bullet aimed at Deadpool's head, she was off without a second thought. With all of her strength she managed to make one final dash with her wings intact right to the barn doors and opened them wide. The next thing she saw shocked her even more when she heard the new Daring Do book release was pushed back a few months. The inside of the barn was plastered with enough streamers and balloons to put Pinkie Pie to shame if she wasn't cracking jokes with Cheese Sandwich, drinking more cider. Everypony inside would be considered "buzzed" if they knew what it meant. Chatting and dancing to their hearts content, leaving Rainbow Dash questioning everything she knew about Deadpool.

Rainbow Dash: "What in the name of Celestia's wings is going on here. BIG MAC, BIG MAC are you alright?"

Big Macintosh was at a table sharing cider through two straws with Cheerilee giggling like a schoolgirl .

Big Mac: " Eeyup!"

Rainbow Dash: " Is Mr. Jenkins aka DEADPOOL here?"

Big Mac:" Eeyup!"

Rainbow Dash: "Where is he?"

Big Mac: " Eeyup."

Rainbow Dash: " ….do you understand anything I'm saying"

Big Mac: " Nu-ope!"

Cherilee:" HAH, isn't he just the cutest thing?"

Rainbow Dash: " Cheerilee , where is Mr. Jenkins?"

Chererilee: " You mean Deadpool *snicker* what a funny name, he should be back soon. He's just resting his vocal chords."

Rainbow Dash: " WHAT, Do you remember the last time he sang."

Cheerilee: " Nu-ope *snicker* HAAHAHA!"

Rainbow Dash : " AHH COME ON!"

Just then the lights dimmed a bit and the band Cheese Sandwich got started to play some background music. In the middle of the barn were enough stacks of hay to make a small stage. Octavia Melody appeared as on stage with playing the violin in a very rapid motion with an actual smile on her face. Then came the main attraction on, without his disguise, all dressed up In red and black with a bowtie and big as his ego.

Rainbow Dash " You have got to be kidding me."

Big Mac: " Nu-ope!"

Deadpool: "_What shall we do with a drunken pony,_

_What shall we do with a drunken pony, _

_What shall we do with a drunken pony ,_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

_Everyone: "Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

Octavia Melody busts out a tune right along with a dancing Deadpool. She looked as if she if she was meant to be on stage with Deadpool since they were in perfect sync, moving , dancing, she was as mellow as he was.

Rainbow Dash: " What the heck happened to Octavia?"

Deadpool: "_What shall we do with a drunken pony,_

_What shall we do with a drunken pony, _

_What shall we do with a drunken pony ,_

_Earl-eye in the morning_!"

"_Put em in the barn with the Derpy Hooves,_

_Put em in the barn with the Derpy Hooves,_

_Put em in the barn with the Derpy Hooves, _

_Earl-eye in the morning_!"

Everyone: "_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

Rainbow Dash: " Have you guys gone completely BONKERS? Wait don't answer….."

Big Mac: "Eeyup."

Deadpool_:" What shall we do with a drunken pony,_

_What shall we do with a drunken pony, _

_What shall we do with a drunken pony ,_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

"_Shave his mane with a rusty razor_

_Shave his mane with a rusty razor_

_Shave his mane with a rusty razor_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

Everyone: _"Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Hey-ho and up she rises,_

_Earl-eye in the morning!"_

Everyone: " WHOO HOO, DEADPOOl!"

When the song was over Octavia put her arms around Deadpool's neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Something Rainbow Dash thought wouldn't happen in her lifetime. She immediately went on stage and trampled on Deadpool shaking him uncontrollably.

Deadpool: " Hey look it's Skittles HAH, TASTE THE RAINBOW!. "

Rainbow Dash: " What did you do to everypony Deadpool."

Deadpool: " *snicker* Ee-"

Rainbow Dash: " Don't give me that, I know you can understand me."

Deadpool: " Skittles , this was my gift* Hiccup* to Equa ….Equa…HAhaAH, hold on it'll come to me."

Rainbow: " EQUESTRIA!"

Deadpool: " Yeah that place, we should totally go there some time, I hear they have *starts to chuckle* SOME GREAT CIDER!"

Everyone: "YEAH!"

Rainbow: " What is wrong with you guys? Octavia, when did you learn do learn to play the Violin?"

Octavia Melody: " *snicker* This …This is not a Violin, this is a fiddle."

Rainbow Dash: " What's the difference?"

Octavia Melody: "Did hear that Deadpool? * Snicker* she wants to know what's the difference between a violin and a fiddle."

Deadpool: " HEY EVERYPONY , WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A VIOLIN AND A FIDDLE."

Everypony: " YOU DON'T SPILL CIDER ON YOUR VIOLIN !

Deadpool: " SPARTANS , WHAT IS YOUR PROFFESION? DON'T ANSWER THAT I'm already plastered!"

Rainbow Dash: "* sigh * I give up, I'm too tired for this. "

Deadpool: " Hey, hey now. Look me in the eye Skittles."

Rainbow Dash: " I can't , you're wearing a mask."

Deadpool: " I KNOW , AHHAHAHAH, but ok..seriously look at my eyeball….I know what yer thinking."

Pinkie Pie:" HE'S PSYCHIC DASHY!"

Deadpool: " See she get's , anyway…have some cider and chill. It's a party , everypony is just having a good time. I'm not as think as you dangerous I am, PFFT *snicker*"

Rainbow Dash:" And how do I know that?"

Deadpool: " Come on , you didn't call me on that, jeez. Hey, let me treat you to some cider, and you come up here and sing a song with me?"

Rainbow Dash: " Oh no , I ..I Couldn't …..

Deadpool: " HEY EVERYPONY, RAINBOW DASH IS GONNA SING WITH ME!"

Everypony: " RAINBOW DASH, RAINBOW DASH, RAINBOW DASH. "

Derpy brought over a fresh tankard of cider over to Rainbow Dash.

Deadpool: " Seriously though, no pressure. I just ….wanted to have ….a good time *hiccup* because I never really … I never really ."

*He's not opening up is he?*

( He can't hear you, at this point he buried us in his unconscious mind."

*WHEN DID WE MOVE?*

Deadpool: " I never really had a party that was for me…or even any friends to have a party with."

Rainbow Dash: " You never had any friends?"

Deadpool: " If you knew…what I've been through…or even what I looked like under this suit, you wouldn't be friend either. It's fine…I mena…I mased….put down the cider writer , you''re misspelling on purpose."

Writer:" Sorry."

Deadpool" I'm mean that I'm used to being alone…..it was nice while it lasted though."

It was true, Deadpool didn't want anyone to fall under peer pressure. He was forced into doing so many awful things during his lifetime, so who was he to make someone do the same.

Rainbow Dash: " *gulp* * gulp* *gulp* * gulp* AHH, give me the lyrics."

Deadpool: " VINYL SCRATCH!, HEY, VINLY BABE!"

DJ Pon-3: " *on the microphone* What's up D-Piddy?"

Deadpool: " Give me a soft slow dance like beat"

DJ Pon-3: " You got it!"

At this point Fluttershy finally made it to Sweet Apple Acres. She made it just in time to grab a cider and head to the barn. Just in time for….

Fluttershy: " Oh my."

She opened the barn doors to find everypony entranced in the musical harmony with the docile tones of Deadpool And Rainbow Dash."

Deadpool and Rainbow Dash_: "Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Way up high_

_There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby._

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Skies are blue_

_And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true._

_Someday I'll wish upon a star _

_And wake up where the clouds are far behind me_

_Where troubles melt like lemon drops_

_Away above the chimney tops_

_That's where you'll find me._

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Blue birds fly_

_Birds fly over the rainbow_

_Why then oh why can't I?_

_If happy little blue birds fly beyond the rainbow_

_Why oh why can't I?"_

Deadpool: " Give It up for SKITTLES!"

Everypony: "WHOOOOO ! RAINBOW DASH , RAINBOW DASH , RAINBOW DASH."

Even Fluttershy joined in the cheers, although no one could hear here. Then she noticed Deadpool tell Rainbow Dash to continue on while he left to check on the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Fluttershy Put down the cider she didn't drink and headed towards Deadpool's direction.

Deadpool: " Hey girls!"

Crusaders: " Hi Mr. Jenkins."

Deadpool: " Call me Mr. Wilson…..actually sctratch that …I can't help , but think of Dennis The Menace every time someone said that."

Apple Bloom : " Everyone loves yer cider Mr. Jenkins. Here, we put yer share of the of the profits in this bag. "

Deadpool: " That's….so nice. You know what, keep it. I'm just glad to be walking, alive, even on these frikin hooves. "

Apple Bloom: " Are ya'll ok Mr. Jenkins?"

Deadpool: " Me? I'm fine…I just need to go..pick up some Funyuns…"

Sweetie Belle : " Umm, okay. Whatever those are."

Deadpool headed towards the train station , slightly drunk , but able to talk.

*What the LUMP DUDE?*

( Explain yourself)

Deadpool: " I honeslty can't , I just had this odd feeling that we bit of more than we can chew by coming to this universe. I mean come on. What if that Rarity chick was right and we got it all wrong? "

*Then that still leaves us with the whole kindle wood wolves or whatever , and the Cockatrice attack*

( You know the rules, if it seems like someone is out to get you , they probably are.)

Deadpool:" I get that , and believe me I'm still pissed. I guess I was just thinking out loud."

*How is that even possible *

( What would that even sound like?)

Deadpool: " Good point."

Fluttershy: " Ummm, Mr. Deadpool."

Deadpool quckly turned around to see Fluttershy standing right behind him. Yet again he was left with nothing to say. He was still convinced that the Mane 6 wanted him encased in stone up on the castle walls. How then could Fluttershy, a pony who has been nothing , but nice to him, wish such a fate on him.

Deadpool: " Yo, let me guess. They picked you to do the deed? Why is it always the silent ones that end up being the killer."

*What does that make us?*

( The "Leave em laughing" killer)

*That's the Joker you putz*

Fluttershy: " I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

Deadpool: " You know my name, I don't know how though."

Fluttershy:" I managed to bandage up the cockatrice and timber wolves that attack you…and …"

Deadpool:" Timber wolves, that's what they're called. So you send a bunch of Timber Wolves to stir the pot and send in the cockatrice to make the gravy *slow clap* beautiful. "

Fluttershy: " I'm sorry , but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying."

Deadpool: " You wouldn't be the first * Gets ready with sword* and I'm gonna make sure you're not the last ."

Fluttershy: " EEP, um, You uh .. I don't know what you think I did , but I'm sure we can resolve this be talking."

Deadpool: " Nope. In fact that was that is the first time anyone has said that to me…but it will be the …

Twilight Sparkle:" STOP, Deadpool."

Deadpool: "Oh hey book worm, come to join the party? There's still some cider for left, I made sure of it."

Twlight Sparkle: " Deadpool, I don't know what's gotten into you , but if there's one thing I know, I will never let you lay another hoof on one of my friends. Nothing you do , or say , will ever destroy the power of our friendship."

Deadpool: "Challenge accepted * takes out the last pineapple grenade in his pouch and pulls the pin* PINEAPPLE SURPRISE!

Twilight managed to summon up enough magic to power her element of harmony and send a blast towards Deadpool before he set off the grenade.

Deadpool: " AHHHHHHH, that was my last one…..huh…..Twilight , Book Worm?

Silince

Deadpool: " Who turned off the lights? Did my grenade go off? Are we in Kansas anymore?"

*No , No, and a big ol Nu-ope*

( They got us)

Deadpool: " We're stoned aren't we. "

*Yes, and not in the fun way.*


	8. Chapter 12: Back in Black, and Red too!

Thanks for the reviews ya'll, I've got one more chapter planned for Equestria, then I'm moving on to the land of Ooo.

"It's hard not to hate."

_Dr. Killebrew's Facility: Weapon X program. Department K division-Failed Experiment's_

"This place was the one of the last memories that I managed to keep in my head. A cold slab they called an operating table , that's where they spent most of their time, cutting me up just to see how long it would take for me to heal. The only comfort I felt was my own blood trickling out of my wounds, and pooling at my sides to keep me warm. I guess you can say that I was at my best then. Pain was my best friend, who let me know that could still feel anything, blood was my blanket that let me know I still had a beating heart, capable of more than just providing them another place to stick a scalpel. "

Dr. Killebrew: " How long before his blood started to clot?"

Attendent: " About 25 seconds longer than the last time."

Dr. Killebrew: " Hmm, run an blot test on his cardiac muscle. See if his F2 gene is still making thrombin. I trust you and the other faculty aren't giving him rat poison again?"

Attendent: " No sir."

Dr. Killebrew: " Then my trust has been misplaced. I'm going to get some hot cocoa, and when I return, I will expect that Mr. Wilson will be in dire need of another surgery."

Attentent.: " Of course…."

" They thought I was unconscious the whole time"

Wade:" AHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH …*huff* * huff* GAHHHHHHHH!."

" Even conscious people don't scream that loud, they knew that. These people loved to watch me suffer. Breaking my spirit every day, watching me bleed and scream, I never gave them the satisfaction of watching me cry. At the time, hate was the only emotion that made sense."

Attendent #2: " He's not responding to the ECT."

Dr. Killebrew: " *chuckle * if this were ECT then he'd be convulsing like a fish out of water. Attach the electrodes to more….soft tissue…"

Attendent #2: " Here, or *points down* there."

Dr. Killebrew: " I'd be remorse if I didn't want to know how his endocrine system would respond at this stage. Attached them to his testis and draw a couple vials of blood an hour afterwards. If the current can't pass through , increase the amperes. I don't care if they bounce back in his throat."

Wade: " *cough* *cough* didn't know *cough* you cared so much *cough.* How about I give em a dip in your hot cocoa afterwards. *cough* Hahaha , just as sweet as marshmallows and twice as soft."

: " When you are done, attach them to Mr. Wilsons tongue, don't bother sterilizing them."

Attendent #2 " With pleasure Doctor."

" It's nothing more than a balancing act. I give as much as I get. Cut off my fingers, I regrow the middle one and wave it in their faces. Slice open my eyelids, I hock a loogie and aim is as best I can in theirs. All of these have become impulsive reactions, they move 1,000 miles faster than my brain. It's a nice way to handle situations, never have to think too hard, save that for something worth my time. These idiots don't deserve encumbering my train of thought."

Guard #1: " So what's the Dead pool on this guy?"

Guard #2: " *chuckle* He's got 2-5 , the Doc takes 15%. Don't waste your money?"

Guard #1: " Jeez, his odds suck. Ya hear that in the *knowck knock *

Wade: " What did you say my odds were Ajax?"

Ajax: " 2-5 ya pin cushion."

Wade :" Put me down for $300, I'm good for it."

Ajax: " You gonna off yourself now? HAH!. Who should I send the money to then?"

Wade: " Your wife, I want to have a little fun before I die. I should get around like what, $450 if we split it. So $450 for hot passionate sloppy sex with your wife, and I'll invest the rest. That'll leave me with $440 afterwards. I'll sweeten the pot. Give me back $430. This guy looks like he doesn't mind sloppy seconds *WHACK* OWWWW!"

Ajax: " Open the cell….*click* ….*Whack * You better *whack* think twice *before mouthing off *whack* to me Wilson *whack*….what the."

"That was the moment of my rebirth. I lost my good friend pain, and my blood just felt cold as that slab of a table, couldn't tell if I was bleeding or not anymore. Not that it mattered too much. What they had given me, what they promised from the beginning, finally kicked in. I was glad I didn't bet on myself, then again who would bet on me, not to die anyway. Everything was kind of a blur after that. Guards were my first victims, the Attendants, Lab geeks, Code monkeys who labeled my pain threshold as a 13 out of 10 on the computer, to the Janitor who "saw nothing." Killebrew, the man who made me what I am today, escaped with his tail between his legs. "

"There was one thing I did see clearly after getting out. I looked back at that facility just to know where the hell I was. It was as rustic as a castle, with vine-choked pillars ,clinging for life on a gothic patterned first thought in a long time was that

* this would've been a great place for the Devil to kick back a few*

"My second."

( Kick back what , a few "Kille brews)

"That's when I started to laugh. Uncontrollably, like a pack of hyenas , my voiced echoed through the cold frozen tundra of Canada. Every inch of the building was shrouded in the blizzards mist, giving it a nice coat of white with icicles dragging down the dried out vines. "

" I knew at that time, that chaos was a necessity . Everyone needs a daily reminder of how well they have it, and how quickly they can lose it. No one is safe from the influence of chaos, no matter how altruistic you may be, no matter how many hymns you sing, no matter how many people you've saved, chaos will even everything out, leaving you with just a shred of hope that you might survive tomorrow."

"Tommorow , I made it to what I call today, and forgot what was then yesterday. From then on I lived in the present, mostly playing catch up and paying for what I did the night before, never really earning what I should be, but chances are, I'm getting what I deserve. The snow that masked the facility was probably god's doing, if there was one. As if god was ashamed that a place like that needed to exist, to let people know they could end up here, but god didn't want to have to see it. "

_?_

Deadpool: "Love hurts

Loves a cruel master,

Loves a killer,

Loves a rotten bastard"

*Hey love, Im done with you

Love will break your heart

I hate loving hating love*

(Loves a douchebag,

Love wears Ed Hardy,

Loves a member of the Tea Party)

Deadpool: "Hey love, go !#^ yourself

Love likes Nickelback,

I hate loving hating love,

Ooooohhhh, aaaahhhhh."

*Love has Ann Coulters face*

Deadpool: " Stick with the lyrics, this isn't improve night at the Apollo."

*Loves a fan of the Boston Red Sox,

Love is a white guy with dreadlocks,

Hey, love I cant believe,

You like Nickelback*

(I hate loving hating love

I la la la la la la la la

I la la la la la la la la la la)

Deadpool: " Loves a….

*CRACKLE*

Deadpool: " What the heck?"

Light penetrated Deadpool's stone prison. Cracks spread quickly like falling dominos. Only a few muffled voices could be heard. Hopefully they belonged to certain Ponies he knew. Deadpool grew tired of waiting, patience was not one of his virtues, but he made up for it with moxy and a penchant of over acting.

Deadpool: " By the power of Grayskull *SMASH* I HAVE THE POOOOOOWWWWERRRRRRRRRR!"

Deadpool found himself in the baggage cart. Apparently he had been taken in by Twilight Sparkle after she had turned him to stone. Chances are that he was heading straight for Canterlot, and getting a more permanent residence.

Deadpool: " Let me guess, nobody saw that?"

*Guess not, but why are you complaining*

Deadpool: " Don't be hating on classic 80's animation."

(We've been singing Steven Lynch songs for crap knows how long, enjoy the fact that we escaped)

Deadpool: " How did we escape, was it my healing factor?"

*Probably thought we had a lethal case of dry skin*

Deadpool: " Regardless, hmm…hello, heh these guys actually have a newspaper*opens paper*"

*1. How do they type 2. Equestria was like the red headed step child of "Golden Girls" and "Mr. Ed" before we came along, so what could possibly be interesting enough to keep a newspaper circulating?*

( It's probably free , filled with vague horoscopes and quotes from dead….pony versions…of famous people….that didn't make any sense)

Deadpool:" *skim* *skim* " Well butter my butt and call me butt!"

*was that English?*

Deadpool: " Check this out."

_Mysterious Disease Plagues Equestria_

A new disease has been spreading across Equestria like wild fire. No less than a week ago, Manehattan was the first reported location of the outbreak. Ponies were experiencing fatigue and abnormal breathing patterns during what local physicians had labeled "harmless outbreak," even though this quotes was taken at Manehatten Medical, with a waiting line that started a few blocks away from the hospital doors. Anti-biotic medication left ponies feeling safe, however, no more than a day later everypony who was admitted in addition to being medicated, started showing symptoms of acute abdominal pain and Gastrointestinal Tract Inflammation. Symptoms from dehydration to vomiting have been reported.

The treatment of one young pony, Featherweight led to an amazing discover. Apparently Mr. Featherweight had regurgitated an unknown mass after consuming a new protein powder product. Samples were taken to Manehattan Medical to be examined. Surprising results were concluded just after lab techs had set up their microscopes with the sample. "As soon as I looked through the lens, I could see cells being destroy. I assumed it was because it left its host so I assumed it was a parasite, then the same cells started to regenerate and continue to move. It wasn't until the mass had dehydrated that it was final neutralized. Then we discovered the same mass in other ponies. Once they had regurgitated the mass, symptoms started to subside. So at this point I can safely conclude that it induced vomiting would be the only cure at this point . Also the mass was in fact the point of origin." That was the Chief Gastroenterologist at Manehattan Mad.

We also discovered another outbreak in Ponyville. During the local Cider Harvest , ponies reported a night of consuming cider and woke up to symptoms that were similar to the Manehattan incident. Although symptoms were similar , the duration was only a few hours when the onset began which apparently was seconds after awakening. Physicians are still interviewing the townsfolk in order to collect data on how the symptoms subsided , with only a few reports of vomiting.

At this point we can only assume that the parasite in question can be transmitted through water and humid environments.

*HAH , Or by train at this point*

( Congradulations, they think we're a parasite)

Deadpool: " and what's wrong with that? Parasites have it easy. Rent free room, continues supply of food, and their only goal is to reproduce….heh, we brought a piece of the human lifestyle to Eauestria , BOOYA!

*Pat yourself on the back later, can we get off this train?*

(This scapegoat gotta scape, NOW)

Deadpool had searched the entire luggage car, sadly their wasn't a bathroom in those quarters, so the old "loophole" plan was not an option. Stepping on suitcases, back packs, and duffle bags only made things worse. The only choice was to break the lock on the car entrance and hope no one saw or heard anything. After nearly loseing his leg to the quick sand like collection of bags, Deadpool made it to the door. He burst through the window with his right hoof and lifted the pin that held the door in place.

Deadpool."* opens door* Heh, it's night time , I guess that means a day has passed."

*Or the newspaper is made from psychic paper and told us the news about tomorrow today*

Deadpool:" I think spending all that time with me in my own head made you a little paranoid, but I won't be going through that again."

The window to the next car was small, but easy to detect something moving on the other side if one were so inclined. Making sure the cost was clear Deadpool pressed up against the left side of the door and peaked through….So far so good, then the right….

Deadpool: " Oh S* T, "

*Have we been spotted*

( ! )

*No sound effect, bummer*

Deadpool:" It's the mane pain in the membrane. *checks again* All six of them."

*ARRGH*

( Can't go off wither side, Guess we gotta go out the back)

Deadpool: " Heh, good thing they sick ponies don't have to resort to that option"

*Burn*

( I imagine it would burn )

*Burning Wood :P *

Deadpool had found the ladder to go on the roof of the train, but stopped mid rung when he saw Rarity being comforted by her friends. Her make up ran down her face, so she was obviously crying.

Deadpool: " Dammit, why can't magic users stick to a wand in this crap-tastic Harry Potter World. It's as if J.K. Rowling tripped out on acid and actually came up with something good. "

*Hmm, how would they hold it*

(Even if they tied it to their horns, you'd still have to cut it off)

Deadpool: " But dude, she's crying. I didn't even have to take my mask off. "

*And what, you gonna go over there and apologize*

( I know how that would go)

*" I'm soo sorry Rarity for cutting off your horn like that. I should have just taken every single blast from you cause I likes the color purple"*

("Oh, it's fine darling, I understand completely. You had to put a B %^CH in her place")

*"Here take my horn"*

( "Thank you D.P. , It's small enough to fit in my *BONK* OWWWWWW")

Deadpool: " You two , zip IT! I will pull this train over if I have to. Oh I'll take out the conductor and tip us over like a cow during Hell Week at Delta Chi.

Rarity: " *sniff* What was that, "

*"It's MEEE Rarity, you boy toy love monkey who's " Horn-y" enough for the both*"

Deadpool: " CRAP, UP UP UP."

Luckily Deadpool managed to get to the top of the train. Now all he had to do was…..

Deadpool:" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Let the wind take him down a notch. He ended up landing on his back on one of the tracks, then skidded and bounced a few times before stopping.

Deadpool: " Why? Why?"

*Why , the wind you igit*

(Didn't you see that one episode of Archer?)

Deadpool: " No , but I saw the latest Wolverine Origins Movie, and stumpy made hopping trains look like a breeze."

*Actually*

Deadpool:"Don't say it, I got it…breeze….breeze, hold on.?"

Deadpool had stuff the newspaper in one of his pouches. He pulled back out after he recognized something in one of the articles.

_Breezie Migration Starts_

Deadpool: " Uh huh* skiming * uh huh, HAH we're back in business boys. I got us a doosy."

*The breezies, hmm, says that they spread pollen around….didn't we get in trouble for that?*

(No, however their migration stimulates the growth of new plant life)

Deadpool: " Glorified bees ….with no stinger, He HEh , this is gonns be good."

*Scape now?*

(To Scape or not to scape)

Deadpool: "To the sweat drop down in fall, TO ALL SCAPE SCAPE SCAPE SCAPE."

*So that's why we kept saying scape instead of escape*

(Any excuse to sing Lil John)

Deadpool was on the trail to chaos again, but he knew he had a limited amount of time now that the mane 6 weren't separated. Plus one pony in particular had to feed her curiosity and check what the source of the noise was. She opened the car door only to discover the latch pulled, window broken and the other door flapping in the wind. 

Twilight Sparkle: " DEEEAAAAADDDPPPPOOOOOOOLLLLL!"

_Further down the track _

Deadpool:" Hold it, what was that just a second agi?"

*Sounded like a truck backfiring *

( Indeed)

Deadpool: " Ah, I knew that sounded fam….*ACHOO* not this crap again. "

_Canterlot 3 hours after deadpool escaped …again._

The courtyard was one of Princess Celestia pleasure. She had a table set up in the garden with a one chair. Tea had been served to the Princess, to which she sipped from her cup while gazing at what would be a site to behold once the flowers are in bloom this season. Her servants departed as she instructed, at this point she was by herself, but she was eying the entire garden as if someone was late, or she was expecting someone and didn't notice. Then a cold breeze wafted over her table, which then turned in a heavy gust, finally a light blue smoke. The Princess used her magic to hold the tea and tea set in place, because at that point she knew her guest had arrived, and wanted to be a gracious host, regardless of who showed.

Princess Celestia: " I thought you might like Darjeeling tea, I'm afraid I'm all out of Oolong, that isn't a problem is it …"

Eris." That's perfectly fine, I do enjoy a good black tea, and it's Eris. Might I ask the name of my host."

Princess Celestia: " Princess Celestia, It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Please have a seat."

Eris: " So modest , *sits* but I've dealt with princes and princesses in the past. So far you're the most civil *sips tea.*"

Princess Celestia: " I'll take that as a complement *sip.*

Eris: " Actually you shouldn't , modesty sugar coats the subject material *grabs cu* *Crush* and not one to be handled by lesser beings.

Princess Celestia: *still calm and collected *" Very well then. As I have been informed, Deadpool has escaped from my constituents for the second time. My student Princess Twilight Sparkle had him turned to stone and was transporting him here. Somehow he escaped, and I know he does not possess any kind of magic. I also know that it takes magic to dispel magic. Do you understand?"

Eris: " Guilty. You see, Deadpool is very special to me. He was born, raised , and rebirthed from chaos. This is why I chose him first."

Princess Celestia: " First? That would imply there's more than one."

Eris: " I would concentrate on your own kingdom Princess. "

Princess: " Why our kingdom?"

Eris: " Haven't you guessed by now?"

Princess Celestia: " We made assumptions, but I'd."

Eris: " Rather hear it from the Horses mouth? *chuckle*"

Princess Celestia: " If that idiom suits you, then yes."

Eris: " Deadpool*sigh* it's thanks to him I'm able to visit this world, and believe me , you had it coming. Chaos came before order, before stars and planets were formed. Naturally an opposition had to be created , so harmony was created afterwards. You can't have one without the other princess. No matter how you rationalize it, chaos will exist. The more you try to extinguish it, the more I take notice. Equestria stuck out like , well, like your horn. I don't know where you get the gusto out of trying to disrupt the absolute. "

Princess Celestia: " And I don't know where you find it necessary to use my student and her friends as a scapegoat by manipulating Timberwolves and Cockatrice."

Eris: " You figured it out*sigh* Deadpool is already a perfect agent of chaos. The last thing he needs is to do is have you entourage of harmony trick him into a friendship. "

Princess Celestia: "They were not trying to trick him. They saw that there was a little good in him, all they wanted was a chance make a new friend *sip* simple as that."

Eris: " *back hands tea pot * and I'm sure that once they know the real Deadpool and what he's done in the past , they'll throw him a party won't they?"

Princess Celestia: " Knowing Pinkie Pie…..Yes."

Eris: " Deadpool is evil incarnate, humans did their best to make it that way."

Princess Celestia: " The way I see it, there's a little good and evil in all of us, they're just trying to restore balance , like you *sip* can't have evil without good."

Eris: "Rationalize it any way you like, twist my words, it'll make my victory sweeter."

As dark clouds covered Celestia's sun, lighting struck , wind blew hard enough to give leafs a razor edge, and an aura of magic came to envelop it's controller. Eris, at this point, questioned where it came from.

Princess Celestia: " Did I give you the impression that I'm just another Princess you encountered? Like I said , There's good and evil in everyone. Deadpool's antics may have given you enough power to invade my kingdom, but I know that you're not at your best. You see I have a little evil inside me as well, and don't think for a second that I'm above fighting you while you're weak. Get out of my kingdom."

Eris:" This has turned out to be very educational day. Fine, I'll pick up my toy as soon as he's finished playing. Tah"

With Eris gone, the bellows from the thunder eased into silence while the Sun returned to its former Glory.

_Entrance to the Breezies Home World_

Deadpool: " Oh look, *peaks in the hollow* I guess Tinker bell and her friends became anorexic Norwegian models , skinny enough to live, but only strong enough to pick up pollen."

*OOOh here they come , get ready*

The breezies were on their way. Each one passed through the portal in the hollowed mountain that contained it. There hopes are to pollenate the flowers and greenery that blanketed Equestria, and then return home as safely as possible. They're returning soon then they think. Seebreeze, the leader of the group , was finding it hard to see, as the cave opening appeared to be blocked by something, or in this case, somepony."

Seebreeze: " Det Som pokker (what the heck)"

Deadpool:" POOOOOOOOO ROOOO DAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

FAAAAAAAAAART!

If they still designed pinball machines after television shows, MLP would look like this..minus the smell. Every Breezie was a pinball, bouncing around each other while trying to stay afloat. The biggest problem was that some breezies were throwing up in combination with the fart induced vertigo and smell.

Deadpool: " HAAHAHAHA! Hey, maybe you guys will lose a couple of more pounds now, or do you Tinker rejects use the metric system. "

Seebreeze : "FANDEN (The Devil)!"

Deadpool: " What…*hoof to ear* How'd you know about my black D )K!?"

_Crystal Empire _3 days later _

A certain someone, who isn't the people's favortite wall crawler, had a hard time climbing the shimmering walls of the Crystal Empire Castle .

Deadpool: " Writer , Bro, I'm gonna need you to shut up for the rest of this scene. You're throwing me off my game, and while I like the idea of blood and guts reflecting off every frikin building of this giant antique shop of a town , I don't want it to be mine."

Writer: " Then who's going to provide the…"

*Goctha covered dude, duck out and have a latte*

(Get me one too, does caffeine exist here?)

Deadpool: " Maybe from tea* pulls rope* Jeez *huff* maybe we should *Puff* *Pulls rope* add that to out Equestrian bucket list"

*Ok, 2 things though, are they really called "Equestrians, " cause that would mean they ride horses? *

Deadpool:" Woah *nearly slips* *pulls faster* so now that the writer is having his caffeinated goodness beverage, you're the new stickler and grammar nazi?"

*Point taken, 2. How are you gripping *

Deadpool:" That's easy I ….I …AHHHHHHHHHHH"

*AHHHHHHHH*

(WIIIILLLLLLMMMMMMAAAAAAA)

Deadpool: " HAHAHAAAAAH, that was too easy , see *pulls* what I did there, it looked like I was falling form the text, but I wasn't."  
*…*

( I think I peed myself)

Deadpool: " DUDE!, huh, WOW! Guys I made it to a window, check it out."

*I'm not talking to you*

(Now that , that butt must be the original shape of a heart symbol , screw 3)

*What, Is that true*

Deadpool: " Yes and I don't care, just enjoy the show boys."

*The readers might like to know what you're starring at dude*

Deadpool: " sure, pony coated pony , Purple, violet , and light yellow hair/tail, wings , horn, blue crystal tramp stamp. That's it."

(Sorry , no clopping)

Deadpool: " Tell ya what I'm gonna do, gonna pull a Ginuwine "

*don't say it*

Deadpool:" Make her"

*SHH Get back in the game*

Deadpool: " RIDE MY PONY!"

**Facepalm**

(Your little Pony)

Cadence: " What? YOU!*points at Deadpool, duh* you better explain yourself before I call my guards."

Deadpool: " Wasn't really looking for an audience, but when in Rome?"

(Do the Romans)

*Giggity*

Deadpool: " I'm a performer"

Cadence: " Oh, Is that why you wear a mask?"

Deadpool: " We all wear masks. Life creates them and forces us to find one that fits."

*Oh no, dude, don't*

(He's quoting V for Vendetta again)

*Hugo Weaving is a player though*

Deadpool: "Tell me, Miss?"

Cadence: " Princess Cadence."

*ANOTHER FRIKIN PRINCESS!*

(Equestrian royalty must mate like locusts)

Deadpool: "Princess, what good is an actor that plays his part to an empty theatre?

Cadence: I'm not to sure

*She's butchering her lines *

Deadpool: " Nor do I, *steps out of V for a sec* I require the use of your tower, I'm testing the acoustics of the city, and I don't want my voice to alarm anyone not participating."

Cadence: " I suppose so, but you could've just asked instead climbing."

Deadpool:" Oh…."

_Crystal Empire Castle Roof _

*Really hate heights*

Cadence: " I didn't get your name."

Deadpool: " Peter Parker, I know the double P is weird"

(Don't say pee, I just put on a new pair of pants)

Cadence: "So I'm assuming this is an adequate height?"

Deadpool: " Yes, can you hear it?"

Cadence: " Hear what? I don't hear a thing."

Deadpool: " Listen Very Carefully"

*3 to 1 odds it doesn't happen*

( 5 to 1)

*2 to 5,*

(Now you're being disrespectful)

*Grrr, 5 to 1. Fine*

(Come on buddy, you had a few days to practice)

*You have too many voices for this to work,*

Deadpool: " *Pulls out a bullhorn from his pouch* Ahem *inhales deeply * pppppeeeeeeeNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

*it's not working*

(Give it time)

Deadpool: " IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII..

Crack

*Oh no*

( YEAH, That's my boy)

crack, crackle, crack …you get the idea

Writer: "Ok, I'm back"

From windows, to whole building , and glassware. Everything that was enveloped in Deadpool's vocals in the Crystal Empire was crack on some level. Crystal Ponies were unaffected, living crystal creatures apparently can't crack.

Deadpool:" IIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Whooo, few. One of my best. Your turn Princess,"

Cadence: " YOU IDIOT * summons magic* "

Deadpool: " Fine, calling me an idiot then. I'll just assume that you don't know how to play "shout an funny word as loud as you can tolerate embarrassment game. Laterz * teleport*"

Cadence: " Was that the pony the one Princess Celestia warned me about? Guards , I'm going to need my chariot, we're heading for Canterlot. " 

Deadpool: " Bet you forgot I could do that? "

Cadence: " GET OFF OF ME!"

Deadpool: " _I'm just a bachelor, I'm looking for a partner!"_

Cadence summons all of her, well anger at this moment, and bucks Deadpool off the roof

Deadpool: "*_while falling* Ride it, My Pony ,My saddle's waiting_…..*teleport*

_Cloudsdale 5 Days Later_

Rainbow Dash: I can't believe it , how is this pony travelling?"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had been ask to set up search party in order to find Deadpool. Even the Wonderbolts were under here command. When she was given the authority over them, she clearly didn't go complete fangirl with her usual "ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh" in rapid fire timing. Speaking of which ,she was meeting one of them outside near the rain reservoir.

Rainbow Dash: " Captain Soarin, what do you have to report?"

Soarin:" *wing salute* Ma'am so far our squadron have detected no signs of Deadpool."

Rainbow Dash's Head* Oh my gosh , he just recognized me authority gave me a salute. Best moment EVER!*

Rainbow Dash: " You did your best, that's all anyone can ask for, go back to your post until Spitfire returns."

Soarin: " Yes Ma'am! *Dash*"

Fluttershy: " Umm, ma'am , I mean Rainbow Dash, I mean Sir."

Rainbow Dash: " Fluttershy it's cool, just becase the Wonderbolts, including Captain Spitfire, work directly under me for now, doesn't mean that…..wait .Sir?"

Fluttershy: " Sorry ,that came out wrong. As I was attempting to say, the animals in the Everfree Forest haven't been able to find him, they can't even track his sent. "

Rainbow Dash: " Don't worry Fluttershy, I've got all of Equestria covered. *grabs bullhorn* ATTENTION,

Nearly everyone in Cloudsdale focused their attention on Rainbow Dash: I know that we hit a bad break in the last couple of days, yet I consider myself the luckiest pony in the Equestria. Who wouldn't consider working with the Wonder Bolts, Princess Celestia, *grabs Fluttershy* Fearless Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy: " I might reconsider."

Rainbow Dash: " Sure I'm lucky , when you have a group of record setting flyers , it's an honor. When you have the honor of working for Equestrian Royalty, that my friends is something. Friends, heh, when you have the power of FRIENDSHIP, THAT IS A BLESSING!

CHEERS!

Soarin: " YEAH!"

Bulk Biceps:" YEAH!"

Rainbow Dash:" YEAH!"

Deadpool: " woot….seriously no takers? Figures. Yet again I'm the non conformist. "

Rainbow Dash and every other pony had their eyes set on their target. Deadpool…in the Rain Water Resevior.

Rainbow Dash: " HOW DID YOU GET HERE YOU SPAZ?

Deadpool: " Yeah, about that*while swimming on his back* I actual found this girl, ummm* snaps fingers* Trixie, that's here name. Anyway I got her to cast a spell on me, I ended up with wings, saw you guys had a giant pool so I thought I'd chill a bit, oh FWI, If you see her: I was not here. You wouldn't believe what I had to promise her to get to CloudsD….Da DALE HAHHAAHH. It gets funnier every time I say it. "

Rainbow Dash: " When did you get here? I've had teams covering every inch of Equestria.

Deadpool" I know, I got here about the same time you sent them out, that was like 4 days ago. Just a little advice, never leave home base unguarded. That's just my opinion , for all I know you can take on a whole army behind that desk of yours. "

Rainbow Dash: " You have no Idea the trouble you've caused Deadpool."

Deadpool: " Hehe, Deadpool in a pool"

Rainbow Dash: " THAT'S NOT A POOL YOU IDIOT! That's our supply of rain water you just swam in"

Deadpool: " I didn't just swim in there either, can't find a bathroom on this Mo Foing mushroom cloud, am I right guys…..I mean it's mostly females here, which I'm totally cool with, but don't be surprised if you find me in the ladies room with a newspaper bringing in a brand new smell."

Rainbow Dash: " GET HIM."

click BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

A huge explosion just went off in the Resevior just a few feet from Deadpool.

Fluttershy: " Oh Gosh, are you ok in there?"

Deadpool: " I'm *Cough* peachy keen jelly bean."

Rainbow Dash: " What did you just do?"

Deadpool: " Jeezum crow you guys ask a lot of questions , used my last grenade is what I did. "

Suddenly a small whirl pool developed where Deadpool set his grenade, and it was taking him to the center as well.

Deadpool: " Ok Seriously though, that was * swim* *Swim* not me *Swim* OH CRAP, THATWASN'TME FARTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGgggggggg…"

The grenade made a small whole at the bottom of the Reservoir. It's not really surprising it had that effect. The only thing holding the water in place were clouds.


	9. Chapter 13 : Beauty and the Merc?

Ok, this will be the last chapter for Deadpool/MLP. However, if you request additional ones added and keep DP in MLP a little while longer , I can always find a way to squeeze that in.

When we last left Deadpool, he was on a chaotic spree ranking up a substantial amount brownie points with the vivacious goddess Eris. From the Crystal Empire, to the breezies cave, and now he ended up in Cloudsdale. The mane six were on a pony hunt for Deadpool, well with the exception of 1, Rarity, who has felt nothing but emptiness and impotence. Her horn had been cut off by Deadpool during their encounter in Manehatten. So 5 of the mane 6 worked tirelessly to find our favorite merc. However, Deadpool was actually in Cloudsdale for about 5 days after Trixie gave him temporary wings. After he revieled himself, he set his last grenade in the Rain Reservoir( used to make rain, :P ) and made a gigantic hole where the water was now draining , along with Deadpool.

_Cloudsdale_

*HOLY CRAP, LOOK LOOK LOOK*

Deadpool attention was detained, focusing on the fact he's falling without a parachute. During his time in Jump City, he went through the same situation, but ended up in the Hostpital.

Deadpool: " Umm…..hit pause on that….I think we might be screwed on this one."

(Couldn't we have Double Jumped?)

Deadpool: " DAHH, Dammit. I forgot about double jumping. That's the first thing you forget when screwing around with a new fighting game."

(It would have been nice to get a manueal with it, when they stop making them)

*They stopped dishing those out years ago, there , $60 bucks and no manual , GET OVER IT AND LOOK*

Glistening in the sunset, tranquil, visually sedative, there was a huge rainbow , formed from the water dispersing in the air.

Deadpool:" Huh, didn't plan on that…she might be pissed. "

*Who? Eris?*

(Actually I bet even money it would be her)

Parallel from Deadpool was Raibow Dash, gritting her teeth while dive bombing towards the ground at around the same rate as deadpool. She was moving fast enough for her trade mark rainbow stream to be seen.

Deadpool:" HEY SKITTLES….CHECK THIS OUT….MY RAINBOW MAKES YOUR LOOK LIKE A FLAG AT A GAY PRIDE PARADE…..HEY….I'M SAYING YOUR RAINBOW SUCKS…I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED , BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT THIS IS COOL. OH FINE….JUST FALL AND POUT oh wait she can't hear me, frikin movie myth. Saban is going to get an angry letter about the first scene in that power ranger movie."

*You're still going on about that?*

( Fellas, she's going faster…..and it looks like she's powering up)

Deadpool: " What kind, Anime Power up , Barrel of a gun power up , did she eat a bean burrito and can't hold it?

Rainbow Dash, well…she was mad enough to where her blind rage took over. Then without a warning , she busted with a final speed boost, and created another trade mark technique, The Sonic Rainboom. It was timed perfectly for Deadpool to fall into, and get hit with the recoil. Instead of falling, he was now heading parallel to the ground, gliding , slowly descending.

_Ponyville_CMC Treehouse _

Applebloom: " Taint fare! "

Sweetie Belle: " It'll eventually grow back, in a year..till then she might have to close the shop."

Scootalooo: " Unbelievable. The most generous pony in Equestria gets her horn lopped of, while the rest of her friends ended getting sick, a boo boo from a dumpster, and Twlight is just annoyed. How come he didn't do anything to her, she's the princess?"

(CRASH)

Deadpool:" *cough* Ok *cough* let's call it a draw. Well *cough* skittles."

POW

Deadpool:" OWw, oh hey girls *still laying down looking up* I'm guessing this is *cough* Ponyville, hit me if I'm right."

KABIFF

Deadpool:" Cool, I knew that was coming, so I might as well give it a job"

KABIFF

Deadpool:" OWWW, are you agreeing , or am I gonna end up in the hostiptal again?"

*Out of the frying pan…..*

(And into the…)

Appleoom: " CUTTIE MARK CRUSADERS ATTACK"

(…crusades?)

Deadpool: *whisper*is my spine back where I left it."

*Eeyup*

(I'm getting tired of that)

Even though they were just fillies, they got the same treatment as everyone else. Deadpool reached back with his head and pulled out his remaining katana in a defense position.

Deadpool:" Now that I have your full attention, well the katana speaks for itself… *ear to katana* what's that now …uh huh….uh huh…Mr. Pointy Thing would like you to stop staring at him when he's naked….and uh..oh yeah,….. BACK OFF!"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders eyes grew wide with fear, anxiety, and dread. Already the worst case scenario is dancing in their heads. None of the girls have experienced any endeavors that the mane 6 have, now all of a sudden their valor is being tested.

Sweetie Belle: " Nnn.. ..NO!"

Deadpool:" Deadpony says what?"

*what?*

(what?, ohhhhh, literally Deadpony. Not the clever name they gave us on deviant art)

Sweetie Belle:" After what you did to my sister…..to everypony….."

Deadpool:" You'll have to be more specific. "

Sweetie Belle: " RARITY. *starts crying* you cut off her horn*sniff, wipes nose* and now she won't stop crying , she won't eat, she can't even work because she can't control her magic,*sniff*."

Deadpool:" Ohhh, listen, I don't have to explain my actions to you girls. This is grown up "business "and while a may act like a deviant kid, I'm an adult."

*Good thing you're wearing that mask*

( A lie that poker players could see a mile away)

Deadpool: " So let's just leave the grown up business to the grown ups before you meet the business end of Mr . Pointy Thing. "

Sweetie Belle:" I'm not moving!"

Applebloom:" After all dat yammerin bout cider, then I come to find out you done hit my sister with a dumpster. You ain't getting out a this one. I'm staying right here"

Scootaloo:" The whole town felt awful the day after you set up that party. Not to mention Rainbow Dash couldn't believe she let you slip through her hooves. I'm finishing what she started.

Deadpool:" Dems fightin words…ok, before this goes down, can I give you my end of this proverbial crap storm I just went through. Applebloom, did your sister tell you that she hit me with a whole dumpster first?

Applebloom:" She wouldn't of don nuthin ifin you just put away yur sword..

Deadpool :" Mr. Pointy Thing."

Applebloom:" IT DON'T MATTER"

Deadpool:" I give little miss Mott's apple sauce a scare bear stare , and that equals dumpster, heh. I've really out done myself. AND YOU, Scootaloo, forget that I just rymed and give a listen. Where I'm from , we drink that stuff all the time, sadly one of the side effects is what they just went through. Don't blame me for a hangover. If you wanna play ya gotta pay."

Scootaloo:" Hangover what?"

Deadpool:" Ahh, so young, so innocent. It's better you don't find out. Finally , Sweetie belle, she's lucky to be alive right now. The one thing that was repeated through my drill sergeant's mouth back when I was a soldier, was verbal diarriea , but that's beside the point. *clears throught* Disarm your opponent , and chances are they have nothing to fall back on. She took out her weapon, which in my book, doesn't mean "give me a kiss and a hickey,"

*If that were true , Domino and Outlaw would be covered in them. We could play connect the dots on them with chocolate syrup!*

( XD)

Deadpool:"….it means she want to do me harm. Yeah, I cut off her horn , sue me. It'll grow back so what are gabbing about?"

Sweetie Belle:" You don't know a thing about unicorns do you? She can't use her magic to do anything. Now she has to learn how to do everything like an earth pony, but the worst part is that she won't be able to make dresses like she use to.

Deadpool:" Cry my a river and drowned in it. I got news for ya, usually I just screw around with people's heads like Bugs Bunny did with the Opera singer. My convictions gave me a pimp smack on my butt when I found out that they were taking me to be turned to stone. Not buried up to my neck in the ground and pelted with rock, not even a new pair of Italian cement shoes, but …stone …cold…statue. Only thing I had to look forward to was taking off my mask right before they did it. I could flipped them the bird, but I'm lacking in said bird, index , pinky , and the almighty thumb. I don't think so, Noope!

Sweetie Belle: " Are you out of your mind?"

Deadpool: " Totally!"

Applebloom:" All we done is welcome you in like the gentle colt we thought you were. We let you in our home, treated you like family. I aint just talkin bout us. Everypony! "

Scootaloo:" Do you even have proof?"

Deadpool:" A cackle of cockatrice came and tried turn me into stone, no sooner than when I escaped the train (for the first time) after hearing your sister and Twilight talk about it. "

Scootaloo:" And? 

Deadpool:" And what, you know how rare it is to see that many cockatrice in one flock. In Final fantasy you get 3 at the most, then again they only had three slots for enemies at that time, then 9 came out and gave the monsters a frikin +1 invite to the party. "

Sweetie Belle:" Do you think Princess Celestia has a garden filled with colts like you?"

Deadpool: " umm, I'm gonna say yes, but chances are you'll say no , and I'll come back with a retort."

Scootaloo:" So you just pictured the worst case scenario and went with it. I feel sorry for you.

Deadpool:" I….wait….I can't trust…..

Sweetie Belle:" If you're a grown up then take some responsibility, YOU JERK!

_DEADPOOL'S HEAD_

" YOU PSYCHO"

" NUT JOB"  
" DAMMIT WADE"

"DON'T SAY A F#)* ING THING WILSON"

"WE AIN'T AND NEVER WILL BE TEAMATES."

"THIS GUY TASTES AWFUL"

"DISGUSTING"

Deadpool:" …..*sheaths sword, Pulls out something from his pouch* ….I didn't want to have to use this, but you've given me no choice. This is an Mk2 grenade. I pull this pin *Pull* and it will explode, sending bits of metal pieces everywhere, slicing anything within a 6 foot radius, but as long as I'm holding this little handle like thingy , it won't go off. Do I have to explain it any further?"

The girls were told about Deadpool's healing factor. They knew if he dropped it, he would survive. The only choice they had was to step aside and let him go. Deadpool stepped around the Crusaders , still locked on to their eyes. He made it to the door, and dropped it, fleeing down the ladder.

Cutie Mark Crusaders:" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…."

Deadpool:" *outside* SORRY TO DISAPOINT YOU, BUT YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES AND STOP HUGGING EACH OTHER. "

Appleblooom: " Wha wha wha *heart beating rapidly* *Looks down* apples?"

Deadpool: " I KNOW THEIR NOT PINAPPLES , BUT IT COULD OBVIOUSLY BE WORSE."

*True , they could have been F )*ING pomegranates*

( Or pears, I HATE PEARS!) 

Deadpool ran as fast as he could to get away from the little hell raisers.

*Wouldn't it just suck if they all got like, drama masks for cutie marks after that?*

( Or ones of an actual grenade, they don't exist here so it'll drive them, frikin crazy)

Deadpool:" We gotta make a few stops first, then we go all Oceans 13."

*Oceans 13 where exactly*

Deadpool:" Canterlot"

*WHAT?*

Deadpool:" Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"

( What are you going on about?)

Deadpool:" ATTICA!"

*Oh, Al Pacino*

_Ponyville Hospital_-

Dr Stable:" Nurse Redheart, did we get the lab results back from everyone who was affected by that hole cider incident."

Nurse Redheart: " Yes Dr. They should be ready within the hour. It's a master sheet of every patient treated so hopefully the anomalies will be clear. "

Dr Stable:" Thank you Nurse Redheart."

The Cider Harvest "party" brought nearly everypony in Ponyville seeking medical attention. Hangovers, were not something they were or even could be accustomed to since alcohol didn't exist, not up until now that is. Dr. Stable thought that the link between what happened in Manehattan, and possibly what made the breezies sick, is linked to whatever happened in Ponyville. He did have other patients to see in addition to the "epidemic," so he made his way to his next patient's room.

Dr. Stable:" Ok Mr…um *looks at chart* Big Willy Johnson."

Deadpool:" That's *points down south* his name, don't wear it out or I'll make you prescribe me Viagra."

Dr. Stable:" For the love of Celestia, what do you want."

Deadpool:" To reach in your pockets and grab something *gets up*"

Dr Stable: STAY BACK… NOOOOOOO!

_Outside Carousel Boutique _

Deadpool:" Guy throws a hissy fit just cause I wanted some swabs and*looks at swabs* HAH, They have isopropyl ALCOHOL swabs , but not booze.

*The stuff that can you*

( Versus the stuff that focuses on your liver)

Deadpool: " *takes out syringe* I know right, I did them a favor *jabs syringe in leg* Owwwie*cries*.

*You're still afraid of needles? *

( Even after a whole night of continuously cutting off your regenerating leg?)

Deadpool" *pulls plunger* Well , come on dude. You can't block a needle. Even if you tried , you're stick your arms up. The guy trying to stab you would be like "Thanks, made my job easier."

*Whatever ,just get this over with*

Even though night had settles, Deadpool remained in the shadows…..and or bushes. Hiding in one of Rarity's bushes….*snicker* Deadpool started to climb up Rariy's shop to make it to her window.

Deadpool:" Knowing her , she's in bed with an industrial family size tub of ice cream."

Knock Knock

*I don't know why you keep knocking on windows but plow through doors. *

( Both makes you seem like a rapist, although a knock on the window sounds more romantic…..did I just say that)

Rarity:"*sniff* what was that? Opalescence did you make your way outside again? *opens window*

Deadpool: " Shhhh *swabs neck* *jabs syringe in subclavian vein* You've just been upgraded from "Drama Queen" to the mayor of "I told you so town,"you're welcome!"

Rarity:" What did you just inject me with you BRUTE?!" 

Deadpool:" Let's see, it could be a neurotoxin from the fugu fish, TTX, in which case you'll be paralyzed within 30 minutes…

Rarity: " Oh…what….I'm *grabs fainting couch* "

Deadpool:" But I drew the short straw so chances are it could be a lethal does of Potassium Chloride ..

Rarity:" OH MY…*grabs couch*

Deadpool:" But I called heads so….you might be looking at radioactive spider venom , so you'll end up having spider powers , fall in love with a red head, get C )K blocked everytime a bad guy pops up…

Rarity:" I CAN'T BE…*grabs couch* wait what?"

Deadpool:" Then it hit me, today is Tuesday, plus I'd never wish that on anybody. "

Rarity:" *DEATHGLARE**grabs Deadpool* IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU JUST VIOLATED MY BODY WITH, I'LL HAVE OPALESCENCE USE YOU AS A SCRATCHING POST TILL MY HORN GROWS BACK."

Deadpool: " Oh well that's good, cause it's not gonna take too long, *pokes horn*"

Rarity:" Oww, WHY YOU"

Deadpool:" My word*British accent* is that a pimple on your forehead?"

Rarity:" EEEEP *Dashes to nearest mirror* I don't see…Oh my Celestia…my horn"

Deadpool:" Is that what that was? I thought it was a white head in a KKK hat."

Rarity:" I don't believe it *starts crying…happy tears* this is unbelievable!"

Deadpool:" Luckily I'm not a grammar Nazi Ms Redundant. "

Rarity:" Is hat what you injected me with, some kind of healing potion."

Deadpool:" Nope, I gave you my blood. You're lucky I'm type O, and a pony. That "healing magic " you guys coined me with. It's not magic, it's a curse. Just because I can heal from anything doesn't mean I can't feel the pain. Honestly I'm the only person who can tell you how it feels to have your head blown off."

Rarity:" mmhmm, well your curse can't be all bad. You got to wrong a mistake you made."

Deadpool:" Mistake, possibly, but not confirmed. I did this this so your sister and her apple bucking friend didn't kick me again. "

Rarity:" *chuckle, sniff* It's just like Sweetie Belle to go out of her way and help others. To be honest I'm simply flabbergasted she didn't tie you up. "

Deadpool:" Threatened her with a bomb, well not a bomb per say, it was an apple, BUT …for all she knew it was a radioactive zombie making tomato powered explosive device, ON FIRE!"

Rarity:" *chuckle* I had you wrong…Wade… my life was taking a turn for the worst….and you brought me back laughing. I don't know why you chose to gallivant around Equestria causing cacophony like tones and rigmarole, but can see you have a good reason, Celstia knows why, but a good one none the less."

Deadpool:" I understood a few of those words then I nodded off, but for all you know, I could just be doing this for fun."

Rarity:" I have an eye for detail Wade, nothing gets by me."

She looked again at his eyes. The eyes of a man (pony) who has seen the worst in people and experience all their hate. A soul that Celestia probably couldn't save.

Deapool:" I uh….have to uhhh…jus…..I… YOU'RE WELCOME, :P"

This was the first time Deadpool had ended a conversation he started. He jumped down from Rarity's Window and set course for Canterlot. Rarity finally was able to go to sleep that night, but not before a pair of eyes saw the entire ordeal.

Pinkie Pie" *Blows bubble pipe* Hmmmmm, very interesting.

_Canterlot_

Deadpool has reached the cream de la cream of Equestrian cities, Canterlot. Home to some of the most glamorous shops, the richest ponies , and Equestrian Royalty. This is the home of Princess Celestia and Luna. At this point…

Deadpool:" Ok writer, just stop with the town description. That might be just DANDY in a book, but this is a FAN-FICTION. Meaning that the people know every detail about the show, they just want a little more. Canterlot, they know where we are. So let them just fill in the FRIKIN BLANKS."

SUCK IT

Deadpool" YOU SUCK IT! Wanna know where I am. I'm smack dab in the middle of Canterlot, sitting at a table, eating greek yogurt that cost me an arm and a leg."

*Not literally folks, but you know he could*

(He's saving that bullet for any form of meat)

Deadpool: " Tell me about it. They won't let me carve my up my own steak , but farmers sure as hell can milk a cow. I bet Cows are just lovin it. I would too if I had 12 nipples being groped by a stranger with strong hands *eats some yoghurt* Hmm, but hey , *gulp* you don't see me singing about it….again."

?" Please excuse our interruption. I'm Jet Set and this is my wife Upper Crust. We saw you from across the cafe and just had to find out where you acquired that eccentric outfit."

Deadpool: " Dude, you know it's not a crime to breathe through your nose. Won't make you any less of snob either."

Jet Set:" Well I must say, you are no gentle colt good sir. "

Deadpool:" You don't approve of me,*British accent* OH NO, WHAT SHALL I DO, I'VE BEEN REJECTED BY THE 1% OF PONIES WHO PROBABLY BLEED BLUE BLOOD AND CRAPS MONEY. Try using a mattress, or a bank. The butt is no place for bits, no matter how much it makes you hold up your nose. F.Y.I. Mrs Upper Crust, you gottta boogie. "

Upper Crust:" Oh my, *sniff* you..you ….why you!"

Deadpool:" You're welcome"

With those parting words of wisdom , they left in a scuffle.

Deadpool:" heh, I kind of wish they would leave their cash in a mattress."

*Easy to steal?"

Deadpool:" Nope"

( Set their house on fire then watch as they die making a dumb decision)

Deadpool:" *takes a bite of yoghurt* Oh yeah, slow and steady might win the race, but it'll F)*K you over in a house fire…..hmm, I can still hear them, do they not know they sound like that."

*Gambit's accent isn't even that thick*

Upper Crust:" I can't believe you tried to associate with such a ruffian."

Jet Set:" Well I just assumed he was a soldier. He carries that sword around as if it was his baby."

Upper Crust:" A soldier dressed in fabric, sounds like a garment that Rarity pony would conjure up."

Jet Set:" *chuckle* Indeed. I admit she has a certain finesse for abstract fashion, but word through the apple orchards is that somepony cut off her horn. "

Upper Crust:" *chuckle* my eyes are sure thankful , knowing that I won't have to see any more of her garments again."

Jet Set:" Not unless she uses the horn as a tie pin."

Both took off down the streets , laughing at Rarity's former predicament. Little did they know Deadpool snuck on to another table closer to them hiding behind a newspaper.

*The List*

(The List )

Deadpool: " Oh yeah, I'm getting my list."

In case you didn't know, this is a list a sort of "bucket list " Deadpool has made over the years. However since he's not likely to die anytime soon, he decided to just add to the list and check off one that he could do during one of his jobs.

Deadpool:"*whips out list* Let's see…rant on actual soap box…..make Pluto a planet again…Kill Ryan Reynolds….Ah, Crash A Rich Guys Party. "

*Wait, do you know they're gonna have a party *

( Devine intervention, this was meant to be)

Deadpool:" Maybe, was it devine intervention that I found this in the paper*points*."

*"The Grand Galloping Gala." Hmm, like moths to a flamethrower *

(Except this flame thrower needs a ticket, invite only)

Deadpool:" Great, social event of the "Blue Bloods" and "Hoity Toity ." and we're stuck trying to find a last minute ticket. *sigh* I knew I couldn't cross that off just yet."

?:" Cross what off my good sir?" 

Next thing you know , Deadpool comes face to face with another rich occupant of Equestria.

Deadpool:" Umm, it's my "bucket list" to which I'm going to check off "meeting a penguin," unless that's a tuxedo. If so then I need to add then check off my list. I'd tip my hat off for wearing that 24/7 , but I'm waiting for the rich pony who wear a top hat everywhere to come by. "

?:" Hahahhaha, oh my *laughter* Touché old sport. I hate to inform you that I'm not a penguin. Oh but how rude of me, allow me to introduce myself, Fancy Pants, and this is my associate miss Fluer Dis Lee. "

Deadpool:" Fancy Pants? Are you sure you're not a penguin? Tell me that you're at least a pimp for having someone as fine as miss lee hang on your soldier. Then again it would suck since "pimp" on my list involves me slapping one. "

Fancy Pants:" OH my * Laughter* How Droll."

Fleur Dis Lee:" *snicker* indeed."

*At least someone is enjoys our presence*

Fancy Pants:" Are you in the entertainment business Mr…um.

Deadpool:" Uhh Clease, John Clease, and yes. In some circles I'm known as the crimson comedian."

Fancy Pants:" Well then , you must come with me to tonights get together."

Deadpool:" If it's a gathering of Insane Clown Posse fans I'm going to be very upset."

Fancy Pants:" I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but I couldn't help but over hear you talking and mention the Grand Galloping Gala. Honestly it's been dreadfully uneventful the last few years, and I thought you might be willing to spice things up a bit."

Deadpool:" Really? You want to take me as your plus one? What about the New Orleans Saints fan there?

Fleur Dis Lee: " Actually I was invited weeks before any pony else."

Deadpool:" Of course you were."

*Eye candy *

( Trophy …umm…whatever their relationship is)

Deadpool:" I'd be happy to join you."

Fancy Pants:" MARVEL-OUS!" 

Deadpool:" You have no idea"

_Later that night on a mountain near Ponyville_

Mountain tops are the perfect place for a dragon to store their treasures. It's secluded, can easily be expanded , and no one is likely to climb up unless they were looking to be burned. At this particular mountain top, a red dragon was perched in front of a cave filled with unimaginable treasures. Only he was not alone.

Eris:" Mmmm, such powerful creatures. Yet so stupid. Guarding a treasure that no one dare to touch, only to fill the monster greed. Making the beast all the more powerful as a result."

Eris strolled around the cave, actually she just walked around the dragon since it's body barricaded the it.

Eris:" I must admit, Deadpool has been more than successful, but this is personal. *touched the dragons head* Listen to me dragon, treasures await just beyond your grasp, but selfish Princesses claim it for their own, and have been doing so for a millennia. Show them that your collection far exceeds theirs, and add it to yours."

With that final whisper, Eris placed her hand on the dragons head. Her magic started to flow through the beast, sending it into a murderous rage, with Eris's words to direct it. Suddenly it took to the sky, on a voyage of unknown treasures.

_Canterlot Castle: Grand Hall, 30 minutes into the party_-

Deadpool:" So then the talent agent say's " Wow , that was some show. What do you guys go by?"

And the father , stands up, bare $$ed , looking over his family , throws his hands up and say, " THE ARISTOCRATS."

Everypony within a three feet radius, wear in stitches. Deadpool charmed the pants off of every Blue Blood in the grand hall.

Filthy Rich:" HAHAHAHAH, oh my , *sniff* oh my word Mr. Clease, I haven't laughed this hard in decades. "

Hoity Toity:" The Aristocrats , HHAAHAHAH."

Deadpool:" I know right"

_Deadpool's head_

*ok , run this by me one more time*

( This sounds too good to be feasible)

" This is the perfect set up gentleman, while Fancy Pants forced me to pick out some clothing "

*Forced you?*

" Shut up! Anyway I managed to get my hands on some H2SO4 , aka Sulfuric acid"

( How did you managed that?)

"Don't question greatness. As I rant, a dilutued concetraion is flowing through every inch of the piping in the whole damn castle."

*Even the toilets, what happens if someone drops the kids off at the pool?"

( or discards a used condom?)

" at this level, it only works on fabric and synthetic hair. Besides I didn't use the entire system. Look up…the sprinkler system is set up on it's own tank. I managed to dump it in there ,so it'll continue to flow until I set fire to an unsuspecting plant."

*Nice*

( *yawn*)

" I knew you'd do that, so I added a little something extra.*

(DO TELL)

"red dye. Any piece of clothing that survives won't matter when people think the apocalypse is coming on the reins of blood."

(PERFECT) 

*Their blue collars will be red in no time. No need for a blade XD*

CRASH

A dragon nearly crashes into the entire grand hall. While it's disoriented from the fall, as well as Eris's manipulation spell, Deadpool becomes a little confused. While everypony is screaming and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, he's just standing , almost feeling relieved.

Deadpool :" Or….a dragon can randomly make an entrance "

*Works for me*

( He might set off the water sprinklers regardless of what we do)

Deadpool" Sweat, I'm gonna grab a couple canapés and call this adventure a success. "

Deadpool didn't even bother to see the fruits of his labor. He let the dragon do as it pleased. Walking around and sniffing every pony in site. Why was everyone still in the room?

Deadpool:" DAMMIT, I locked the doors*sits down* Might as well make myself comfy"

?:" Don't you even dare think about bringing that nose near me."

Dragons, proud creatures, don't so well with order from lesser beings. With the exception from Fluttershy and her "stare," no one has been able to order a dragon around. This was no exception. The pony that the dragon had been sniffing, well…it was Rarity. With her horn back to it's former glory, she decided to attend the Gala with the invitation she had received from Fancy Pants. It was only know she regretted putting on enough perfume to attract Discord himself, but the dragon only felt greed, looking for any treasure that would visually excite him. Then his gaze turned to Rarity. The dress she wore for the occasion was studded with enough gems to be truly outrageous.

Rarity:" *slaps dragons snout* Don't you even think about it. "

Little did she know that this dragon was embedded with Eris's magic. All the dragon saw was a pony getting in it's was. From there, it started to take in a breath hard enough for the canapés to fly off of its tray. Everypony, who was locked in the grand hall, knew what was happening. The dragon was getting ready to set fire, to the only pony with enough gusto to slap a dragon in the nose. The Dragon caught its breath, and let out wave of flame onto Rarity. Everypony saw her engulfed in dragon fire. Her failed attempt to use her magic and find something to shield herself ….well, I'll let you be the observer.

Rarity : " NOOOOOOO."

?:" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THEY WERE RIGHT….IN THE NEW KNEW LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE….DRAGON FIRE HURTS SO F *$ING BAD."

Rarity could only see darkness, until the dragon's lungs were empty.

Rarity:" *looks up* WADE!"

This, this was the one of few moments, where Deadpool had sacrificed himself for someone else. A lifetime of pain , was as equally concentrated as the dragon fire. Deadpool shielded Rarity from the dragon's fire. Rarity only maintained a few scratches from falling. All thanks to Deadpool. Whose clothes had been burned to nothing, leaving only his spandex suit, with the exception of his entire back being burned to a crisp, exposing his soft tissue and bone to Equestria. Not knowing the intense heat from a dragon. Deadpool was …for the first time in pain ...pain that actually hurt..and was afraid that he might never come back from it. While the dragon tried to inhale another breath, 5 figures , who were just blurs from Deadpool's perception , subdued the dragin with quick elemental magic precision.

*can..we just stop…this hurts too much.*

(I'd like do go to sleep now, wake me when we're dead)

Deadpool:"*cough* Hugh Jackman…..ain't got S!%T….on me *gasp*"

Deadpool finally collapsed.

Rarity:" Wade, *shake* my friends are here, they stopped the dragon*shake* Don't be rude again. Don't make me call my sister and her friends* holds back tears, bring hoof mouth* please…..please wake up….*shake* NO …NOOOOO , You said you can heal*crying * from anything , PLEASE WAKE UP. YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH PAIN* crying* PLE..AAASE WAKE UUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP."

_-Deadpool's Head_

" If I knew I was going to kick the bucket that night…..I would've …well….*chuckle* F#&k! I have no idea. That bucket list was more like something I thought up of while on the john using bound toilet paper"

" It would be the same crap , in a different pile. I don't believe in destiny, I believe that we're all idiots. Doomed to repeat the same mistakes if given the chance to re-live my spiraling toilet bowl I called an adventure. Yup, giving the secret nod of approval to kill , the odd handshake to kill the dude that did that thing he did to whatever blah blah blah. To end up with cancer, to say F #K the treatment along with my on/off again girlfriend, to let Weapon X slice me open and do what I was paid to let them drill in me, Eeyup…"

" At least I know Death. Despite every cartoon depiction of the Grimm Reaper, Death, Republicans…...  
I knew her, I welcomed death, if only to have a friend after everything that's happened to me. I only wish that….

DEATH:" I'm…so sorry my love…no matter how hard you try…no matter how much I wish….you still come out on top."

Deadpool:" Babe, wait what ? Come out on top?

Deadpool:" BOB'S YOUR UNCLE…*falls out of bed* *get's up in embarrassment* Whatever I said in my dreams can't be used against me in….a court….of ….ponies. Ok I guess I'm still alive."

Twilight Sparkle. " You sound disappointed"

Deadpool:" no….*looks around * ….but I might."

AppleJack:" Shucks, any pony that can spring up like a daisy after being bucked by me with a dumpster, you musta been wearin golden shoes shaped like a clover."

Deadpool:" Totally ….ummmm, was anything inserted in my person while I was unconscious?"

Fluttershy:" Well, you were brought to the castles private medical facility after the… 

Deadpool:" Answer the question, if I got a prostate exam without my consent, well, I want to find out who gave the ok t dig around in there. I won't let someone wave their finger in my face let alone my …"

Rainbow Dash:" Don't ….don't say it. No one even thought of doing that."

Deadpool:" *Phew* thanks Skittles. "

Pinkie Pie :" Still, you had us worried , I was this close to giving you C-to-M resuscitation"

Deadpool:" What, is the C something I should know about?"

Pinkie Pie:" Cupcakes, *munch * I brought enough to ….

Twilight Sparkle:" Pinkie , not now..

Pinkie Pie:" Oky dokey, more for me."

Twilight Sparkle:" Well…..Mr Deadpool, I believe we need to have a discussion. Right now my mentor and constituents are waiting in the throne room. "

Deadpool: " *sigh* for the evaluation, you know what , fine. Just let me get into something that doesn't smell like a burning Santa Clause."

From the door of Deadpool's private castle medical quarters.

Rarity:" I believe I can help* Walks over to Deadpool* I tool the liberty of …..well ..I have a gift for guessing sizes …and well….hopefully it meets your standards."

Using her newly grown horn, Rarity's magic glowed around a red box she had brought in. It hovered over Deadpool's covers before landing on his lap. He opened it , to reveal.

Deadpool:" *chuckle* you made me a new uniform, and a new mask. My favorite colors too."

Rarity:" I mean of course it may look the same, but you had a polyester blend. I decided to make it 50/50 Lycra and spandex. It should feel like a second layer of skin darling..*Blush*"

Twilight Sparkle:" We'll leave you to put that on, be ready in 20 minutes."

Deadpool:" ….peachy keen jelly bean…"

All but Rarity stayed

Rarity:" I can assure that I've voiced your good deeds to the princess. My sister contributed as well, she informed us of the dissonance that may have transpired when I suggested to twilight when we first met, of the while "stone" incident. Please ..just know that."

Deadpool:" This isn't my first rodeo, ya think I'm the kind of pony that wouldn't keep bouncing back in court?"

Rarity:" actually, Twilight informed me that , you're not from our world."

Deadpool:" Oh, well then there ya go, just imagine what goes on outside of Equestria."

Rarity:" Can…Can I make one request?"

Deadpool:" if chasing after my butt has taught you anything , it's to go with the flow, just ask and…

Rarity:" Can ..I see you without your mask?"

Deadpool:"…*sigh* what the hell, might as well extinguish this flame before Eris sends me off to a far off place only the writer knows."

For the Second time, with her newly formed horn however, Rarity uses her magic to remove Deadpool's mask. He exhibits no hesitation.

Rarity:" Ohh….so this is why you we're so hesitant before."

Deadpool:" This *waves hoof around body* all of this, happened long before the dragon's fire. "

Suddenly they both looked at each other. Locked as if Rarity had broken into Deadpool's window.

Deadpool:" I mean, I'm used to….this..hell…one time this complete douche called um Wolverine..he WhOA Wait….."

Silence whispered in Deadpool's room. He wasn't turned to stone, he didn't succumb to his injuries ( In fact he's healed up to 100% before they dragged him here). The only thing that kept him silent, was something else, well somepony else. Despite Deadpool's appearance, and even his transgressions, Rarity could see the good in him that the world has tried to extinguish. In a nutshell….

*BECAUSE YOU KEEP US IN SUSPENSE YOU D #K!*

Everyone's a critic. Anyway, Rarity was kissing Deadpool. Just like "Beauty and the Beast," there was more about Deadpool once you get passed his scars.

Spike:" Hey guys I managed to…

They broke away just in time.

*THE IRONY, ANOTHER DRAGON BLOCKED US!*  
( Use any cinema scene in SKYRIM, Yup, that's us)

Spike:" Are you guys ok"

Rarity:" Perfectly fine"

Deadpool: " Satisfied…"

Rarity:" I'll see you in the throne room then"

Rarity walks out of Deadpool's room. Spike gave Deadpool the "I am watching you" hand gesture."

Deadpool:" Hey , spike. I need a few things before, I change. Trust me this'll be fun. Also …I need you to write a letter."

_Throne room_-

Spike :" *ahem* Princesses , I give you , Deadpool.

You could hear wheels squeaking, a guard was obviously pushing some kind of cart. A figure started to materialize down the hallway. It was Deadpool, being pushed on a hand-truck dolly, in a straight jacket, with a muzzle, wearing his updated uniform. The guard promptly placed him in front of the four princesses.

Princess Luna:" *chuckle with hoof to mouth*"

Princess Cadence:" *laughing under breath*"

Princess Twilight:" *facehoof(palm) why can't anything be simple with him"

Princess Celestia:" Well…um Mr. Deadpool. "

Deadpool:" *best Anthony Hopkins voice* Good evening Clarice, come closer to the glass…..CLARICCCCCCCCEEE. …..no one , really? I'm ready to be jusged by 1 ..2..3..4 princesses, wow."

Princesses Celestia:" Well, your record speaks for itself, the princesses have given me their reports , and I have ..inspected you ..*ahem * apparel."

Deadpool:" I have a permit for that rubber chicken ."

Pinkie Pie :" What?" 

Princesses Celetia: " And I believe that..*Ahem* given all of your transgressions , as well as your selfless acts "

Deadpool:" Alcohol , you're welcome."

Twilight Sparkle :" SHHHHH, zip it!"

Princess Celestia:" I have come to the conclusion that….you …Mr. Wade Wilson…aka Daniel way…aka Leeroy Jenkins….aka…

As she went through the list of aliases Deadpool went by during his time in Equestria. Deadpool, of course thought the worst.

Princess Celestia:" I can say without a doubt, that you are not a threat to Equestria, and I welcome you with an open heart." 

Deadpool:" OBJECTION, HOLD IT, TAKE THAT…WHAT! "

_Appleloosa _

Deadpool:" And that's all I have to say about that."

Braeburn:" ummmmm, Eeyup….I gotta go.

Braeburn ran out of the saloon lickety split. Deadpool just walked out , paying no mind that he just gave most of his story to a pony that might of fancied him. He went across the street, and picked up the new katana he ordered. Without hesitation he slipped it in his empty sheath.

Deadpool:" Ahh, to be whole again, speaking of which , I WANT MY FINGERS BACK!

A portal opened up behind him. The same portal he had used before, and would again. However , every time he went through those portals, well, let's just say that the pony he was yesterday is completely different from the man he was slowly getting back to today.

To be continued.

P.S.

- Just to give you a bit a reminder, and teaser. The next series will be Deadpool kickin ass in "ADVENTURE TIME." This was suggested to me by one of my readers. Again , please tell me where you want me to send Deadpool next.

P.P.S.

- The next series opens with the letter he asked Spike to write, XD.


	10. Deadpool's Letter

"John Wayne said "Never apologize and never explain, it's a sign of weakness." While I give props to "The Duke," but this makes him sound like a child. There's a huge differences between apologizing constantly and being wrong. People who keep apologizing, yet keep screwing up are babies that would get a cookie from mommy when they said they were sorry. They still do that in adulthood, which makes them pansies. If you're wrong, then be a man and own up to it."

"So how does that apply when you're hired to kill someone, or kidnap a child and hand him over to an abusive father with a fat wad of cash, sabotage a new product from a competing company who make the same thing, but cheaper, etc? Easy, you never apologize for doing your job, especially if you're a soldier for hire. It's never personal, bottom line. Never establish a relationship with anybody you may have to manipulate, kill, and do business with. As soon as you're done with whatever you were hired to do, I guarantee you that people will look at you differently. They'll wonder why you've all of a sudden become so heartless or think that you couldn't be capable of such transgressions.

"If you apologize for doing your job or for your beliefs, than congrats, you don't have a spine."

_Canterlot_

After Deadpool had left Equestria, things were getting a little hectic. Paranoia had made a nest in the minds of everypony in Manehatten, plant life had been delayed this season, the Crystal Empire needed serious restructuring, Cloudsdale had to work overtime to get more water for the rain if anyone expected crops to grow, and the secret to moonshine was slowly spreading. Word of the Dragon's attack on the Grand Galloping Gala had spread faster than it's fire, but without the mention of Deadpool's intervention.

Harmony had been disrupted. Chaos was brought back into balance.

Shortly after Deadpool's departure, there was a meeting in Canterlot at the Castle. Princess Celestia knew there was going to be disagreements concerning her actions, so she figured that it might as well happen now.

Princess Luna:" Sister, I must express my concern for your decision to let this Deadpool character not be considered a threat and even more so, let him escape without any sort of punishment."

Princess Cadence:" I'm also having my doubts about your decision, while it was noble of him to save Rarity, one act of valor doesn't make up for his actions."

Princess Celestia:" hmm…and what about you Princess Twilight?"

Twilight Sparkle:" I must admit, when you gave your evaluation, I started to question your reasoning,

However…..I know you love your kingdom, and wouldn't do anything to put any pony at risk. Ever since you told me to stop reading my books and make some friends, my first thought was " Is she crazy." No offense, but I thought you didn't take my warning seriously and that you might be putting Equestria in jeopardy. You were in control the entire time, and I just assumed the worst. Now I realize that you had good reason. I stand by your decision Princess Celestia."

Princess Celestia:" Thank you Twilight, but I feel I must give you all an explanation. Ever since Discord told us that Deadpool was working for Eris, I knew she had invested a lot into him. So when I ordered you to turn him into stone on the spot... my suspicions of her intervening were correct. She was kind enough to pay me a visit in response. Despite her threats she actually opened my eyes to a bigger picture. Equestria hasn't had this much peace in a millennia, and it was only in the last few years that we've seen the most prosperity. It wouldn't come as a surprise if there were numerous forces who wanted to take advantage of Equestria. A harmonious world could be seen as weakness, and we might be inviting other chaotic entities for that fact alone. Deadpool did actually serve a great purpose. Chaos can come in any form, without warning, without purpose, without remorse, but he managed to give us a warning to prepare ourselves for what could happen. There were no casualties or any damaged that couldn't be fixed. I don't want any harm to come to my people, but I don't want my kingdom to be at risk. I was going to ask you to keep this a secret, but doing so would only create more panic and I don't want to burden any of you with the knowledge of my intentions."

Princess Luna:" Sister, this …this couldn't have been an easy decision for you to make, but next time tell us. You should know that passing judgment on you for your intentions is something that we would never consider."

Princess Cadence:" That's right. We understand what you must be going through, just know that we support you and that we care about you."

Princess Celestia:" Thank you everyone. I must say I thought you might think I've been drinking some of that Cider I've heard about."

Everyone started laughing. This was the perfect example of the magic of friendship.

Knock knock

Princess Celestia:" Who is it?"

Spike:" It's Spike your majesty, err umm your majesties. I have a letter for you from Deadpool."

The throne room doors opened and Spike ran inside , the clattering of his claws could be heard echoing through the walls.

Twilight Sparkle:" Umm Spike, where is the letter?"

Spike:" Funny story , when Deadpool wanted me to write a letter for him I mentioned that I can send it using my fire breath. He thought it was pretty cool and wanted to try it out."

Twilight Sparkle:" Okay*Puzzled look* so when is it coming."

Spike:" I told him who he should send it to if he wanted it delivered after he left. Strange part was he had paper he wanted to use and for *Covers mouth* hmm HMM *Belch * AHHHHH IT BURNS."

Tears were flying out of the little dragons eyes while having his face turn bright red as he stormed out of the throne room. The letter in question had appeared from Spike's mouth and onto the floor. Twilight used her magic to pick it up. A funny smell was emanating from the letter.

Twilight:" *sniff* what is that?"

Ignoring the smell , she opened Deadpool's letter and started to read it.

_Deadpool's Letter_

"SUCK IT!"

Twilight Sparkle :" I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT PONY!"

Twilight threw the letter in the air , then bolted out of the throne room to chase after her assistant. Princess Celestia however picked up the letter and started reading it for herself.

Princess Celestia:" *Chuckle* Invisible ink, how charming."

She used her magic to reveal the rest of Deadpool's letter.

_Deadpool's Letter_

"SUCK IT!"

Dear Princess Celestia,

"If you're reading this, then you're not as dumb as I thought you were. Plus Twilight's lackey should be screaming his head off after getting a mouth and throat full of the paper I gave him. I soaked it in Pepper juice. In my defense…I couldn't resist."

" Anyway, I thought you were dumb because of your choice to not consider me a threat. It was a punch in the junk to my ego. I mean COME ON. I thought you'd at least get some passive aggressive revenge on me, like making submit to a full body cavity search. It would've been funny just to think about getting searched by a unicorns horn , I could've asked for a magical prostate exam, but beggars can't be rapist. However I remembered that you don't know me very well. I would write out my life's story and send you a copy, but I doubt that Spike could handle any more pepper juice. To put it bluntly , I've killed people, a lot of people, for money. Equestria got off lightly. I could've done much worse, so don't be surprised if someone else comes along and won't extend you the same courtesy. "

" I'm not gonna say that I'm sorry. Nope, NOT UP IN HERE! In fact I might come back for another round, but…I would like to say I'm sorry to your little band of "Harmonious Groupies." My plans were just to F*** with their heads. After overhearing the whole "turned to stone" punishment, I thought the worst, so I stepped up my game. Cutting off Rarity's horn….I could say that was an act of defense. It wasn't. I'm still not sure what happened when the cockatrice attacked me. All I know is that I jumped the gun…..I'll tell you what those are later….when I accused the girls of doing that. I've spent a lifetime of preparing myself for the worst case scenario, because where I come from, that's usually what people have planned for me. It was a D*** move for me to assume that they, or even you, wanted to turn me to stone from the get go. I mean, who turns people to stone after they've sung a song about tattoos? We do have a place like that where I'm from, but instead of getting turned to stone for singing, you get buried in the dirt and have stones thrown at your exposed head."

" It was nice of you to welcome me to Equestria, and…I can't believe I'm saying this, it was nice to be treated like I wasn't a freak. If things were different , I might've enjoyed my time in Equestria. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed all the cool S*** I did, but there are times when I just wished I had friends to shoot the S*** with. Anyway, good luck cleaning up what I left behind, "

Your Crimson Comedian,

Deadpool

P.S.

" I've already threatened Spike with a slow and painful death if he spoke a word of this letter to anyone. I had this chick named Trixie write the rest , but just in case he got cute and tried to read the portion in the invisible ink, I threatened him . Spike's not the brightest tool in the shed so I didn't think it would be too much trouble to write "SUCK IT." Anyway, YOU ARE NOT TO TELL ANYONE I WROTE THIS SAPPY DAWSONS CREEK , DEAR DIARY BULL S***. One word to anybody and I'll be back. COUNT ON IT YO!"

Princess Celestia:" Hmmm, Guard?"

Pony Guard:" Yes your highness?"

Princess Celestia:" Get Twilight to invite her friends over to the Caslte, I think they may enojoy some interesting news I've just discovered."


End file.
